HILLARY CLINTON CAN GO FUCK HERSELF

One of the mistakes the touchy-feely Obama supporters have made is their reassurances, even insistence, that no matter what happens in the primaries, that the important thing was defeating the Republican candidate in November, and of course we would vote for Hillary Clinton should it come down to it. Now that I look back, I realize it was Clinton supporters making that argument, and the Obamites nodding in agreement. Now Clinton is invoking that politeness as another reason to deny Obama the nomination: 40% of her supporters have said they will not vote for Obama under any circumstances. (Bear in mind that 24% of her supporters are cross-over votes from epublicans who will vote McCain in the fall)

Well, fuck that. In a Clinton versus McCain contest, I'm voting for McCain.

A Republican president is going to have to work with Democratic majorities in both houses of Congress no matter what. With McCain's reputation for compromise, and to be fair, his recordas well, the fact is that any Republican legislation that passes is going to be gutted by the proverbial liberal boning knife. We won't be enjoying eight years of the socialist worker's utopia that Obama is promising, but the result will still be less conservative than the continental concentration camp that the Right has been assembling in its collective mind, one that Clinton will do her best to implement.

Clinton will do what her husband did in 1996, and what she's done as a Senator. Triangulation: President Clinton will an end-run around the Republicans by co-opting their positions. And a Dem president will not face opposition, so her bills will go through largely only amended by the Republican minority. Result: kinda like a how "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" ended up with more discharges from the military than before.

So there it is. I think it's a bad idea to return the Republicans to the White House. I think the party deserves to be punished for its willful incompetence, and another term will send the wrong message. But a Clinton presidency will take the country further right, and that is something we need even less than a dynastic restoration.

This message was sent using the Picture and Video Messaging service from Verizon Wireless!

To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.

To play video messages sent to email, QuickTime® 6.5 or higher is required. Visit www.apple.com/quicktime/download to download the free player or upgrade your existing QuickTime® Player. Note: During the download process when asked to choose an installation type (Minimum, Recommended or Custom), select Minimum for faster download.

This message was sent using the Picture and Video Messaging service from Verizon Wireless!

To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.

To play video messages sent to email, QuickTime® 6.5 or higher is required. Visit www.apple.com/quicktime/download to download the free player or upgrade your existing QuickTime® Player. Note: During the download process when asked to choose an installation type (Minimum, Recommended or Custom), select Minimum for faster download.

BOY WATCH 2008

HOT TIP

From Slate:

After months of study, it now seems fairly certain that breathing aerosolized hog brain tissue triggers an immune response in the human body that is responsible for these workers' ailments.

This message was sent using the Picture and Video Messaging service from Verizon Wireless!

To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.

To play video messages sent to email, QuickTime® 6.5 or higher is required. Visit www.apple.com/quicktime/download to download the free player or upgrade your existing QuickTime® Player. Note: During the download process when asked to choose an installation type (Minimum, Recommended or Custom), select Minimum for faster download.

WHAT TO EXPECT IN IRAQ

Matthew Yglesias makes a good point about the Iraq debate. Every doomsday scenario given to argue for keeping US troops in Iraq ends up happening anyway.

This, though, has been the time-honored debating ploy of the Iraq forever crowd for years. I recall in 2005 when the troops needed to stay or else there would be ethnic cleansing. So the troops stayed and guess what happened in 2006? Ethnic cleansing. Then when the ethnic cleansing ended, that proved our deployment was working and had to be continued.

I think we can take this farther. Right now we need to maintain troop levels to keep the progress made by the surge and support the Maliki government. Therefore, by the end of 2008, we'll have lost all gains made by the surge, and the Maliki government will have collapsed.

David has spoken.

OH I GET IT, BUSH WAS LYING

Bloggers are finding a nice underreported story about our most Christian President Ever. From Kevin Drum:

Martha Raddatz asked Bush why, during the spiraling violence in Iraq in the summer of 2006, he kept insisting publicly that things were going well:

BUSH: Well, yes. I think we — and I wanted — that's as much trying to bolster the spirits of the people in the field as well as — look, you can't have the commander in chief say to a bunch of kids who are sacrificing either, "It's not worth it," or, "You're losing." I mean, what does that do for morale?

"I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, blah blah blah."

THINGS OF NOTE

The wikipedia page for scrapple. I had no idea it is arguably America's first invented pork food. My mom used to prepare it all the time when I was growing up in Maryland.

BOY WATCH 2008

I've decided to start recording various incidents of politicians referring to Barack Obama as a "boy." I almost started this when Bill Clonton called him a "kid," but nobody else seemed to think is was meant in "that way," aside from the people defending Clinton. If the country surprises me by abstaining from the gutter, I'll devote the space to coverage of the modern-day exploits of New Kids on the Block.

Republicans talk about Iraq, Obama at N. Ky. dinner

U.S. Rep. Geoff Davis, a Hebron Republican, compared Obama and his message for change similar to a "snake oil salesman."

