Military might makes America great!

Jessaly Bailey

Apr 22 2004

When I open a newspaper or turn on the TV and see another fallen hero in Iraq,
I am sorely reminded that we are fighting the fifth war of my lifetime. Unlike earlier
wars, this nasty, bloody business of today's war against terrorism is being fought by
America's finest all-volunteer military. Unfortunately, wars are necessary entities
for people to live in a free, democratic world, and Americans are enjoying
unprecedented freedoms because of the valiant fights for liberty by their ancestors
in years past.

I know it is a bitter pill for today's wimpy pacifists to swallow, but the
sacrifices made by all Americans in past wars, particularly World War II, gave
us the victories to become and sustain our envied status as the most powerful
nation on Earth. This unique status, the fact that we are a Judeo-Christian
nation and our democratic freedoms are the reasons warring factions worldwide
hate us. This alone is why we find ourselves again embroiled in defending our
great nation from evil perpetrators bent on terrorizing and destroying Americans
at home and abroad.

The whining against the war in Iraq by the pacifists, socialists, atheists
and cowards among us (terrorists from within) is no mystery. This un-American,
godless crowd has been so brainwashed during the past 50 years by ''rewritten''
American history, they don't have a clue about real democracy, patriotism and
military preparedness. The shift from real American patriotism to pacifism began
in earnest during the 1960s and 1970s, and was emboldened during the
presidential tenure of Lyndon Johnson, our socialist standard bearer. And then,
''in your face'' pacifists Ted Turner and ''Hanoi Jane'' Fonda hit the national
scene. Their mantra was ''make love - not war,'' and thus the sexual revolution
took off. Future cowards were bred daily. Ted Turner created CNN worldwide cable
news and flooded the world with his 24/7 socialist propaganda machine.
Naturally, CNN painted Americans in an unsavory light, and still does so today.

Those who CNN couldn't reach, academia did. Public schools and particularly
universities took up the ''ugly American'' cause. Socialist, pacifist professors
preached rewritten American history. Unsuspecting minds soaked it up. Suddenly
it became popular to rethink treatment of our evil enemies. Wait them out,
negotiate with them. Worse yet, ignore them. This thinking was most prevalent
during Clinton's presidency. He activated the military spasmodically here and
there, but when the going got rough, the United States cut and ran, leaving us
vulnerable and looking weak.

Folks who are too young to remember World War II need to brush up on what
makes America great - military might! In 1941, two aggressive facist powers,
Japan and Germany, attacked our people. On December 8, 1941, then President
Roosevelt declared war on Japan. The German Nazis announced to the world that
they were opposed to democracy and intended to destroy it. By 1944 the armed
forces of the United States numbered more than 12,000,000. We got busy defending
our democracy. In August 1945, President ''give 'em hell'' Harry Truman dropped
a couple of atomic bombs on Japan (talk about collateral damage) and a new era
of American supremacy began. Shortly afterward, the Japanese, who got our drift,
surrendered, and at 7 p.m. on Aug. 14, 1945, President Truman announced that
World War II had ended. Our subsequent occupation of Japan did not breed
resistance but rather taught Japan and the rest of the freedom-loving world a
costly lesson. It resulted in a grateful resolve by the Japanese, Germans and
others to work together to live peacefully. Then like today, Great Britain stood
with us and engaged determinedly to defeat our enemies.

We must tune out today's pacifist whiners and stay put in Iraq as a
liberating, stabilizing force. Like St. Paul in the Scriptures, I thank my God
with every remembrance of our great commander-in-chief, George Bush. He's
today's ''give-'em hell'' Harry.

Jessalyn Bailey is a registered nurse and a native Jacksonian. Write to her
at The Jackson Sun, P.O. Box 1059, Jackson, TN 38302 or you can send an e-mail
to opinions@jacksonsun.com.

''The whining against the war in Iraq by the pacifists, socialists, atheists
and cowards among us (terrorists from within) is no mystery.''

