LIVING IN THE PAST: I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL THIS IS













Originally composed on June 19, 2004

थे पपेर्बोय इस अ DICK

The title is supposed to read "The Paperboy is a Dick" but I'm pleased enoguh with the Sanskrit letters to leave it that way.

NRO SPEAKS OUT ON TORTURE

Not quite a strong declaration of the Beloved Leader's right to torture, but almost charmingly ding-batted all the same:

Isn't taping such a thing asking for trouble? What if the tape got into the wrong hands? Having video of "harsh" techniques could be a great gift to the enemy. Wouldn't regular procedure require witnesses, notes, official reports? Do you really need to tape them, too?

That's it. That the whole post (aside from a video link.)

Tim O'Neil lowers us all by wondering when Peter Parker lost his virginity.

I suspect most people will say "Gwen Stacy" (anyone who says "on his wedding night" gets a boobie prize), but anyone who can make a legitimate case for Mary Jane or Betty Brant gets extra points. ("Face it Tiger, you just hit the Jackpot, because I put out!")

The obvious answer.

I don't know why anyone is shocked -- shocked -- that the CIA taped a 2002 torture session, and then destroyed the DVD.

There are so many twists to the story that are typical of the current state of American polity. Of course Democrats in Congress knew about the tape, about the tapes planned destruction, and its actual destruction, and only now that the thing had been plastic chips for two years express concern. And of course, at National Review, they haven't mentioned the CIA at all in three days (although the letters turn up in the middle of words like "superficially" and "racially" (I'm sure the story bores them).

There's this neat twist:

Zubaydah, wounded when he was captured in Pakistan, was fooled in a fake flag operation to believe that the Saudis held him. Instead of being afraid of the ‘Saudis,’ he demanded to talk to three Saudi princes (one, the nephew of the King, who happened to be in the U.S. on 9/11). He gave his interrogators the private cell phone numbers of all 3. He did the same regarding the chief of Pakistan’s air force.

After the U.S. told the Saudis and Pakistanis of Zubaydah’s finger pointing, all four men had tragic ‘accidents.’ The King’s nephew died of complications from liposuction at the age of 43. A day later, the 41 year old Prince named by Zubaydah died in a one-car accident on his way to the funeral of the King’s nephew. The third named prince, age 25, died a week later of “thirst,” according to the Saudi Royal Court. And shortly after that, the chief of Pakistan’s air force died when his plane exploded with his wife and 15 of his top aides on board.

Make the interrogation tapes public and then we’ll know whether one of the top al Qaeda operatives accused leading Saudi royals and a top Pakistani military man - now all dead - of being his sponsors. And accused two of them – the King’s nephew and the Pakistani air force chief – of having advance knowledge of the 9/11 attacks.

Did the CIA take those guys out? If so, pretty basadd.

Like so many of the best stories of our times, this one story is at once awesome and disgusting.

This article in Slate brings back pleasant memories of Flowers in the Attic and its sequels, which I read when I was thirteen. My family was moving across the country, and my older sister was reading them already. As I burned through my reading material in the first few days of the agonizing two week drive, I quickly turned to what my sister was reading, quickly reading the first book, impatiently waited for the second, and quickly lapped my sister as she took breaks from reading the third. Lord knows the books aren't good at all, although I don't remember any of the prose well enough to slop up some gorgeous quotations. I think the sex was the most appealing part -- I bet I was disappointed when the albino dwarf twins didn't get it on.

Wow, those book sure don't inspire anything in the way of coherent thoughts twenty years down the line. I'm glad I read the books, if only because it gives me a surprising chick-lit touchstone to occasionally refer to during party conversations.

While looking for an appropriate image to post, I was disturbed by how many Myspace pages use the term "flowers in the attic."

LIVING IN THE PAST: I WAS RIGHT ABOUT ONE THING

I've decided to enhance the "Living in the Past" posts to includes some classics that I did manage to post as planned. Like this one, found while searching my blog for the word "junta":

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Predictions:

Kerry: 53% and 308 electoral votes
Bush: 46% and 238 electoral votes

Junta long shot: Bush wins every state but DC and Minnesota.

I may have to go back and Orwell this prediction later, based on how stupid I look.

I certainly looked stupid.

BANANA REPUBLIC

Andrew Sullivan asks, is this a Banana Republic? Doesn't he live in DC? I can't find any of the pictures I took during my 2006 visit, but the White House is surrounded by barbed wire and concrete barricades, the very model of a South American junta. Sadly, none of the pictures in Google image search do it justice, either.

LIVING IN THE PAST: FEEL MY DISEASE

As I was (and still am) fighting a pre-flu, spending the middle part of each day coughing, coughing, and coughing some more. I officially endorse Cold-eez cold preventative. I'd be bed-ridden and puking by now if it weren't for its astonishing effectiveness.

Much of the week was spend prone on my back, sleeping or watching movies. As my dad's dog Tyler has come to be used to a certain standard of lifestyle, he spent about two-thirds of my couch-time standing or sitting a few feet away, staring at me expectantly. If I were to stagger away for a snack or a bathroom break, Tyler would immediately leap onto the couch. This dog has not had a hard day in his life. Even when he had surgery years ago, he recovered with the aid of a young vet student who even went to far as to sleep with Tyler in his crate. You've got to be fucking kidding me, right? So, that is Tyler.

My father will likely go unrecognized for his immense contribution to developmental psychology, despite answering conclusively a question that eluded Ericksen and Piaget, and is posed to classes annually: nature vs. nurture? Tyler is a yellow Labrador retriever, raised by infancy by my father into an indolent, albeit loving, lap log. He will decline to "fetch" a ball or toy thrown more than a few feet from him, only pursuing the objects at a close range if he wants to play with them. There are members of his breed hunting, guarding and guiding the blind.

I remain the sanest of my siblings. That distinction was slightly wobbly during my bouts with medications over the past couple of years, but life's march has worked its magic on my sisters' stability, and they spin into farther orbits with each passing day.

Originally composed on 12/29/2004. I miss you, Tyler.

LIVING IN THE PAST: THE APPRENTICE

It was some great characterization.

Originally composed on May 15, 2005.

LOOKEY HERE

It looks like I have basic tv cable again. I pledge it will not effect my blogging.

LIVING IN THE PAST: LONDON CALLING

Great responses to "terror": We. Are. Not. Safe.

And the sensible response: Now: probably have to walk to Kentish Town and then Victoria. FUCKING TERRORIST MOTHERFUCKERS. Only now do I see the horror of terrorism.

Originally composed on July 7, 2005. Was there some kind of attack? Oh, right, the subway bomb.

If I'm reading Romney's statement right, he sat down with the owner of a company and told them they had to run their business a certain way,pretty much because he was running from president. Hard to believe they didn't snap to. And it's a real show of class to publicly upbraid a local company this way, let alone releasing their address to the wingnut public at large.