He said in his remarks at the GOP dinner that he also recently participated in a "highly classified, national security simulation" with Obama.

"I'm going to tell you something: That boy's finger does not need to be on the button," Davis said. "He could not make a decision in that simulation that related to a nuclear threat to this country."

WHERE YOU LEAST EXPECT IT II

Economics blogger Megan McArdle on how to make out with tall chicks:

... kissing her standing up will feel desperately weird if you are not at least 6'4, and if you are taller than her, it will feel weird to her (don't be surprised if she stands on her tiptoes in an unconscious attempt to get back to "normal"). Also, all of your normal instincts for that special moment will result in awkward crane-like movements of your head as you discover that nothing is where you expect it to be. Unless you think that you can finesse this smoothly, best to make your initial move while sitting down.

I read McArdle's blog every day or so. I find it entertaining and breezily written. And occasionally, dirty.

ANOTHER ABSTINENCE-ONLY EDUCATION SUCCESS STORY

Fla. Teens Believe Drinking Bleach Will Prevent HIV

Some Teens Also Believe Mountain Dew Will Stop Pregnancy

ORLANDO, Fla. -- Florida teens who believe drinking a cap of bleach will prevent HIV and a shot of Mountain Dew will stop pregnancy have prompted lawmakers to push for an overhaul of sex education in the state.

Another myth is that Florida teens also believe that smoking marijuana will prevent a person from getting pregnant, Local 6 reported.

State lawmakers said the myths are spreading because of Florida's abstinence-only sex education, Local 6 reported.

They are proposing a bill that would require a more comprehensive approach, the report said.

It would still require teaching abstinence but students would also learn about condoms and other methods of birth control and disease prevention.

The bill just passed its first vote in a committee, Local 6 reported.

Watch Local 6 News for more on this story.

Copyright 2008 by Internet Broadcasting Systems and Local6.com. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

STALKERBOWIE

I heard "Love You 'Til Tuesday" for the first time this morning. What a scary song. When I got to the part about him lurking in tree branches, I turned the song off, because I was sure it wouldn't have a happy ending. "Don't be afraid it's only me, hoping for a little romance" is something a serial killer would say.

HE WAS A RIGHT-WING WACKO AND HE WILL BE MISSED

WHERE YOU LEAST EXPECT IT

In this week's Savage Love, Dan Savage devotes his sex advice column to memorialize his mother, who passed away on Monday.

Forgive the cliché: My mom gave me so much. She gave me life, of course, and some other stuff besides: her sense of humor, her bionic bullshit detectors, her colossal sweet tooth. She also gave me—she gave all four of her children (Bill, Ed, Dan, Laura)—her unconditional love. Long after I came out, she told me she always suspected that I might be gay; I was the quiet one, the boy who liked Broadway musicals and baking cakes and shared her passion for Strauss waltzes. When I asked my parents to take me to the national tour of A Chorus Line for my 13th birthday, that should have settled the matter. Your third son? Total fag, lady. But my parents were Catholic and religious and it somehow still came as a shock when I told them. My mother came around fast and she came out swinging—rainbow stickers on her car, a PFLAG membership card in her wallet, and an ultimatum delivered to the whole family: Anyone who had a problem with me had a problem with her.

It's a beautiful piece. She sounds like a remarkable woman, and Dan was lucky to have her for his mother. My condolences and respect.

NOT A SINGLE ONE OF THESE COTTON-PIC-- UH...

THE SADDEST STORY OF THE DAY

Megan McArdle links to the story of one of those poor souls unfortunate enough to have been covered under the Walmart health plan.

A collision with a semi-trailer truck seven years ago left 52-year-old Deborah Shank permanently brain-damaged and in a wheelchair. Her husband, Jim, and three sons found a small source of solace: a $700,000 accident settlement from the trucking company involved.

Instead, all of it is now slated to go to Mrs. Shank's former employer, Wal-Mart Stores Inc.

Two years ago, the retail giant's health plan sued the Shanks for the $470,000 it had spent on her medical care. A federal judge ruled last year in Wal-Mart's favor, backed by an appeals-court decision in August. Now, her family has to rely on Medicaid and Mrs. Shank's social-security payments to keep up her round-the-clock care.

This is the part that really got to me:

The ruling came six days before the Shanks' 18-year-old son, Jeremy, was killed in September last year in Iraq shortly after he arrived in the U.S. Army's 25th Infantry Division... Mrs. Shank went to Jeremy's funeral. But because of memory problems due to her injuries, she gets confused about what happened. On a recent morning, she cried several times and asked what had happened to her middle son. Mr. Shank says that he obtained a divorce from Mrs. Shank this year, partly because of advice from a health-care administrator that she might be more eligible for public aid as a single woman. Mrs. Shank, who has been declared incompetent by a court, hasn't been informed of the divorce by her family.