Now THIS is the kind of headline I like to se:

'Laser vision' offers new insights

I can't risk reading the article; I know it'll be a disappointment.

HILARITY ENSUES IN ITS LOWEST FORM

Today's tempest in a teacup comes from the grey laen where comic books and politics intersect. Yes, it's as worthless as it sounds.

Micah Wright is a comic book writer. I've never seen his comic book work, but I think I have linked to his entertaining anti-war posters, which repurpose World War Two posters into anti-Bush propoganda. I've given a few copies of the book as gifts.



As will happen to a vocal anti-war polemic in a time of contraversy, Mr. Wright experienced considerable retort. He responded in kind, unveiling his secret weapon: he was an Army Ranger who fought in Panama, and therefore above criticism.

But he actually wasn't.

This weekend, Wright blew the whistle. Depending on how you read his statements, he was either about to be outed in the Washington Post, and decided to confess to get ahead of the story, or broke the story to the Washington Post.

Here's how he put it (I'm reprinting the entire statement, because of his subsequent edits):

Mea Culpa


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi.

My name is Micah Wright. I'm a former Army Ranger, and I've been lying to you. I've kept the secret for years now, but all lies grow and eventually get out of control. This is me coming clean about my Big Lie. What did I lie about? Oh, nothing much...

Except that I was never an Army Ranger. I never served a day in a Ranger Regiment. I never went to Ranger School. The closest I ever got was Army ROTC.

This entire Army Ranger thing is a stupid lie which has its roots back in college. When I was in the Army ROTC (and I really was, trust me), I met a lot of Rangers, and got to know some of these amazing men. They always impressed me with their inspired competence and their commitment to one another. Though I enjoyed my time in Army ROTC, I decided that eight years of military service was not for me and I left the program. That ended my involvement with the military. But once I was out of the Army ROTC program, there was a lingering impression among friends that I had been in the Regular Army.

Skip forward years later to 2002. It's post-9/11. We'd bombed and invaded Afghanistan. The War On Terror had officially begun. The Patriot Act had passed. Thousands of Muslims had been swept up and held on secret charges. America was becoming a scary place.

That's when I started creating my propaganda posters. I took familiar and iconic war propaganda images from World War II, replaced their text with new messages urging the viewer to reject the lies that they were being fed by the President, and by the news media to which America turns for the facts.

Immediately upon putting the Remixed Propaganda posters on the internet, I received some of the most appalling and hateful email that I'd ever imagined possible. It was an ugly time in our country and people were lashing out in anger and fear against perceived "domestic enemies." I got countless death threats and letters accusing me of being a "traitor" for speaking out against George Bush. I should have my eyes gouged out, knees broken, be shot in the face, killed like a rat with a shovel, on and on. I received such a deluge of these letters that I began to seriously worry about my safety. I even had my phone number de-listed after some threatening phone calls.

In that atmosphere the old Ranger lie came easily to mind. I put up a "companion page" to the posters which claimed that I was a military veteran and who were these people to tell me what I could or could not say? I was a Veteran, dammit, not just a Navy fry-cook or an Air Force typist, either, I was a former Army Ranger! I was interested to see how that one piece of information juxtaposed against the posters would change people's minds about what they were seeing.

After posting the webpage saying that I was a former Ranger, the number of death threats dropped drastically. I still got hate mail, but it was now of a different sort, telling me that my opinion was idiotic or that I had been misled. My fellow Americans seemed to believe that if you had served in the military, this gave you leeway to say what you felt... but if you were NOT a veteran, God forbid you should think opposite of what everyone else thought. Did any of that justify my lie? No. But it made it easier to tell. Too easy.

Then I was contacted about doing a book of the posters. The editor knew the work was good, but that wasn?t the best part. Here, he said, was a man who had been to war but who was AGAINST war! That would be the sales hook! A simple confession at that moment would have ended the lie?and, I felt, my hopes for publication. I chose to continue the lie and to claim that I -was- indeed a Ranger. What would it hurt, I thought, it's not like I'm applying for a job as a policeman or something, I'm just writing a book, right?