Statement by Governor Romney:

"Today, I fired a landscaping company that I learned was employing people who are not permitted to work here in the United States. After this same issue arose last year, I gave the company a second chance with very specific conditions. They were instructed to make sure people working for the company were of legal status. We personally met with the company in order to inform them about the importance of this matter. The owner of the company guaranteed us, in very certain terms, that the company would be in total compliance with the law going forward.

“The company's failure to comply with the law is disappointing and inexcusable, and I believe it is important I take this action."

- Governor Romney

Letter of termination:

Governor Mitt Romney

December 4, 2007

Mr. Ricardo Saenz
Community Lawn Service
174 Shurtleff St.
Chelsea, MA 02150

Dear Mr. Saenz:

Today I learned that employees of your company, who were assigned to work on my property, are not permitted to work in the United States. Given your company’s disregard for the clear instructions provided on this issue last year, I am forced to terminate my contract with your company, effective immediately. My family will no longer utilize your services and all scheduled visits are cancelled as of today.

I am disappointed that our relationship must end on this note, but we simply cannot tolerate your inability to ensure that your employees are legally permitted to work in the United States. Thank you for your assistance.

Sincerely,

Mitt Romney

IF IT KEEPS ON RAININ', LEVEE'S GOIN' TO BREAK



If it keeps on raining, levee's going to break,
If it keeps on raining, levee's going to break,
And the water gonna come in, have no place to stay

Well all last night I sat on the levee and moan,
Well all last night I sat on the levee and moan,
Thinking about my baby and my happy home,

If it keeps on raining, levee's going to break,
If it keeps on raining, levee's going to break,
And all these people have no place to stay

Now look here mama what am I to do?,
Now look here mama what am I to do?,
I ain't got nobody to tell my troubles to

I works on the levee mama both night and day,
I works on the levee mama both night and day,
I ain't got nobody, keep the water away

Oh crying won't help you, praying won't do no good,
Oh crying won't help you, praying won't do no good,
When the levee breaks, mama, you got to lose

I works on the levee, mama both night and day,
I works on the levee, mama both night and day,
I works so hard, to keep the water away

I had a woman, she wouldn't do for me,
I had a woman, she wouldn't do for me,
I'm going back to my used to be

It's a mean old levee, cause me to weep and moan
It's a mean old levee, cause me to weep and moan
Gonna leave my baby, and my happy home

LIVING IN THE PAST: DAVID AND DERICK: NEW ADVENTURES IN PREPRODUCTION

A writer-director, who we'll refer to from here on out at Dave, and his co-producer, a cameraman who we'll refer to as Derick. A movie we'll almost sarcastically call Love in the Year 2000. And a orangutan named Clyde. These are the players. I may be joking about the orangutan.

Without sounding too condescending, there are all kinds of movies. There are big movies. Small movies. Really small movies. Love in the Year 2000 is a really small movie. But with a heart. David expects to win the Nobel Prize when it's completed, sometime in 2034.

Derick voiced the need to screen tests. Screen Tests of the Third Kind. With the sort of complicated/simple scene dressing we're experimenting with, not to mention the expense of shooting on 35 mm film, we have to be all sorts of careful that we get what we want, and more importantly, how we go about getting what we want.

So, Derick proposed a series of tests. For each set, we designed a number of lighting schemes, for which we'd shoot a minute or so of footage, then review and select the scheme we preferred for the final version.

The nice thing about a budget is that a lot of things get done for you. Such as in this case. So, we tasked our assistant camera, who we'll call Josh, and our assistant director, who we'll call Tony, to get everything set up according to our specifications and have the light marks and the sets ready to go for some tests.

Derick and I don't know quite what we're doing, yet. And we neglected to tell Josh and Tony exactly what tests were. We walked into the hanger we were using to find the door locked. We looked at each other.

"Well, I'm okay with going home," I said.

"No, let's give it a chance. They might have gone to lunch or something," Derick said.

"I don't remember giving them permission to eat while they did this. Where did they get the money?" I said.

"I don't know," Derick said, and knocked again. "Maybe we should break in? It's not like this door is going to stop us at all."

We heard a lock being shifted and stood back. The door oepned, just a crack. Josh squinted out at us through the space. It was very dark inside, and something was making an awful amount of noise.

"Derick! Hey!" Josh said. "Hey, we're almost ready for the tests."

"Great," said Derick. Derick started to push his way through.

Josh held tight in the space. "We're not ready yet, though."

"Miller and I can help," Derick said. "We want to make sure we get this done tonight." Derick forced the door a little ways, and noises became louder, and we heard screeching.

"Can it be just a minute?" Josh said, and a chimpanzee ran past him, out the studio door and into the parking lot.

Derick and I continued into the studio. Josh slammed and bolted the door behind us and hurried after us. In the corner of the stage dedicated to the "apartment" set, the lights were set up in the first configuration we'd assigned. Glowing white set, with the plasma screen emitting an appropriate reddish tinge in the middle of things. Among the things surrounding were about sixteen chimpanzees.

The chimpanzees were doing a remarkable job of not disturbing the lights or harming our valuable equipment. They were making a lot of noise, which seemed to frustrate the chimp in headphones working the DAT machine.

"Josh," I said. "Why are there chimpanzees running around the studio?"

"Derick said we were doing tests!"

"Yes."

"So I got some chimps."

"Yes."

"Listen, what Miller's trying to say is, why did you get chimpanzees for the tests?"

"I, um," Josh said. "I didn't think we were ready for human trials."

I looked over at a chimpanzee sitting in my chair. He urinated into his hands and sipped the piss from his cupped palms. He was wearing my beret. He smiled at me and gave a thumbs-up, emptying the contents of his palms on the floor. I smiled back wanly, and reciprocated a thumbs-up of my own.

Originally composed on August 25, 2005. I really need to write my memoirs.

LIVING IN THE PAST: CINDY SHEEHAN

I think I know why I'm so fascinated by Cindy Sheehan. I'm not particularly interested in her or what she has to say, but I am engaged by the response of the hawks to her. In the normal civility we enjoy in American society, a premium.

The war is not just a political program. It is a reality for our society. The war effects everyone in the country no matter how far away it might seem at times. When a woman presents the dead body of her fallen son on one hand, and on the other the conservatives can straight-facedly writ a letter Take this "open letter" written from Clifford May:

We will never be able to make ourselves inoffensive to the racist death cults that have declared war on us. When these barbarians kill brave Americans like Casey Sheehan we can't run and hide. Or rather we can – but that only invites the terrorists to hit us again. For years we didn't understand that. The consequence was Sept. 11, 2001.

Remember: We fled from Somalia in 1993. We left Saddam in power after the first Gulf War in 1991. We did nothing much after the Hezbollah bombing of our Marine barracks in 1983. Our response to the taking of American hostages in Tehran in 1979 was toothless.