Byron York blows the lid off another scandal by the liberal New York Times:

...I think it's important to point out that the news pages of the New York Times have yet to report that Rev. Wright said "God damn America." According to a search of the Nexis database, Wright's words have appeared in the paper twice, first in Bill Kristol's column on March 17, and then in Maureen Dowd's column last Sunday, but never in the news pages. If the Times's news sections were your only source of news, you would never know that Rev. Wright had ever said those words.

I like the reasoning here. The New York Times hasn't reported a story, aside from where it has. And what about the high percentage of readers who only read the sports section? They're totally being left out of the loop.

NO DARK SARCASM IN THE CLASSROOM

I'm visiting my parents this week. Whilst in my father's study, I noticed a large accordion file marked with my name. Naturally, I indulged my curiosity and discovered an archive of report cards and brushes with the law covering my school years through about 1992.

Surprisingly to me, I was a strong academic until seventh grade. During sixth grade, I was under the impression that I was doing quite poorly (the public school teachers were relentlessly negative psychos), when in fact, my report card was nearly straight A's.

And then I went to Gilman School in 1985, and despite having grades that would put me in the top third of a college class, the comments are a round denunciation of my efforts, attitude and results.

What happened? Well, when I was 12 I took the SAT, and I scored in the 96th percentile of 12th graders, and that made me special. So, I had to be challenged. And to challenge me, I was enrolled in Gilman School, a prestigious prep in Baltimore. I didn't want to go.

One fucker by the name of R. Smith snidely commented that the majority of my science grade derived from lab work conducted in class "and supposedly at home." Seriously, where does that asshole get off making snide insinuations instead of coming out and telling my parents I wasn't doing homework? And some asshole shop teacher railed -- railed! -- about my poor drafting ability. He implied was retarded. Well, let me imply that Mister Braun was a child molester. And also, I've never used drafting since. My entire life has been a battle against fuckers like them.

A noticeable omission from the teacher comments was any sense that my social dislocation was in any way responsible for my poor grades. You'd think that teachers who gave half a shit might -- might -- suspect that a transfer student was having trouble related to the transfer -- especially the pressure-cooker environment surrounded by contemptuous rich assholes who dressed ridiculously like cops in Miami Vice. But nope, no empathy at all. I was just a wise-ass with bad handwriting who never did homework.

Naturally this record doesn't include my high school and collegiate glory years, during which I achieved near-perfect grades. I had learned by high chool to intercept report cards, and I guess my parents had given up by th time I made honor roll at 19. It'd be nice if my permanent record wasn't simply a document of failure and disappointment. I feel like shit for having read it.

Easter madness

CORERECTION CITY

A few errors crept into yesterday's item about Paul Scofield. The part of King George III was played by Nigel Hawthorne, who is still alive. Paul Scofield was not gay. And the photo accompanying the post was of Laurence Olivier. Use Once and Destroy regrets the errors.

19 AFRICAN AMERICANS, 46 HANDGUNS AND A WHOLE LOT OF HORSES

Thus was my experience at the Aiken Steeplechase.

Paul Scofield is dead. Scofield, an unapologetic homosexual, was perhaps best known for playing the title role in The madness of King George III, replacing Peter O'Toole, who played King George in the first two films in the series.

Bush says if younger, he would work in Afghanistan




"I must say, I'm a little envious," Bush said. "If I were slightly younger and not employed here, I think it would be a fantastic experience to be on the front lines of helping this young democracy succeed."

"It must be exciting for you ... in some ways romantic, in some ways, you know, confronting danger. You're really making history, and thanks," Bush said.

Watch as my virginity grows back

Despite threats of an onstage suicide, Allin died of a heroin overdose in New York City on June 28, 1993, in the Manhattan apartment of John Handley Hurt. He was 36 years old. His last show was at a small club called The Gas Station in New York City. Video footage of the soundcheck, concert, and aftermath is appended to the DVD release of Hated. In his last show the power went out during the second song, after which he trashed the venue and walked the streets of New York naked and covered in blood and feces, surrounded by fans whom he openly embraced. On VH1's Freakiest Concert Moments, Allin's final show ranked at number four.

After arriving at his friend's apartment, some party-goers posed for photos with Allin, not knowing that he was already dead. The next morning, some noticed that Allin still lay motionless in the same place where they had left him, and called for an ambulance. Allin was pronounced dead at the scene.

At his funeral, Allin's bloated, discolored corpse was dressed in his black leather jacket and trademark jock strap. He had a bottle of Jim Beam beside him in his casket, as per his wishes (openly stated in his self-penned acoustic country ballad, "When I Die"). As part of his brother's request, the mortician was instructed not to wash the corpse (which smelled strongly of feces), or apply any makeup. The funeral became a wild party. Friends posed with the corpse, placing drugs and whiskey into its mouth. As the funeral ended, his brother put a pair of headphones on Allin. The headphones were plugged into a portable cassette player, in which was loaded a copy of The Suicide Sessions. The video of his funeral is widely available for purchase, and is an extra feature on the Hated DVD and some bootleg VHS tapes.

BOXING KANGAROOS

I admire the tenacity of this badass kangaroo.