And so the Big Ranger Lie grew and grew and grew... and eventually grew out of my control.

As the book progressed, I was enthusiastic... it was shaping up really well. Then my Editor mentioned that he wanted me to detail all of my Ranger experiences in Panama for the foreword--my Big Ranger Lie had tripped me up again. I immediately threw myself into my research, learning as much as I could about the Rangers, talking to Panama vets online, reading contemporary accounts of the invasion and several books and papers from Panamanian sources to get the other side of the story.

Everything in the foreword to "Back The Attack" is based on the truth? except none of it happened to me. It happened to other people, other Americans, other Panamanians. What I learned while researching government and military control of the press in the Panama of 1989 seemed increasingly crucial in examining what was happening around us in the America of 2002... many of the same exact tools were being used and NO ONE in the media was questioning them. It was infuriating to read the Pentagon's words about the War On Terror being directly parroted by the media without any analysis or fact checking. And that anger became my justification for continuing the lie.

That was when my petty Big Ranger Lie became the Big Ranger Media Hoax. How much of my story would anybody bother to verify? Would they ever bother to do even the most basic fact-checking? I actually planted conflicting evidence online, claiming in some places to have served in the 3rd Ranger Battalion, claiming in others to have served in the 2nd Ranger Battalion. Would anyone notice? I put up a photo of "my" Ranger Class on my website and identified myself as an African-American Ranger. Would anyone in the media notice? I gave out fake Platoon Sergeant and Company Commander names... would anyone in the media bother to check to see if they were real? To get quotes from them about what kind of "Ranger" I had been?

The answer was NO. A resounding NO. A roaring stupefying deafening NO. I watched in amazement and simultaneous horror as the story of my "service" spread from small press book reviews to mainstream news outlets. The story appeared in the Boston Globe, the Christian Science Monitor, the New York Times, the Fox News Channel, and countless smaller places.

The peak of the Ranger Media Hoax, though, was a 2-page story in The Washington Post. A reporter called me... I decided to push it. The reporter listened to the story about Panama. He asked if I'd been involved in other military combat. I told him about various imagined secret and classified missions in Peru, Honduras, Costa Rica... I had myself fighting in countries that the United States had never bothered to fight in, I put myself alongside The Nicaraguan Contras... back when I would have been in 8th grade. Would he notice? Or would he eagerly demand more, more, more? He couldn't get enough. Had I been involved in many battles? Had I ever been wounded? Had I ever killed anyone? I hesitated... most of the vets I'd spoken to about this subject were very reluctant to discuss these things. How should I approach it? Claim to have beheaded Manuel Noriega myself? Would he fact-check THAT? Did I have any photos of myself in the Army, he asked? No, I claimed, I'm notoriously camera shy. This should have set off alarm bells: the soldiers I have known have all been camera crazy... there are tons of combat photos of Panama. Meanwhile a photo of "my" Ranger Class was online with myself identified as a black man. Did he clue in? Nope. I was astounded... one of the most important Newspapers in the world was about to print what I said, simply because I affirmed that it was true.

A day later, the article ran. My outrageous lies were printed verbatim. They'd dedicated two full pages to a ridiculous hoax which could have been exposed with a half hour's work. My beliefs in the veracity of the corporate media had been shaken previously, but now they were shattered. I couldn't figure it out. How had this happened? I stared at the paper in shock. Then I realized that the Washington Post had only done what they normally do: run whatever anyone in a uniform or position of authority told them to.

It certainly wasn't unprecedented. After all, Governor George W. Bush had done the same thing in 2000 when running for president. Questions arose and were quickly squashed about his military service. Even today, Bush still hasn't released all of his military records but NO ONE in the media is crying out for them. It's no wonder that my much smaller-scale hoax worked! Of course, this doesn't excuse my hoax... but it certainly motivated it.