In each of these cases – and too many others – we demonstrated to our enemies that there would be no penalty for humiliating and even slaughtering Americans. In each of these cases Osama bin Laden saw evidence that Americans are irresolute and weak; that America's military – for all its sophistication and technology – would prove no match for determined hostage-takers, decapitators and suicide bombers.

It shows how incapable the Republicans are of reaching out and selling this war as a just and necessary mission worth our sacrifice. Responding to a grieving mother -- whether or not Sheehan is using her widderhood for partisan opportunism, the fact remains her label in this is grieving mother -- as if she were another political opponent . I've read articles taking Sheehan to task for contraditcions in her political statements. Like people who don't know they'll be under public scrutiny cautiously vet their statements as if we were a society of aspiring Supreme Court justices. Bush likes to claim that his opposition to nation-building was changed by 911. Well, 911 happened to Cindy Sheehan, and in her case, it was Iraq. She lost a son. There are people fighting this war.

Originally composed on August 27, 2005

There is somebody insane working at the Canadian Workplace Safety and Insurance Board (WSIB). I actually yelled out loud at the screen while watching this is a totally awesome PSA. See for yourself.



It reminds me of a PSA (or something) that ran on television in Maine when I was about five years old. It featured an African American man being run over by a tractor. He was screaming in panic and trying to drag himself out of the way -- almost succeeding -- but getting run over anyway. I think. It's been thirty years.

UPDATE: Apparently, videos like that are just the Canadian agency's style. This picure is on the front page of their site:

LIVING IN THE PAST: LAST NIGHT I HAD THE STRANGEST DREAM

Originally composed on November 30, 2005. Really, that's it. I'm not sure this counts for content.

LIVING IN THE PAST: LOOKING AHEAD TO 2006



A Google search for "christian porn" brings up 45,600 hits, but very little info on actual Christian friendly porn. Apparently, there's at least one guy who makes it, a fella named Helmut Lang.

Originally composed on 12/31/2005.

LIVING IN THE PAST: DATING PHISHING

From: Nicole
Date:Saturday, January 28, 2006 15:07:00
Subject: Howdy David!
Message: Hey there, just browsing around trying to meet some people from around here. I just moved to Seattle a few weeks back and I hardly a soul. I figured I'd give friendster a shot and see if I have any luck. I'll keep this short until I know you're interested. Just looking for someone to hang out and have a good time with....not looking for anything serious. Anyway, I just made this account tonight looking for other lonely people, and 'cause I'm so bored. Not sure if I'll be back here or not. If you'd like to get to know me, my regular email address is cutenicki351@hotmail.com. Look me up and I might just send you some more pics. See ya soon.. maybe!

Nicki

Originally composed on February 1, 2006. I think I had a more substantial post in mind, because I actually responded to this message, and then she told me to contact her on some adult site. while trying to google a free password, I found it was all a scam. The post would have worked better had I included the picutre from her profile, which was totally my type, which Is what drew me in the first place. Still, no money was lost, and only a few minutes of heartache were suffered.

LIVING IN THE PAST: KICKING BEN DOMENECH. WAIT, WHO?

So, some great things have been happening this week. Apparently, the Washington Post started up a new right-wing blog, written by a smug teenager names Ben Domenech. Not without conraversy, it seems, and liverals decides to destroy America through Ben.

It appears Mr. Domenech has been plagiarizing since college. He denies it, of course. What might look as inept copying was really inept editing.

Of course, as a blogger, it's very easy to plagiarize. I'm sure I've done it far more than the occasions that spring to mind without even trying.

Originally composed on March 24, 2006

LIVING IN THE PAST: REMEMBER WHEN I WATCHED THE APPRENTICE?

http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/story.cgi?show=125&story=9005&page=7&sort=&limit=

Tarek, Lee, and Leslie also hit the streets. Was this in the dossier for this task? Why not just hit a modeling agency? I hear they sometimes use models in advertisements. They find a pretty girl ("wholesome," "girl-next-door"), and Tarek lays on the...something. Charm? I think he's good-looking enough that, no matter what, it's going to be charming. From this side of the screen, what it is, is creepy. He comes running up to this girl and opens with "I am going to be totally shady." He asks if she speaks English, which is...I get where he's coming from, but it's somehow also creepy. He offers to give her $200 and buy her "a sporting outfit," and all she has to do is hold a box up to her face. I was going to have a quiz here, but there's only one appropriate answer, so screw it. People, I don't care if they have a TV crew with them, I don't care if they look like Tarek, do not get in vans with strangers. "Have your producer call me" is the only thing you should say. Instead, the girl smiles beautifully and agrees. I'm glad it worked out this one time. She sits in the van with them, thinking about how she is going to die, as Leslie chomps disgustingly on a wad of gum and calls in on the walkie that they've "secured the model." The girl is clearly frightened by all this, but game. Tarek interviews that he's still worried because their idea is so safe, and that he hopes the other team didn't come up with a more creative idea. Such as a bagel diet, I think is the limit of their creativity right now.

Originally posted on March 26, 2006

LIVING IN THE PAST: QUOTING A RIGHT-WING TWAT

Why are you wasting my time with Colbert, I hear you ask. Because he is representative of what too often passes for political courage, not to mention wit, in this country. His defenders -- and they are all over the blogosphere -- will tell you he spoke truth to power. This is a tired phrase, as we all know, but when it was fresh and meaningful it suggested repercussions, consequences -- maybe even death in some countries. When you spoke truth to power you took the distinct chance that power would smite you, toss you into a dungeon or -- if you're at work -- take away your office.

But in this country, anyone can insult the president of the United States. Colbert just did it, and he will not suffer any consequence at all. He knew that going in. He also knew that Bush would have to sit there and pretend to laugh at Colbert's lame and insulting jokes. Bush himself plays off his reputation as a dunce and his penchant for mangling English. Self-mockery can be funny. Mockery that is insulting is not. The sort of stuff that would get you punched in a bar can be said on a dais with impunity. This is why Colbert was more than rude. He was a bully.

Originally posted on May 4, 2006. I can't find the link anymore.

PHOTO OF THE DAY



As Al Gore attends a reception for Nobel Laureates hosted by President Bush at the White House, it is clear that neither man is enjoying the moment. It looks like they're muttering nasty remarks to each other.

Gore: (Sighs) I still won Florida.

Bush: You can still kiss my ass.

FUCK FACEBOOK

I tried to ennoble Facebook by uploading my brilliant short film, Pickup, and to you know, promote it and network and shit. But this is the message I get:

Error: Sorry, this video exceeds 8 minutes. Please try another.

Well, fuck them, then. It's my movie. You can see it on Myspace. Or right here, right now:

Hold on, I need to milk another joke, as well as second posting, from this headline.

I have this image of Vice President Cheney walking in the Rose Garden with his wife, security detail, and maybe a grandchild when Cheney pauses.

"Richard, honey" Lynn Cheney says. "What is it?"