BOXING KANGAROOS

This boxing kangaroo is living the dream...

THOSE BOXING KANGAROOS

In the wild...

IT'S GONNA GET COLD IN THE 1970's.

I was delighted to discover this gem from Marianne Faithfull. Apparently, this is an old, old Roger Waters song, his first about Syd Barrett's lapse into madness. Faithfull's voice is both erotic and terrifying. I love this song.

Incarceration of a Flower Child

Do you remember me ? How we used to be helpless and happy and blind ?
Sunk without hope in a haze of good dope and cheap wine ?
Laying on the living-room floor on those Indian tapestry cushions you made
Thinking of calling our first born Jasmine or Jade.

Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it to me,
Don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about what it might be,
Don't get up to open the door, just stay with me here on the floor,
It's gonna get cold in the 1970's.

You wouldn't listen, you thought you knew better, you just to had to speak to that man.
Please believe me, I'll visit whenever I can.
Laying in your little white room with no windows and three square sedations a day,
You plead with the doctor who's running the show,
"Please don't take Jasmine away and leave me alone.;

Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it to me,
Don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about what it might be,
Don't get up to open the door, just stay with me here on the floor,
It's gonna get cold in the 1970's.

Do you remember me ? How we used to be helpless and happy and blind ?
Sunk without hope in a haze of good dope and cheap wine ?
Now in your little white room with no windows and three square sedations a day
You plead with the doctor who's running the show,
"Please don't take Jasmine away and leave me alone."

IN WHICH I TRIP

It’s 9 am on Friday, March 07, 2008. It’s the new moon, and I am on mescaline. The Beatles are playing – Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. We hope you will enjoy the show.

I took the first gulp of cactus juice at 6:30 AM. Another mouthful at 6:50 and then I walked for five miles. The music on my Ipod was extraordinary – Across the Universe, some Devendra Barnhart, the Incarceration of a Flower Child, Wig Wam Bam, Let’s pretend and wrapping with the Great Gig in the Sky.

Now I’m back, stocked with food and cigarettes. I have a play to go to at 7 tonight.

Everything is so... weird...

Everything is so... weird...

I have a cactus in

I have a cactus in my bag and a pack fresh smokes.

William F. Buckley died. He

William F. Buckley died. He was a cryptofascist and spoke with an affcted accent, and nobody can deny his influence on conservatism and America.

I'm in LA right now. What kind of outfit is this for a news anchor?

FASCINATING

Toynbee tiles (also called Toynbee plaques) are about 250 messages of mysterious origin found embedded in asphalt in several major cities in the United States and three South American capitals. They are generally about the size of an American license plate, but sometimes considerably larger. They contain some variation on the following inscription:

TOYNBEE IDEA
IN KUBRICK'S 2001
RESURRECT DEAD
ON PLANET JUPITER.

Some of the more elaborate tiles also feature cryptic political statements or exhort readers to create and install similar tiles of their own. The material used for making the tiles was long a mystery, but evidence has emerged that they may be primarily made of layers of linoleum and asphalt crack-filling compound.

Articles about the tiles began appearing in the mid-1990s, though references may have started to appear in the mid-1980s.

LOST LIVEBLOG

The helicopter hasn't reached thew freighter yet? What the fuck is going on!?!?!

SAD

Lindsey Lohan is Marilyn Monroe's age, and she looks older. If that makes sense. Sad. I sense her mortality.

Watch more PETA videos at PETATV.com.

PETA come through with their 2008 State of the Union Undress. At first, I thought this year's girl was less attractive than last year's, but once her top came off, the numbers equalized. She gets points for not shaking her tits the way the last one did. She gets more points for declaring "Fur Free" right as she strips off her panties to reveal her shaved snatch. Although, I tend to think that such unnatural attention to pubic hair is contra environmentalist goals.

In the past couple days I've been carded twice for cough medicine. The first time, I just ignored the request and pocketed the junk. Is this supposed to discourage me from taking it home and cooking it into meth? Well let me tell you something, Mr. Drug Czar -- being carded for cold medicine makes me want to cook it into meth all the more. Smoke that, all you drug warriors.

Over at wingnut depositories like National Review and Sound Politics, conservatives are expressing bewilderment that anyone cares about Washington State's election mess of the day. The points which is probably lost on most republicans, is that one of the reasons you get things right when it doesn't matter, is so you can get it right when it does. Or to put it another way, you protect the worst of society to ensure that you protect society's best.

HOLY SHIT

This graphic is captured from a Baltimore Sun web site that tracks homicides in the metro area. The above is every homicide for 2007. It lets you search by date,time, zip code, the whole works. I think every city should have such a service.

JUST A THOUGHT

Was it really such a good idea for Ross Perot to use "Crazy" as his campaign song?

LIVEBLOGGING SUPER TUESDAY

5:13 I am kind of sick, so what better way to pass the time than trying not to squirm too hard on the election results. I have Across the Universe playing to keep me distracted until more polls close at 9 pm Eastern. I'm kind of hating it. I knew it would be a movie I would either love or hate, but I expected to love it.