Within hours of seeing print, the edges of the hoax began to unravel. I received two separate emails from real Rangers and Special Forces soldiers. They had seen right through me. No matter how much research you do, you can't fool an expert, and in this case the experts weren't fooled for a second. Web pages sprung up overnight: Micah Wright is a Big Fat Liar. "Yes," I thought, "I am." Outraged Rangers started phoning the Washington Post. We haven't heard of this guy. His photo isn't familiar, who the hell is he? The Post, chagrined, began "investigating" after the fact... by calling ME and asking if I was telling the truth.

On the face of it, it was an easy story to disprove. A simple Freedom of Information Act request would turn up no records of me having an active duty military career. Was sending that piece of paper too hard for anyone in the corporate media to do? No wonder huge corporations get away with Enron-sized ripoffs. No wonder Jayson Blair was able to get away with making up the news. No wonder that 55% of Americans still think that Saddam Hussein carried out the 9/11 attacks. The media was sleeping on the job. The Jayson Blair story exploded at the New York Times in April of 2003--the story about "Ranger Micah" ran in the Washington Post on July 6th, 2003. It wasn't like they had no idea that there was a problem or that they should check their sources. Why were they so asleep at the switch?

The entire time the Hoax was running, I asked myself the same question over and over again: why did so many people believe it? Did it seem true because the media had reported it? If so, what does that say about our blind faith in these institutions? If the media got the story so horribly wrong about ME, what else are they horribly wrong about? What other whoppers have they passed along to us without checking the facts on? My take on the situation is that our media picks up a story and repeats the litany over and over again until it becomes fact. This time it was "Ranger Micah" -- what was it last time? What will it be next time?

So why come clean now, you ask? Why shouldn't I continue on, seeing how far I can push it? Well, frankly, I'm sick of it. The corporate-media-hoax part of the joke isn't fun any longer, and the personal side has never been fun. I'm sick of lying to my friends, to employers, to my fans, to myself. I'm not a Ranger. I've lied to so many people about this that it's made me physically ill. I haven?t been able to sleep and I?ve just about given myself an ulcer. The phone would ring and guilt, terror and panic would grip me: is this the day that I get found out? Or is it NPR wanting to do a story on me? How long should I compound the media hoax? To lie to more people? The waiting has become too much. I'm killing the hoax and I'm stopping the lies.

The cat?s out of the bag now... I've finally told the truth. I wish I had a long time ago. In the last year dozens of real Rangers have been killed or wounded overseas--how can I keep lying in the face of that kind of dedication? When I read about the death of Pat Tillman, who sacrificed a high-paying football career in order to join the Rangers, I felt like even more of a fake and a heel. It's time it all ended: I'm not a Ranger, I was never a Ranger and I'm sorry for ever saying that I was. I apologize to every Ranger and to the families of every Ranger.

I lied, and I apologize for that from the bottom of my heart... it was a lousy thing to do and I'm sorry about it. A special apology is owed to the people who I hurt by putting them in the position of spreading my lie, people taken in by the Hoax, and people whose credibility I've helped corrode. For the last two years, this has kept me up nights, wondering why I didn't just come out with it. I can only blame that most human of emotions: fear.

There was one thing that I didn't imagine, that I couldn't imagine: that a lie like this would grow and grow and eventually consume every facet of my entire life. It has weighed on my heart and on my mind for two full years now, slowly crushing my spirits, contaminating my friendships, and threatening to destroy everything about me. I'm well shed of it now. I just hope that others can find it in their hearts to forgive me.

And please... no more death threats.

yours,
Micah
April 15, 2004
###

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A13755-2003Jul5.html

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/style/columns/reliablesource/

***

Within a few hours of posting, he removed the most of the media criticism, leaving the current version on his site.

***

Obviously, this is a story for a slow news day, which I'm in the middle of. The slow news day, not the story.