Cheney touches his left breast. "I don't know. I.. don't... What?"

"Oh, Dick!" Lynn Cheney takes her husbands hand, and whirls to stare wildly at the Secret Service. They appear unmoved behind their sunglasses. In fact, they are unmoved. They are the Vice President's security detail, and lord knows they can't stand the man.

Anyway, they go to a doctor, and the doctor explains to Cheney that he felt was what people call a "heartbeat" and there's no reason to be alarmed. Not that Cheney was alarmed.

Just angry. Angry at God. Angry at Osama. Angry at himself, for ever having a sdamned heartbeat.

Of course, the image I had is wrong, because Cheney, being Cheney, was receiving a routine medical examination at 7:00 am at the White House. Just normal folks, that Dick.

Some headlines cannot possible deliver on the promise they offer:

Cheney Experiences Irregular Heartbeat

No shit, right?

Yet another white devil learns that you can't just visit a foreign culture and act like you own the place.

To wit:

A British schoolteacher has been arrested in Sudan accused of insulting Islam's Prophet, after she allowed her pupils to name a teddy bear Muhammad.

Colleagues of Gillian Gibbons, 54, from Liverpool, said she made an "innocent mistake" by letting the six and seven-year-olds choose the name.

Ms Gibbons was arrested after several parents made complaints.

The BBC has learned the charge could lead to six months in jail, 40 lashes or a fine.

If I were her, I'd pay the fine. Even with the Western economy tumbling to Poland-in-the-Eighties levels, I bet the Euro is still pretty strong against the Sudanese dinar, and she'll end up paying the equivalent of $24 US. I liked this line as well:

One Muslim teacher at the independent school for Christian and Muslim children, who has a child in Ms Gibbons' class, said she had not found the project offensive.

"I know Gillian and she would never have meant it as an insult. I was just impressed that she got them to vote," the teacher said.

Yeah, talk to me when suffrage in Sudan extends beyond third grade.

SO IT HAS COME TO THIS

I've begun keeping time sheets for my freelance work. really, just to prove to people I am on task.

LIVING IN THE PAST: BUSH AND THE GAY

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2092-2168332,00.html

Bush has had several gay friends in the past, and, according to them, has always been civil and open and accepting. In the 2000 election cycle a former aide, Doug Wead, secretly taped chats with Bush. On one occasion Bush was told he had to criticize gays as a way to curry favour with evangelicals. He retorted: “I’m not going to kick gays, because I’m a sinner. How can I differentiate sin?”

Sullivan's version of Our Hero relates to gays because he's a recovering alcoholic.

Originally written on May 7, 2006

LIVING IN THE PAST: I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS



Originally written on September 6, 2006

This is my friend Bethany. We're hanging out right now. We are both drinking. I am almost tempten to leave in the typos. But I will not.

Anwyay, there'll soon be great shit to brag about. Oh my lord. Yea.

LIVING IN THE PAST: SUPERMAN RETURNS

The more I think about SUPERMAN RETURNS, the less I hate it. I like how, Silver Age aside, Superman has always worked best as a modern strip. And SUPERMAN RETURNS is very modern indeed. Superman is saddened by disaster, and his flights with Lois Lane are reflective and gentley paced.
I lked SUPERMAN RETURNS. Brandon Routh was well-cast. If Superman was a real guy, as realized from a couple Jewish kids in New York, I could see him coming to life as a friendly, well-mean and slightly boring guy with a college education. I really had a vibe like, "this is the true story the comics are based on." He reminded me of the character in SUPERMAN SECRET IDENTITY.

Originally written on July 3, 2006

LIVING IN THE PAST

Exchange students tired

Originally written on August 19, 2006. Now that I think about it, I probably had good and valid reasons for not uploading a picture of a couple Japanese teenagers who were passed out in the back of my car after a day at Seattle Hempfest. But I'm sure they're over 18 now, and they have left the country. I should probably tell the whole story before the end of the year, huh?

LIVING IN THE PAST: MORE HEMPFEST

More hempfest

Originally written on August 19, 2006.

LIVING IN THE PAST: LANCE HENDRICKSEN AND HIS "ART"
















Originally written on January 15, 2007.

Really, nothing about this is particularly impressive, but I laughed at the geese on the pitcher's mound. As if anyone can see at this size.

A NEW LOOK

Which currently looks like crap. Am working on it. Please enjoy the fumbling attempts. And Happy Thanksgiving.

Courtesy of Andrew Sullivan, a look at Conservapedia's most viewed pages:

1. Main Page‎ [1,902,689]
2. Homosexuality‎ [1,541,712]
3. Homosexuality and Hepatitis‎ [516,721]
4. Homosexuality and Promiscuity‎ [420,139]
5. Homosexuality and Parasites‎ [387,872]
6. Homosexuality and Domestic Violence‎ [350,963]
7. Gay Bowel Syndrome‎ [342,650]
8. Homosexuality and Gonorrhea‎ [331,066]
9. Homosexuality and Mental Health‎ [276,531]
10. Homosexuality and Syphilis‎ [265,017]

Interesting, no?

Here's the entry on dinosaurs. Better still, here's the discussion page for the entry on dinosaurs. Conservapedia has my highest endorsement.

LIVING IN THE PAST: WHY I HATE SCOOTER LIBBY

I was pleased to hear the guilty verdict in the I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby perjury trial. I hope more dowfalls follow. In November 2005, I was interviewed by DC television news crew for my reaction. I doubt the piece aired with me intact, because I railed about the guy's stupid name, and said I hope it heralded many indictments to come. I'm still waiting on the latter.

I despise the man for going by the nickname "Scooter"? What possesses a 51 year-old man to let people call him "Scooter"? I'll tell you: arrogance and a sense of entitlement so overwhelming it can probably be seen from space. I mean, the "I" in Libby's name is bad enough. I don't even want to know what establishment dickwad appellation he's disguising there. But I resent that a man can walk around with such a life of privilege that he never realizes he's being called a twat every time he's addressed.

I, too, had a boy's school nickname: Brutus. The story of Libby's nickname is that as a baby, he scooted about his cot. I don't know if that's true, but I bet he got used to it from his prep school friends. They probably heard his parents use it, began using it themselves in mockage a few times, and then continued using it as a nickname for, well, for the the rest of their lives. I don't know if that's true, either.

I got my nickname after someone smashed my tennis racket. Yes, tennis racket. It was a prestigious prep school. Word got around that I did it myself in a fit of rage, against a column (it was a prestigious prep school). That story was so good that whoever did it -- and looking back after twenty years, I think I know who, which is funny because I never had a suspect in mind at the time.