Obama scored the early win in Georgia. I guess Huckabee collected the first win of the day in West Virginia, but I can't help but feel that WV's participation taints the very word "super."

5:55 Okay, I officially hated Across the Universe. Tim Russert just expressed astonishment by the level of education reached by Democratic voters.

5:57 Clinton wins Massachusetts. As everyone is pointing out, Obama and Clinton are going to roll out of this evening with a minor shift in relative delegates. The fight continues, presumably through Washington State and beyond.

6:16 Over at CNN, it looks like Obama and Clinton have each locked up 7 contests. Obama has DE, MN, KS, CT, AL, IL and GA. Clinton has OK, NJ, MA, MO, AR, NY and TN. It looks like Clinton's are more of the big wins.

6:18 Fox just called NY for McCain, which reminds me that this is Super Tuesday for Republics, too. I'm not as invested.

6:21 I'm so messed up with time zones. Shouldn't we be hearing from AZ, CO and NM pretty soon? I can't believe how long it is gonna take for Cali.

6:24 Clinton now has 272 delegates to Obama's 211. I'm glad people are calculating, because I can't do the math.

6:33 Obama is projected to win nine states to Clinton's seven. Interesting...

6:38 Wow, McCain is seriously clobbering the competition.

6:55 Oh! Karl Rove! He totally wants Hilary to win. I hate him.

7:20 Fox News certainly doesn't pretend to be anything other than the Republican network. Man, how I hate Bill Kristol.

8:22 Losing interest. Obama might be looking at a delegate victory.

8:23 To clarify, the math of it all is turning me off.

QUASI-LIVEBLOGGING THE DEM DEBATE

I just turned on the California Democratic debate. I find myself surprisingly okay with Hilary Clinton.


I'm baffled that Michael Graham at Nation Review thinks either candidate fell flat on the CEO question. Obama shivved Mitt Romney with his answer -- based on how they've run their campaigns, the Dems certainly know what they're doing better than Mitt.

Hillary is certainly not shy about playing the gender card. I think it's fantastic that a woman and a black man are odds-on favorites to be the next president (I
m not sure if I expected to see such a thing in my lifetime; when I was ten, I thought either was forbidden by the Constitution). But unlike some, I don't think either represents an overriding qualification, either. Both have had to face discrimination in a way that rich good-ol'-boys like me or George W. Bush can't comprehend. But identity isn't compelling in a vacuum, and Hilary Clinton's principle are such a vacuum.

A questioner observed that anyone born after 1962 has always had a Bush or Clinton on the ballot (actually, I think she was counting since 1970, but I think the Vice presidential slot in 1980 counts). That is ridiculous. There has been a Clinton or a Bush in the White House since I was seven years old. I'd sure like a chance to vote for a different family for a change. Is this how Republicans felt about FDR?

And then a friend called, and I missed the rest.

GOOD QUESTION

One of Andrew Sullivan's readers reminds me of another reason I disliked Clinton back in the day:

The memories of Monica floated back up, I remembered how they threw her under the bus the first chance they got too. Does anyone doubt Bill would have let Monica rot in jail had it come to that?

Whenever someone defends Bill Clinton on feminist grounds, remember the offensive way Clinton maligned Monica Lewinsky as a stalker. It would have been nice it Bill could have managed a gentlemanly "Leave the girl out of this." Instead he talked shit about her all over town. That's a cruel thing to do during a normal breakup, and when you consider their relative stations in life -- Leader of the Free World and Post-Grad respectively -- a better, more confident president would have realized it was beneath his station to trash her like that.

I'm been struggling to develop an almost incoherent thesis about this, actually. Much of Hilary Clinton's campaign has promoted the experience she gained as First Lady of Arkansas and the United States. If the perosnal relationship ends up as that kind of formal role, doesn't that put lying about an affair back on the table as an impeachable offense? Both Clintons are asserting the partnership in power, so shouldn't acts that harm that partnership be seriously condsidered?

Okay, it doesn't really make any sense.

One quality I enjoy about the Bush right is how they will offer an appreciation of Bush, or another Republican figure, for acts that would be considered laughably inept or damaging, were we living in a sane world.

I'm always amazed when someone on the Right offers an appreciation of George Bush or another hite House figure for acts of cowardice, stupidity or laziness that one would assume would appall more people that they impress. Like this:

Rumsfeld's tenure at Defense is for the historians now, but I know this: he was an unusually far-sighted thinker for a Cabinet official, and his instant strategic clarity by lunchtime of September 11th was critical to this nation's response.

So, Donald Rumsfeld came up with a demonstrably failed war strategy in about two hours, and refused to deviate from it as America lumbered into humiliation and failure. Congratulations. (I know the Right thinks we're winning right now, but they're going to argue that as the helicopters take off from the embassy roof, provided a Republican is in the White House.)