It brings two things specifically to mind. First, the kind of patriotic justification of opinion is something that's worried me since 9/11. Because I'm so in touch with humanity I guess, I was mostly worried about the amound of bad policy that would rammed though accompanied by various refrains of "I was THERE on September 11th!" and the like. This is the lefty opposite (and one reason John Kerry drones incessantly about his tour in Vietman), where we're only allowing a certain class the moral authority to speak to issues of war and national security.

That fallacy has been ripe since Vietnam, with all the unverifiable tales of vets being spaat on, and of how the protests underminded the boys at the front. And it's nothing new -- some Germans after the First World War blamed their defeat on a civilian "stab in the back."

And it's bullshit. The public has every right to voice a say on, and influence, national policy, especially questionable national policies like war. There may be be excellent reasons to continue warfare in Iraq, but it's stupid to inists that only current and former soldiers get a say. The civilians form the mass of America, and are entitled to dictate its direction.

More importantly, contributions to a public debate need to stand or fall on their own. If you are so unsure of your opinions you have to butress them with false resume, you'll want to brush up on your subject matter before it's necessary to play soldier to get respect.

Wright fell into that trap, and now he's gnawing his leg off in public.

***

The second thing this brings to mind is the macho culture among writers. Ernest Hemingway liked to drink and go on safariis, depite being a writer and named Ernest. Lots of writers are reknowned for their expoits in bed, bars and brawls, and it's appealing, despite being statistically insignificant. I've been to the home pages of many writers who type brutal threats to critical emails, forgetting that the reality of an overweight man hunched over a keyboard isn't exactly intimidating. I'm sure I could kick any writer's ass (and there I go...). Pretending to be a Ranger is part of that pathology.

AND AGAIN I SAY, "WHAT DE FUCK?"

Gay lovers go out on limb
By DEREK ROSE and BILL HUTCHINSON
DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITERS



A teen and his transgender partner romp in Central Park tree.

Two lovers, naked as jaybirds and apparently as crazy as looneybirds, climbed a tree in Central Park yesterday - and put on a bizarre four-hour show that drew cops and hundreds of gawkers.
In a shocking new twist on the birds and the bees, a 17-year-old boy and a 32-year-old preoperative transsexual offered an X-rated sex spectacle - refusing cops' pleas to leave their unlikely love nest 50 feet above the Chess and Checkers House.

The standoff ended at 8:30 p.m., when the duo voluntarily came down and embraced as onlookers cheered. They were then taken away for psychiatric observation.

"We don't get this back home," said tourist Elise Gaillard, 21, of Adelaide, Australia. "Crazy Americans."

Earlier, the teen told cops that his parents did not approve of his relationship with his newly bosomy pal. "I want my mother and my psychologist," he yelled.

When police began scaling the leafy larch tree, the couple climbed higher.

"You think I won't jump?" the transgender tree-hugger screamed at cops, who rushed two cherrypickers to the scene and put a huge airbag around the base of the towering larch.

At one point, the older of the couple broke off a branch and threatened to throw it at cops, before demanding a vanilla diet Pepsi.

When police handed up a regular old diet Pepsi, the 32-year-old hurled the can to the ground, screamed, "Vanilla!" and declared, "What I say goes!"

The couple also shouted complaints about the portrayal of transgender people in the media, and called for an apology on national TV.

"I think they were just mentally distraught, fed up with how people were treating them," said Detective Steven Elter, who climbed up the tree to talk to the couple. "We just tried to talk to them and make them feel comfortable."

The incident came just days after two Canadian women took a swim - fully clothed - in the Central Park reservoir.

Yesterday's surreal antics prompted tourists like Louise Sharp, 24, of Scotland to change their sightseeing plans.

"We were going to go to the Empire State Building, but we thought we'd stay here instead," Sharp said.