The rich kids started calling me Brutus. As in, brutal. Good-natured mockage, in its way. Since I wasn't friends with any of them before, "Brutus" was the name by which they knew me. I had a number of older friends who called me Dave, but they eventually started with the Brutus stuff, too. (By the way, this was much preferable to the weeks-long running joke that I had AIDS. )

So, people called me Brutus. I never mentioned it to anyone outside the school except by way of explanation, such as when people would call my home, and ask my parents if they could speak to Brutus. I don't think I played a different character when I went by Brutus, although I did take advantage of the acceptance it represented to indulge in my own bullying of less popular kids.

You have to understand, these kids were assholes. Think about attending a school, full of rich kids who had been going there together since kindergarten, making fun of the cheap redneck shit clothing my parents could then afford. And then imagine a fat pre-pubescent rich asshole dressed like Sonny from Miami Vice: pink t-shirt, white linen blazer, white pants. And legit name brand shit, not the Miami Vice costume one would assemble from thrift stores. I meant, could. Em.

Anyway, that stupid fat rich kid could dress like a complete asshole -- he looked ridiculous -- partially because his peers thought it was cool, and the rest let him get away with it. Had I stayed at Gilman,* I would have no doubt I would have been called Brutus until I was 17, and possibly gone to college with a couple guys who would have called me that, and they would have spread it on to the fraternity I would have inevitably joined.

I'd be Brutus right now, and I who knows what I'd be doing right now.

* Which was not a given, even had my parents not moved to Seattle before high school. I was arrested for shoplifting a week before graduation. My older sister tells me that my parents had to "pull some strings"** to just get them to keep them from expelling me the day before eight grade graduation. That would have been something, since the prior year half my classmates were caught routinely stealing from the school store, and received a mass amnesty (although some community service was probably involved). My dad tells me that no such measures were considered.

**I don't know what kind of strings these could be. Poor family, no connections. I doubt they paid a bribe.

Originally written on March 7, 2007. I cannot believe I didn't publish this gem.

LIVING IN THE PAST: Interesting blog post on the origins of Roman names.

"Hi. I'm Stick. These are my friends Pretty-Boy, Piggy, Chickpea, Buzzard, Baldy, Big-Lips, Warty, Lefty, Curly, Gimpy, Hairy, Fatty, Squinty, Animal, Red, Stutters, and Dumb-Ass."

So who are these guys? The cast of the Roman production of West Side Story? Actors who failed in their audition for the Seven Dwarfs?

No. They're aristicrats from Rome's best families, and they're dressed in the red-striped toga of the Senatorial class.

The speaker is Scipio. His friends are Pulcher, Verres, Cicero, Buteo, Calvus, Labeo, Verrucosus, Scaevola, Cincinnatus, Crassipes, Caesar, Crassus, Strabo, Bestia, Rufus, Balbus, and Brutus. You see these names all through Roman history.

(And interesting, isn't it, that Caesar's last words can be translated as "You too, dumb-ass?")

As it happens, my nickname in middle school w as "Brutus." It's interesting how something like that can rise up twenty years later to make me feel like shit.

Originally written on January 16, 2007.

LIVING IN THE PAST: I AM "DEEP THROAT"

I have reason to believe that I am a source in one of the items in this article by Rich Johnstone.

This post was written on October 9, 2007.

LIVING IN THE PAST: FORTY YEARS AND A DAY

I'm going through one of those periods when the Beatles were the greatest band ever.

Side one

1. "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band"

So begins the great album of our time.

2. "With a Little Help from My Friends" (mistitled on album label as "A Little Help from My Friends" on early pressings)

Perhaps my favorite Beatles song. How I love Ringo. The line "Do you believe in a love at first sight" reminds me of a girl who I fell in love with at first sight. It didn't work out.

3. "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds"

Definitely about drugs.

4. "Getting Better"

This song was of particular comfort while I was a teenager.

5. "Fixing a Hole" – 2:38

Kind of druggy for McCartney

6. "She's Leaving Home" – 3:37

One of those songs I sometimes forget is even on the album, because it's of such a piece with other McCartney classics like "Michelle" and "Eleanor Rigby."

7. "Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite!"

Almost every Beatles album had a shitty song on it, usually written by George Harrison. This is the shitty song on Sgt. Pepper not written by George Harrison.

Side two

1. "Within You Without You"

Ah, now the shitty song written by George Harrison. The cd really does a disservice by having the tracks follow so closely.

2. "When I'm Sixty-Four"

Pretty, fun, all right! I remember the documentary, "It Was twenty Years Ago Today," when some hundred year old music expert explained why this is a brilliant song. Lyndon LaRouche would argue that Queen Elizabeth wrote it.

3. "Lovely Rita"

I've always wanted to fuck a meter maid.

4. "Good Morning Good Morning"

Defeinitely in the bottom tier, although not as bad as some other songs on the album. Three crappy songs was kind of high for a Beatles album up to this point, although the Beatles would spend the rest of their careers ensuring that there was no lack of lousy songs on future records. Still, when I listen to Sgt, Pepper, I listen to all of it.

5. "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (Reprise)"

When I was young and stupider, I thought the drums on this song were inspiration for hip hop.

6. "A Day in the Life"

When I was a teenager, I accidentally bumped the balance on my speakers, so when I played this song, I couldn't hear the words -- just the piano on the left speakers. Wow, that blew my fragile little mind.

Originally written on 6/2/07

LIVING IN THE PAST: NIKKI, PAULO, LOST, AIR TRAVEL

I just watched the Nikki and Paulo episode of Lost. I liked it. Completely useless, tied up no ends, cruel, gruesome ending, like an EC comic book.

I just spent a hellish day on the airlines. Fourteen hours from Charlotte, NC to Seattle,WA. I couldn't believe that even Swayer tossed away those diamonds. If they get rescued -- and they WILL get rescued -- that $20 million is gonna be a lot more than the $10,000 they're guaranteed by the Warsaw Convention. I think that's bullshit. If on this hellish trip I got sucked into the fucking Twilinght Zone, and lord fucking knows that is what it felt like at times, and spent 79 days in utter purgatory, you're damn right I'd deserve a lot higher settlement that that. It's just not fucking fair.

Orginally written March 28,2007

This is interesting. While looking over old posts for my 'Living in the past' series, I found this one with 48 comments. What is it about my jackassery on the John Byrne Forum as reported in June 2005 that attracted Mr. Jay Kay and his Profits Super Net? I may never know.

OH, GODDAMMIT

In reviewing my output over the past year, I see that I never published any number of brilliant pieces. Jesus, what I retard I am. So, In the interest of saving the content, I'm going to go ahead and post them now. They were already counted toward the post count, so I don't get extra credit. But my readers, they get pleasure.

So, if you're wondering why the next dozen or so posts discuss disco and roller skating or something, that's why. Living in the past.

I've always been of the opinion that the best satire works on its own terms in the genre it's satirizing. In that respect, Neil Innes, creative mastermind and songwriter behind the Rutles, did his job a little too well. Just about every Rutles song is effective and entertaining pop; the only reason the songs aren't considered pop classics is because they each take off from specific Beatles songs. Very effective power pop, but regrettably, they are so much so they lack much satiric bite (one has to watch the movie for that).