HEH

Barack Obama beat Hillary Clinton so badly in South Carolina it may spawn some new kind of Southern colloquialism. When Clemson spanks an opponent by five touchdowns it will be called an Obama. Fans will taunt the losing team as they walk off the field by making an "O" against their foreheads.

RACE? I'M NOT TOUCHING THAT ONE.

Wow, MSNBC is really laying on the condescending racism. I guess when a former president is dismissively comparing the front-runner to Jessie Jackson for no other reason than Obama is black, it's another sign post for the culture.

AND IT'S OFFICIAL

Obama looks to be walking away with South Carolina. MSNBC is reliving Undercover Brother's satirical campaign coverage as farce, with one reporter stating that the results were as plain as black and white. And he's enjoying support from more than Blacks. Or Afro-Americans. Sometimes I forget what decade we're in.

I wonder why John Edwards is thought to have had a home state advantage. yeah,he was born in South Carolina, but he made his fortune suing the shit out of his neighbors. I can't imagine that would endear you to the homies.

GOOD NEWS

According to The New Republic, Obama is looking at a 20 point victory in South Carolina.

This makes me laugh.

Loaded like a freight train
Flyin' like an aeroplane
Feelin' like a space brain
One more time tonight

Well I'm a west coast struttin'
One bad mother
Got a rattlesnake suitcase
Under my arm
Said I'm a mean machine
Been drinkin' gasoline
And honey you can make my motor hum
Well I got one chance left
In a nine live cat
I got a dog eat dog sly smile
I got a Molotov cocktail with a match to go
I smoke my cigarette with style
An I can tell you honey
You can make my money tonight

Wake up late honey put on your clothes
Take your credit card to the liquor store
That's one for you and two for me by tonight
I'll be loaded like a freight train
Flyin' like an aeroplane
Feelin' like a space brain
One more time tonight

I'm on the nightrain
Bottoms up
I'm on the nightrain
Fill my cup
I'm on the nightrain
Ready to crash and burn
I never learn
I'm on the nightrain
I love that stuff
I'm on the nightrain
I can never get enough
I'm on the nightrain
Never to return - no

Loaded like a freight train
Flyin' like an aeroplane
Speedin' like a space brain
One more time tonight

I'm on the nightrain
And I'm lookin' for some
I'm on the nightrain
So's I can leave this slum
I'm on the nightrain
And I'm ready to crash an' burn
Nightrain
Bottoms up
I'm on the nightrain
Fill my cup
I'm on the nightrain

Whoa yeah
I'm on the nightrain
Love that stuff
I'm on the nightrain
An I can never get enough
Ridin' the nightrain
I guess I
I guess, I guess, I guess I never learn

On the nightrain
Float me home
Ooh I'm on the nightrain
Ridin' the nightrain
Never to return
Nightrain

TAKE A CLASS!

TAKE A POTTERY CLASS!

BRING THE GIRL!



What is the deal with sinister whispers 9influencing Mitt Romney? Here's another:

I was talking to a drug kinpin last week who expressed skepticism that there was ever such a show as Manimal. Proof:

The Onion is on to me.

THE AUDIENCE STRIKES BACK

In 2005, I was Casting Director for this improvised film, about a group of Star Wars fans convened for a focus group about Revenge of the Sith. I wonder if I'll even be credited, considering that more than half the cast I assembled was replaced.

Christ, now I'm wondering if I'm racist for craving ribs right now.

MLK DAY BLOGGING

I went into work this morning, and wondered where the heck everybody was. Oh, right. National holiday.

I was saddened by the lack of right-wing talk radio today. I think it shows a lack of convictions for a bunch of white guys who are outraged that there's a Martin Luther King holiday in the first place to take the day off.

I went to get mu allergy shot and my blood drawn. The lab, I was jabbed several time in an effort to fiund my vein. The first time, the nurse held the needle with just the tip in the vein, and I snapped at her to take it out the rest of the way.

In the elevator on the way out, a man told me, "They're serving ribs in the cafeteria today, and I just couldn't resist." I told him I'd probably treat myself some other time, and he replied, "Today of all days the only time we're ever going to see that." I wonder if that observation would have been offensive from a white guy? (He was African American.)

Lastly, here's King's rightfully legendary Letter from a Birmingham Jail.

CAN I GET THAT WIFEBEATER IN A XXXL?

Courtesy of my dad, here's a picture of me and my cousin Karen, circa 1976. I'm the fat guy on the right in the red hot pants and patriotic wifebeater. I think I just found my Halloween costume for 2008.

PLUTO IS A DISCO BALL

REAL CONVERSATIONS My sister: What's

REAL CONVERSATIONS
My sister: What's up, homie?
My nephew: Peace.

Third in a series

Hayden

Joseph

The next gen

Hayden ford lang and joseph noreys lang, one day old.

I'm at the denver airport.

I'm at the denver airport. Hence the bars are showing denver sports shows. Troy aikman is looking really good.