HEROES OF PORNOGRAPHY
Part XVIII of a Series



Dr. Sharon Mitchell

Dr. Sharon Mitchell spent 25 years in the Adult Entertainment Industry as an actress, appearing in over 2000 movies, as a dancer performing in venues all over the world, and she has produced and directed over 42 movies. Dr. Mitchell founded the AIM Healthcare Foundationin 1998. AIM is a nonprofit organization serving sexworkers and the general public in areas of HIV testing, and counseling of many types, including gynecology services, STD testing and treatment and industry related educational groups and videotape informational materials. Dr. Mitchell is active in all forms of local and national government and is considered as an activist and educator for sexworkers all over the world. Through her, AIM has become affiliated with government health services in Los Angeles County and at the national level. She regularly speaks about HIV prevention education throughout the US, and has traveled to Hungary and South Africa to address community leaders and sex workers there.

There's a somewhat amusing article on Salon about the Columbine massacre, five years later. It's full of Salon's annoying liberal piety, but as is the case in most articles about mass murderers, there's entertainment to be had:

Rohrbough also blames the Jefferson County Sheriff's Department for looking away from the menace Klebold and Harris had become. At its fairgrounds press conference, the department revealed that it had had no fewer than 15 contacts with Harris and Klebold in the two years leading up the killings. Besides the complaints about snowballs, prank calls, and the burglarized van, the police had been called twice about a Web site Harris had created, in which he threatened death and destruction. On the site, he openly discussed the testing of pipe bombs that he had built and named Atlanta, Pholus, Peltro and Pazzie. "Each has a 14' mortar shell type fuse," Harris wrote, at the age of 15. "Now our only problem is to find the place that will be 'Ground Zero.'" (In the days immediately after the shootings, Sheriff's Department officials would deny that they knew these Web pages even existed).

Atlanta, Pholus, Peltro and Pazzie.

Now, I may be crazy. but I've never actually named my pipe bombs. Rifles? Sure. Severed limbs I've collected? Of course. But bombs? That's fucking nutty.

As a side note, I've noticed that the featured personals of the day that are advertised on Salon tend to be a lot older and less attractive than the ones on other sites I visit.

I believe everyone who has a web site featuring photos, assuming they're at all good looking, should include in their FAQ whether or not they're seeing anyone.

Feeling a little bit ill, I've been taking extra vitamin c. These tablets are chalky and about the size of bullets. They are almost impossible to swallow. What they hell are the manufacturers thinking? I'm sick, and I don't have the strngth to choke down a lump of chalk the size of my tongue.

NOTHING WRONG WITH PRETTY GIRLS





Available now in bookstores, comic shops and newsstands! Four generations of cartoonists -namely JULES FEIFFER, ART SPIEGELMAN, CHRIS WARE, and the late AL HIRSCHFELD- talk with each other about their art. The issue also includes essays and features on a broad range of topics, including R. FIORE on THE SIMPSONS, ALEXANDER THEROUX on CHRIS WARE, never-before-published comic strips by JACK DAVIS, never-before-published excerpts from AL HIRSCHFELD's sketchbooks, DONALD PHELPS on BEN KATCHOR, and a tribute to the late BILL MAULDIN. Last but hardly least is our "Cartoonists On" section, boasting of comics-form essays, short stories and vignettes from today's finest cartoonists on the topic of "The Shock of Recognition" - including the likes of RICK ALTERGOTT, HO CHE ANDERSON, PHOEBE GLOECKNER, BILL GRIFFITH, CAROL SWAIN, SHUNJI ENOMOTO, RICK GEARY, LOS BROS HERNANDEZ, HIDESHI HINO, MIKE KUPPERMAN, SPAIN and many more!

Oddly not mentioned in the copy is MY article on feminist slapstick pornographer Molly Kiely. I'll post it once the shelf life is over, but it turned out pretty good.