One exception is my favorite Rutles song, "Cheese and Onions," which I first heard covered by Galaxie 500 on a tribute album years ago. The lyrics brilliantly skewer John Lennon's obscurantism and arrogance:

I have always thought
in the back of my mind
Cheese and onions
I have always thought
that the world was unkind
Cheese and onions

Do I have to spell it out?
C-H-E-E-S-E-A-N-D-O-N-I-O-N-S-oh-no

"Do I have to spell it out?" Fuck you, too, John.

Here's a clip from the Rutles movie:



According to Eric Idle, they used the same animators from Yellow Submarine.

UP TOT HE MUTHAFUKKIN CHALLENGE?

I jus' noticed I be nearing muh ma fuckin 1,000th post. Slap mah fro? What wiff muh ma fuckin part-time work/ freelance writing life (just one o' da many things dat I haven't bothered ta blog about), I bet I could reach dat milestone by da end o' da year. Yeah, dat would involve mo' posting than in da last three years combined, but we'll page it uh challenge. So, peep fo' enhanced activity in da next six weeks. Hopefully, I won't be reduced ta re-posting items in jive.

Yeah, da misspelling above iz deliberate. Ya' dig?

UP TOT HE CHALLENGE?

I just noticed I'm nearing my 1,000th post. Isn't that exciting? What with my part-time work/ freelance writing life (just one of the many things that I haven't bothered to blog about), I bet I could reach that milestone by the end of the year. Yeah, that would involve more posting than in the last three years combined, but we'll call it a challenge. So, look for enhanced activity in the next six weeks. Hopefully, I won't be reduced to re-posting items in jive.

Yeah, the misspelling above is deliberate.

By now, surely everyone has has an opinion about the dumbass who dropped $53 K at a strip club, and is now disputing the charges. I do think that is a suspiciously high strip club tab, even at it was five people spending $600 a pop. On the other hand, I did the math, and it's definitely possible. (I'm not going to show my work.)

The reason I'm even bringing up the whole tawdry business is because I laughed out loud at this paragraph from the police report:



I've never had that particular experience, but I think I've had experiences like it. Just like, "How did it come to this?"

Quote of the day: "If you need proof that there's a liberal bias, just note that they have a Nobel Peace Prize, but there is no Nobel War Prize. Outrageous."

My nephew opens his birthday present-a first edition of JB by archibald macleish.

My nephew

Self portrait in infra black and white.

On vacation. Yes that is an elephant behind me.

THE ROAD MAP TO PEACE

I'm enjoying my annual vacation in Washington DC to attend my nephew's birthday party. Last night I went to the Tune Inn, where I joined a couple local advocates, one who works for the ADL and the other for Public Citizen. They collaborated on this map on how to solve the problems in the middle east. Basically, everyone gets out and lets everyone kill each other. The ketchup represents Turkey.

This seems like an odd lawn ornament.

I love this picture of Hillary Clinton circa 1967. It's refreshing to see that under that gruff exterior there once beat the heart of a hot Sixties chick.

Holy shit, my good friend Dave Donihue has a Wikipedia entry! Maybe I'm a nerd, but I'm pretty impressed. I had no idea his middle name is Nelson.

It's a lot better than mine, which is entirely inaccurate. I mean, jesus, they're suggesting I died in 1992? (I was in college, thank you very much.) Still, some of the movie titles they've attributed to me are pretty hilarious.

Good work, Dave.

I really love my new Myspace friend, Vav. He reminds me of Dave Donihue.

Sad new out of Iraq. In what's both a grim reminder and a sad irony, according to Daily Kos, "Two of the seven soldiers who wrote the New York Times op-ed piece criticizing U.S. counterinsurgency strategy 3 ½ weeks ago have been killed in Iraq. Yance T. Gray and Omar Mora died Monday in a vehicle accident in Baghdad."

What they had to say is important, so I'll save it from being behind the New York Times' pay wall.

The Iraq war as we see it
Seven U.S. soldiers speak
Sunday, August 19, 2007
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BAGHDAD: Viewed from Iraq at the tail end of a 15-month deployment, the political debate in Washington is surreal.

Counterinsurgency is, by definition, a competition between insurgents and counterinsurgents for the control and support of a population. To believe that Americans, with an occupying force that long ago outlived its reluctant welcome, can win over a recalcitrant local population and win this counterinsurgency is far-fetched.

As responsible infantrymen and noncommissioned officers with the 82nd Airborne Division soon heading back home, we are skeptical of recent press coverage portraying the conflict as increasingly manageable and feel it has neglected the mounting civil, political and social unrest we see every day. (Obviously, these are our personal views and should not be seen as official within our chain of command.)

The claim that we are increasingly in control of the battlefields in Iraq is an assessment arrived at through a flawed, American-centered framework. Yes, we are militarily superior, but our successes are offset by failures elsewhere. What soldiers call the "battle space" remains the same, with changes only at the margins.

It is crowded with actors who do not fit neatly into boxes: Sunni extremists, Al Qaeda terrorists, Shiite militiamen, criminals and armed tribes. This situation is made more complex by the questionable loyalties and Janus-faced role of the Iraqi police and Iraqi Army, which have been trained and armed at U.S. taxpayers' expense.

A few nights ago, for example, we witnessed the death of one American soldier and the critical wounding of two others when a lethal armor-piercing explosive was detonated between an Iraqi Army checkpoint and a police one. Local Iraqis readily testified to American investigators that Iraqi police and army officers escorted the triggermen and helped plant the bomb. These civilians highlighted their own predicament: Had they informed the Americans of the bomb before the incident, the Iraqi Army, the police or the local Shiite militia would have killed their families.

As many grunts will tell you, this is a near-routine event. Reports that a majority of Iraqi army commanders are now reliable partners can be considered only misleading rhetoric. The truth is that battalion commanders, even if well meaning, have little to no influence over the thousands of obstinate men under them, in an incoherent chain of command, who are really loyal only to their militias.

Similarly, Sunnis, who have been underrepresented in the new Iraqi armed forces, now find themselves forming militias, sometimes with our tacit support. Sunnis recognize that the best guarantee they may have against Shiite militias and the Shiite-dominated government is to form their own armed bands. We arm them to aid in our fight against Al Qaeda.

However, while creating proxies is essential in winning a counterinsurgency, it requires that the proxies are loyal to the center that we claim to support. Armed Sunni tribes have indeed become effective surrogates, but the enduring question is where their loyalties would lie in our absence. The Iraqi government finds itself working at cross purposes with us on this issue because it is justifiably fearful that Sunni militias will turn on it should the Americans leave.