I STILL BELIEVE

SO IT'S FINALLYCOMETO THIS

Seriously, Jason Statham, how could you do this?

ACK

The Hilary menace rolls on.

UPCOMING RELEASES

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"You wanna know what I think?... You guys who think 9/11 was an inside job are crazy as hell. My wife was the senator from New York when that happened. I was down at Ground Zero. I saw the victims' families. You're nuts."
-- Bill Clinton

I just saw There Will Be Blood, which isn't as good as everybody says. There was a preview for a film called Teeth, which is actually about a woman with a vagina full of teeth.

WHAT ABOUT RON?

I just want to know how Ron Paul did tonight, and I find it appalling that the Republican GOP site doesn't just give you the frickin state-wide results. No wonder their party is dying.

I'm watching Mike Huckabee on Fox, and I can't imagine that bumpkin winning New Hampshire. I think it would be great if McCain won NH, and then Guiliani won Florida. Maybe Romney could win few beuty contests, keeping this a horserace well into March. Or at least Super Tuesday.

Okay, I just checked, and I obviously don't have the foggiest idea what I'm talking about.

I'm thinking it'll be Obama and Rudy as the nominees. Of course, that's my hope for entertainment talking.

OBAMA 37.55%

Awesome.

WHAT WE TALK ABOUT WHEN WE TALK ABOUT "RAY"*

The New Yorker had some pieces in their December 24th issue that qualify for a collective exclamation of "HOLY SHIT!" from writers and indeed all readers and students of literature.

The first is an article about Raymond Carver's relationship with editor Gordon Lish. Lish and Carver's relationship is the stuff of creative writing program legend, with Lish sometimes credited for creating Carver's signature "minimalism" (a term Carver reportedly despised), and sometimes blamed for claiming to have done so. The article summarizes the long and contentious relationship demonstrated in excerpts from their correspondence, in which we read Carver's attitude toward Lish change as Lish moves from mentor. The last few letters document their tentative final collaborations, as Lish resorts to pathetic emotional blackmail to protest his decreasingly strong hand.

Also included is the original text for Beginners, which was enormously improved by Lish's edits and re-titled "What We Talk About When We Talk About Love." Better still, is a transcription of Lish's edits and additions.

It's a shame that marginal notations aren't included, because I'm curious if Lish consulted with Carver before changing characters' names, for example. Based on Carver's discomfort with the sum of Lish's edits, I have to wonder. Because that's one edit that would receive a hearty "fuck you" from me.

It's clear evidence that Lish "made" Carver, so to speak. I often thought the latter Carver of Cathedral was inferior to the writer of "So Much Water So Close To Home" and these letters helped me understand why.

* Every Eastern Washington creative writing professor claims to have met Carver, and they all refer to him as Ray, italics included.

WHO AM I?

I took an online personality test to rev up for the new year. It was kind of useless, since it broke down my answers into categories that were kind of self-evident, but didn't apply any real analysis.

Still, I am amused. Scores are on a scale of 0-100. The overall score for each catagory is in bold, followed by an explanation and a breakdown of my results within each category.

Extraversion...............95
Your score on Extraversion is high, indicating you are sociable, outgoing, energetic, and lively. You prefer to be around people much of the time.

Friendliness.............74
Gregariousness...........84
Assertiveness............94
Activity Level...........80
Excitement-Seeking.......99
Cheerfulness.............63

Agreeableness..............8
Your score on Agreeableness is low, indicating less concern with others' needs Than with your own. People see you as tough, critical, and uncompromising.

Trust....................42
Morality.................13
Altruism.................52
Cooperation..............7
Modesty..................0
Sympathy.................28

Conscientiousness..........32
Your score on Conscientiousness is average. This means you are reasonably reliable, organized, and self-controlled.

Self-Efficacy............75
Orderliness..............0
Dutifulness..............45
Achievement-Striving.....59
Self-Discipline..........69
Cautiousness.............7

Neuroticism................87
Your score on Neuroticism is high, indicating that you are easily upset, even by what most people consider the normal demands of living. People consider you to be sensitive and emotional.

Anxiety..................92
Anger....................98
Depression...............75
Self-Consciousness.......20
Immoderation.............99
Vulnerability............61

Openness to experience.....98
Your score on Openness to Experience is high, indicating you enjoy novelty, variety, and change. You are curious, imaginative, and creative.

Imagination..............96
Artistic Interests.......78
Emotionality.............89
Adventurousness..........81
Intellect................88
Liberalism...............86

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, do these sound like the actions of a man whose had ALL he could eat?

Lionel Hutz: Now, Mrs. Simpson, tell the court in your own words what happened after you and your husband were ejected out of the restaurant.
Marge: Well, we pretty much went straight home.
Lionel Hutz: Mrs. Simpson, remember that you are under oath.
Marge: We drove around until three in the morning looking for another open all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant.
Lionel Hutz: And when you couldn't find one?
Marge: [crying] We...went...fishing!
Lionel Hutz: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, do these sound like the actions of a man whose had ALL he could eat?