In short, we operate in a bewildering context of determined enemies and questionable allies, one where the balance of forces on the ground remains entirely unclear. (In the course of writing this article, this fact became all too clear: One of us, Staff Sergeant Murphy, a U.S. Army Ranger and reconnaissance team leader, was shot in the head during a "time-sensitive target acquisition mission" on August 12; he is expected to survive and is being flown to a military hospital in the United States.) While we have the will and the resources to fight in this context, we are effectively hamstrung because realities on the ground require measures we will always refuse - namely, the widespread use of lethal and brutal force.

Given the situation, it is important not to assess security from an American-centered perspective. The ability of, say, American observers to safely walk down the streets of formerly violent towns is not a resounding indicator of security. What matters is the experience of the local citizenry and the future of our counterinsurgency. When we take this view, we see that a vast majority of Iraqis feel increasingly insecure and view us as an occupation force that has failed to produce normalcy after four years and is increasingly unlikely to do so as we continue to arm each warring side.

Coupling our military strategy to an insistence that the Iraqis meet political benchmarks for reconciliation is also unhelpful. The morass in the government has fueled confusion while providing no semblance of security to average Iraqis. Leaders are far from arriving at a lasting political settlement. This should not be surprising, since a lasting political solution will not be possible while the military situation remains in flux.

The Iraqi government is run by the main coalition partners of the Shiite-dominated United Iraqi Alliance, with Kurds as minority members. The Shiite clerical establishment formed the alliance to make sure its people did not succumb to the same mistake as in 1920: rebelling against the British and losing what they believed was their inherent right to rule Iraq as the majority. The qualified and reluctant welcome we received from the Shiites since the invasion has to be seen in that historical context. They saw in us something useful for the moment.

Now that moment is passing, as the Shiites have achieved what they believe is rightfully theirs. Their next task is to figure out how best to consolidate the gains, because reconciliation without consolidation risks losing it all. Washington's insistence that the Iraqis correct the three gravest mistakes we made - de-Baathification, the dismantling of the Iraqi Army and the creation of a loose federalist system of government - places us at cross purposes with the government we have committed to support.

Political reconciliation in Iraq will occur, but not at our insistence or in ways that meet our benchmarks. It will happen on Iraqi terms when the reality on the battlefield is congruent with that in the political sphere. There will be no magnanimous solutions that please every party the way we expect, and there will be winners and losers. The choice we have left is to decide which side we will take. Trying to please every party - as we do now - will only ensure we are hated by all in the long run.

The most important front in the counterinsurgency, improving basic social and economic conditions, is the one on which we have failed most miserably. Two million Iraqis are in refugee camps in bordering countries. Close to two million more are internally displaced and now fill many urban slums. Cities lack regular electricity, telephone services and sanitation. "Lucky" Iraqis live in communities barricaded with concrete walls that provide them with a sense of communal claustrophobia rather than any sense of security we would consider normal. In an environment where men with guns rule the streets, engaging in the banalities of life has become a death-defying act.

Four years into our occupation, we have failed on every promise, while we have substituted Baath Party tyranny with a tyranny of Islamist, militia and criminal violence. When the primary preoccupation of average Iraqis is when and how they are likely to be killed, we can hardly feel smug as we hand out care packages. As an Iraqi man told us a few days ago with deep resignation, "We need security, not free food."

In the end, we need to recognize that our presence may have released Iraqis from the grip of a tyrant, but that it has also robbed them of their self-respect. They will soon realize that the best way to regain dignity is to call us what we are - an army of occupation - and force our withdrawal.

Until that happens, it would be prudent for us to increasingly let Iraqis take center stage in all matters, to come up with a nuanced policy in which we assist them from the margins but let them resolve their differences as they see fit. This suggestion is not meant to be defeatist, but rather to highlight our pursuit of incompatible policies to absurd ends without recognizing the incongruities.

We need not talk about our morale. As committed soldiers, we will see this mission through.

Buddhika Jayamaha is a U.S. Army specialist. Wesley D. Smith is a sergeant. Jeremy Roebuck is a sergeant. Omar Mora is a sergeant. Edward Sandmeier is a sergeant. Yance T. Gray is a staff sergeant. Jeremy A. Murphy is a staff sergeant.

Happy birthday, Werner.

I'm loving BulletProof Baby. It's baby-wear for the whole militia.

It's a shame the best stuff -- i.e. the least offensive and insane, like the camo jacket -- is out of stock. My nephew turns two in a month, and "my first riot helmet" is out of my price range.

Check out the product demo for the bullet-proff stroller:



I do believe that kid survived live rounds. Hard core.

OH JESUS...




Flat Daddy.

If you’re reading this page it’s probably because you’ve heard about Flat Daddy™ and the wonderful way it’s being used to help children stay connected to a deployed parent. He’s also filling the “blank space” in family occasion photos, event and trips. Just look at the pictures to see all the places he’s been! It’s exciting.

...

Cindy, and her 19 month old daughter Sarah, introduce you to Flat Daddy™. Three months after Sarah’s dad was deployed, Cindy took a "waist up" photo (highest quality 8x10 color photo) of him, dressed in fatigues, to a local print shop (see #2 below). They enlarged it to life size (see #1 below for how to determine the finished size of the figure) and mounted it on foam board (see #3 below) - like a big, two-dimensional paper doll. "He was missing so many family gatherings" said Cindy. So, Flat Daddy™ traveled to graduations, weddings, and other celebrations where he took his rightful place in the photographs (see #4 below). Copies of the photos were sent to Daddy overseas so he could see where he'd traveled. Cindy keeps an album at home of everywhere Flat Daddy™ has been...even tucking Sarah into bed. Speaking of Sarah, real Daddy received a Flat Sarah, minus the foam board, so he could see how much she'd grown.

I tell myself, this can't be real. But it is, isn't it? People are actually using cardboard stand-ups of soldiers. Do they do this with the deceased, as well? God, that's morbid.

This is so fucking criminal it redefines the term. Let's just publish the whole thing, shall we?

Bush administration officials unveiled a bold new assertion of executive authority yesterday in the dispute over the firing of nine U.S. attorneys, saying that the Justice Department will never be allowed to pursue contempt charges initiated by Congress against White House officials once the president has invoked executive privilege.

The position presents serious legal and political obstacles for congressional Democrats, who have begun laying the groundwork for contempt proceedings against current and former White House officials in order to pry loose information about the dismissals.

Under federal law, a statutory contempt citation by the House or Senate must be submitted to the U.S. attorney for the District of Columbia, "whose duty it shall be to bring the matter before the grand jury for its action."

But administration officials argued yesterday that Congress has no power to force a U.S. attorney to pursue contempt charges in cases, such as the prosecutor firings, in which the president has declared that testimony or documents are protected from release by executive privilege. Officials pointed to a Justice Department legal opinion during the Reagan administration, which made the same argument in a case that was never resolved by the courts.