'Hearty Eaters' Say Buffet Banned Them

HOUMA, La. (AP) - A 6-foot-3, 265-pound man says a restaurant overcharged him for his trips to the buffet line, then banned him and a relative because they're hearty eaters. A spokesman for the restaurant denies the claim.

Ricky Labit, a disabled offshore worker, said he had been a regular for eight months at the Manchuria Restaurant in Houma, eating there as often as three times a week.

On his most recent visit, he said, a waitress gave him and his wife's cousin, 44-year-old Michael Borrelli, a bill for $46.40, roughly double the buffet price for two adults.

"She says, 'Y'all fat, and y'all eat too much,'" Labit said.

Labit and Borrelli said they felt discriminated against because of their size. "I was stunned, that somebody would say something like that. I ain't that fat, I only weigh 277," Borrelli said, adding that a waitress told him he looked like he a had a "baby in the belly."

Houma accountant Thomas Campo said the men were charged an extra $10 each on Dec. 21 because they made a habit of dining exclusively on the more expensive seafood dishes, including crab legs and frog legs.

"We have a lot of big people there," said Campo, who spoke for owner Li Shang, whose English is limited. "We don't discriminate."

Labit denied ever being told he would be asked to pay more than the standard adult price.

The argument grew heated, and police were called.

The police report states, "The incident was settled when the management advised that the bill was a mistake and, to appease Ricky, the meal was complimentary."

Labit said he insisted on paying but was told not to come back. He complained that when seafood on the buffet line runs out, the restaurant only grudgingly cooks more.

Campo said the proprietress tries to reduce waste of quality food, he said.

"Food is for eating, not toys for your child," reads a sign posted on a wall in typewritten text. A handwritten addition reads "Or 20% added."

Today I got the following email:

Medical Transcription Degree - the key to your future

Online transcription gives you the freedom to work from home.

Start today and earn your degree in as little as 18 months!

Not exactly a longer penis, is it?

FIRST WORDS OF 2008

"Fourth floor?"

THE MIGHTY MIL

The lucky confluence of this being a New Year's post, as well as my thousandth, means that we get an entertainingly disjointed post.

My horoscope: Good intentions to live a healthier lifestyle have yo-yoed over the past couple of weeks, but now that the festive season is almost over you can start again with a refreshed resolve. Center your New Year’s resolution on ditching those unhealthy habits because there’s a high chance of success from today!

I was just telling people I had no reason to set resolutions this year, and the example I used was that I was already practicing yoga four times a week, so no resolution was necessary. So, maybe this is about smoking?

As it turned out, December was not only my most productive month since I started the blog, but it boasted the second-most posting for a year.

Lastly, I have composed this story:

UNTITLED

They reflected later on the impact of the bus' early arrival, three minutes before schedule. On time, late, or even two and a half minutes early would have changed the entire situation. An unnamed woman boarded the bus at Sixth and Thomas, and rode eight blocks to the other side of Broadway. It was economical for her to do so, because she used a bus pass, and this was the last day of the month.

She debarked near Tenth, and walked down Tenth in the dark. The streetlights and porch lights added less illumination than atmosphere. A man walked toward her. She felt the cold, and pulled her coat tighter.

The man passed and she unconsciously released her grip on her sides. As she reaxed she heard four loud footsteps and felt an arm across her neck.

“He-!” she started to exclaim, before her windpiped was closed. She panicked and tried to breath, and the man stabbed at her carelessly with a small utility knife. He stabbed her in the arm. And in the shoulder. And in the side. He stabbed her ten times before letting her go.

She fell to her hands and knes. Now that she could breath again she couldn’t manage to shout. The man gasped in his place, his hands on his knees. He inhaled deeply and walked past her, grabbing her purse from her weekly protesting arm. He walked away, rapidly sorting through the purse’s contents.

And the unnamed woman clutched her wounded side, and prayed to God that she had missed the bus after all.

COUNTING DOWN...

Over the past few hours, I've busily been tying things off for the new year: ran some errands, wrote a grant application, paid for a prostitute, stiffed said prostitute, and replaced the headlamp on my car.

I've been putting that off for months, because the unholy Mazda 626 does not make changing a headlight as easy as it should be. With my old Volvo, changing the headlight took about ten seconds. It was always aimed crooked, but it was a fast process. With the Mazda, I had to screw off the air intake valve. What the fuck is that? Anyway, I had tio perform impromptu surgery to repair one of the connections, but otherwise,mission accomplished. Bring on the new year.

This was post 999. I'm cooking up something special for the millennial posting, so keep your eyes open for it later tonight or tomorrow.

At the EMP

While visitng my family in South Carolina, I discovered my nephew's toy stash included a lot of my old toy stash from the 80's. He's welcome to most of it, but I just had to reclaim Darkseid here for myself, especially after Jameson broke off the left arm right in front of me. A little superglue, and it looks just fine. I'm glad to have it back -- this is one toy I thought was gone forever.