"A U.S. attorney would not be permitted to bring contempt charges or convene a grand jury in an executive privilege case," said a senior official, who said his remarks reflect a consensus within the administration. "And a U.S. attorney wouldn't be permitted to argue against the reasoned legal opinion that the Justice Department provided. No one should expect that to happen."

The official, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to discuss the issue publicly, added: "It has long been understood that, in circumstances like these, the constitutional prerogatives of the president would make it a futile and purely political act for Congress to refer contempt citations to U.S. attorneys."

Mark J. Rozell, a professor of public policy at George Mason University who has written a book on executive-privilege issues, called the administration's stance "astonishing."

"That's a breathtakingly broad view of the president's role in this system of separation of powers," Rozell said. "What this statement is saying is the president's claim of executive privilege trumps all."

The administration's statement is a dramatic attempt to seize the upper hand in an escalating constitutional battle with Congress, which has been trying for months, without success, to compel White House officials to testify and to turn over documents about their roles in the prosecutor firings last year. The Justice Department and White House in recent weeks have been discussing when and how to disclose the stance, and the official said he decided yesterday that it was time to highlight it.

Yesterday, a House Judiciary subcommittee voted to lay the groundwork for contempt proceedings against White House chief of staff Joshua B. Bolten, following a similar decision last week against former White House counsel Harriet E. Miers.

The administration has not directly informed Congress of its view. A spokeswoman for Rep. John Conyers Jr. (D-Mich.), the Judiciary Committee's chairman, declined to comment . But other leading Democrats attacked the argument.

Senate Majority Leader Harry M. Reid (D-Nev.) called it "an outrageous abuse of executive privilege" and said: "The White House must stop stonewalling and start being accountable to Congress and the American people. No one, including the president, is above the law."

Sen. Charles E. Schumer (N.Y.) said the administration is "hastening a constitutional crisis," and Rep. Henry A. Waxman (D-Calif.) said the position "makes a mockery of the ideal that no one is above the law."

Waxman added: "I suppose the next step would be just disbanding the Justice Department."

Under long-established procedures and laws, the House and Senate can each pursue two kinds of criminal contempt proceedings, and the Senate also has a civil contempt option. The first, called statutory contempt, has been the avenue most frequently pursued in modern times, and is the one that requires a referral to the U.S. attorney in the District.

Both chambers also have an "inherent contempt" power, allowing either body to hold its own trials and even jail those found in defiance of Congress. Although widely used during the 19th century, the power has not been invoked since 1934 and Democratic lawmakers have not displayed an appetite for reviving the practice.

In defending its argument, administration officials point to a 1984 opinion by the Justice Department's Office of Legal Counsel, headed at the time by Theodore B. Olson, a prominent conservative lawyer who was solicitor general from 2001 to 2004. The opinion centered on a contempt citation issued by the House for Anne Gorsuch Burford, then administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency.

It concluded: "The President, through a United States Attorney, need not, indeed may not, prosecute criminally a subordinate for asserting on his behalf a claim of executive privilege. Nor could the Legislative Branch or the courts require or implement the prosecution of such an individual."

In the Burford case, which involved spending on the Superfund program, the White House filed a federal lawsuit to block Congress's contempt action. The conflict subsided when Burford turned over documents to Congress.

The Bush administration has not previously signaled it would forbid a U.S. attorney from pursuing a contempt case in relation to the prosecutor firings. But officials at Justice and elsewhere say it has long held that Congress cannot force such action.

David B. Rifkin, who worked in the Justice Department and White House counsel's office under presidents Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush, praised the position and said it is consistent with the idea of a "unitary executive." In practical terms, he said, "U.S. attorneys are emanations of a president's will." And in constitutional terms, he said, "the president has decided, by virtue of invoking executive privilege, that is the correct policy for the entire executive branch."

But Stanley Brand, who was the Democratic House counsel during the Burford case, said the administration's legal view "turns the constitutional enforcement process on its head. They are saying they will always place a claim of presidential privilege without any judicial determination above a congressional demand for evidence -- without any basis in law." Brand said the position is essentially telling Congress: "Because we control the enforcement process, we are going to thumb our nose at you."

Rozell, the George Mason professor and authority on executive privilege, said the administration's stance "is almost Nixonian in its scope and breadth of interpreting its power. Congress has no recourse at all, in the president's view. . . . It's allowing the executive to define the scope and limits of its own powers."

We;re not heading toward a constitutional crisis. We're in one. Congress needs to grow some balls and make this fight ugly and public.

This is so pathetic:

I now realize what I didn't get at 14, or even at 20: I am a full-blood muggle. Everyone I know is a muggle. Even my heroes are muggles. Most of us live regular sorts of lives, without benefit of spells or potions to cure our problems. The real fantasy of these novels was not a world where magic exists, but a world in which we were all chosen ones.

"Alleged Victim" Alert

I invented the phrase as a joke about the callous approach any-means-to-an-end types bring toward a few broken eggs. Turns out National Review sees me as visionary:

The defense is arguing that they counter-attacked in self-defense. It strikes me as significant that the defense apparently had evidence that one of the alleged victims was a known terrorist, and not a "disabled, retired policeman" (of course he could have been both).

That's my line! It's sad when the right-wing tragicomedy of Dave Miller repeats as farce.

Today I got a phone call from 954-427-4604. As I tend to do with an unfamiliar number, I declined to answer, and instead looked up the number online, hoping, of course, that it was some cute chick I know who I forgot had a Florida area code. Well, that did not happen. But interestingly, the number had a surprising share of Google hits, such as this one.

Here's a preview of the concept art for Love in the year 2000, the brilliant short film I am currently pre-producing. More news to come, I'm sure.

Here's one of the great performances of all time. I like Sid Vicous' tough-guy sociopath posturing, which culminates in gunning down members of the audience, including his girlfriend, Nancy Spungen. It should be mentioned that Sid, whose real name was Simon Ritchie, copped his nom du punk from John Lydon's pet hamster, and was always described as a sweetheart and pussycat by all his friends. On the other hand, he did stab his girlfriend, which gives him a little hardass cred.

Raspberries
Overnight Sensation

Written by Eric Carmen

Well I know it sounds funny
But I'm not in it for the money, no
I don't need reputation
And I'm not in it for the show

I just want a hit record
Want to hear it on the radio
Want a big hit record
One that everybody's got to know

Well the program director don't pull it
Then it's bound to get back the bullet
So bring the group down to the station
You're gonna be an overnight sensation

I've been tryin' to write the lyric
Not offensive but satiric, too
If you can get it in the "A" slot
It's just gotta make a mint for you

And I want a hit record
Want to hear it on the radio
Want a big hit record
One that everybody's got to own

Overnight sensation

I fit the words
To a good melody
Amazing how success
Has been ignoring me so long

I've used my bread
Making demos all day
And writing in the night
While in my head I hear
The record play
Hear it play

Hit record, yeah
Want a hit record, yeah
Want a hit record, yeah
(Number one)
Want a hit record, yeah
(Number one)