This morning I locked myself out of my apartment. A hassle. Yes, indeed. Plan "A" involved backing my car out of its parking space and climbing up over my deck. Didn't work. The parking lot is a couple feet too low. Plan "B" was using a credit card, which I never have the patience for. Plan "C" involved using a ladder. Didn't work. I kicked it out from under me while climbing, and dangled from my deck, 12 feet above the blacktop. Lacking the upper body strength to pull myself up, I dropped. Now looking like I'd been mugged, with a ripped shirt, dirty face, and ugly lacerations on both arms, I gave in to plan "D" -- for "David" -- and just kicked my fucking door down.

Problem solved.

If anyone thinks kicking the door down was drastic, keep in mind, five years ago, it would have been the first thing I did. I have grown up, just a little.

I keep meaning to review THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST but am having trouble boiling down my rather technic criticisms of the inept acting, thoughtless direction and gay-goth-fetish style. However, "FulciGirl" has some interesting things to say: "It is a Jesus Guinea Pig film! In Japan they`re expecting it to be released in a box set with Flowers of Flesh and Blood, Devil`s Experiment, Mermaid in a Manhole, Android of Notre Dame and "He Never Dies". It`s going to be re-titled "MAKE JESUS DIE SLOWLY!" And will feature the scenes edited out of the PASSION by the MPAA! Scenes which shows Jesus having hooks being driven through his nipples and being pulled into the air by thousands of angry jewish children! And then the rabid demon children kill and eat his hamster! Which was a real hamster! Mel had to cut out that bit of the movie cause PETA would have been down on his ASS! Hell hath no fury like PETA scorned! I can`t wait! THREE HOURS OF UNCUT JESUS DEATH!! WOooooooOoooo!"

I hereby link to Mercury Studios.

On Friday I met a girl for Drinks at at "Elephant and Castle," an English-style pub in Downtown Seattle. I brought along some pages for for my upcoming "Painters of Blight" show, and drunkenly left them when I departed for the night.

I had a board meeting Saturday morning, so afterward I went and picked them up. It was a weekend afternoon, in the missidle of the downtown shopping district, there were at least four ambulances streaking around and saving lives, and finally, there was a parade.

I parked in a meter spot right across the street, almost. It was as close as I could possibly park under the best of circumstance. I paid a quarter, walked in, picked up the calendar, walked out, and was on my way. I was in and out of downtown in ten minutes.

Did I mention there was a parade?

It was worth leaving them there so I could have that awesome experience.

I'm going to guess that Andrea Carlton is actively looking for people watching porn at this point...

Motorists Spot X-Rated Films in Some Cars

By DAVID RUNK
The Associated Press
Wednesday, March 10, 2004; 2:36 PM


DETROIT - Andrea Carlton hadn't planned on telling her daughter about the birds and bees until she was 8 or 9. But that changed the night 4-year-old Catherine spotted a porno movie flickering on a screen in a minivan nearby.

"Just like there's no windows in a strip club, you shouldn't be able to see inside windows in a car when they're watching X-rated movies," said Carlton, a 26-year-old from Gurnee, Ill.

More and more Americans are buying vehicles with DVD players, usually to keep the kids entertained. But an increasing number of other people on the road are catching a glimpse through the windows of more than just "Finding Nemo" and "SpongeBob SquarePants."

Depending on where they are driving or parked, motorists could face fines and even jail time for screening X-rated stuff. But where the law may not be clear, some are calling for tighter regulation.

"Residents should not be subjected to those obscenities," said Flint City Councilwoman Carolyn Sims, who is examining whether an ordinance packing a $500 fine is needed. "They do have a right to have peace and tranquility and not to have this exposure to sex in their face."

A driver in Schenectady, N.Y., was arrested last month after rolling past police with a DVD titled "Chocolate Foam" playing on the passenger-side sun visor in his Mercedes-Benz, authorities said. The movie also was rolling on screens set into the car's headrests.

The driver was accused of breaking state laws prohibiting watching TV while driving, as well as another law making it illegal to exhibit sexually explicit material in a public place.

"The detective had a clear view of what was playing through the window. Anyone walking by on the street could have see it," Schenectady police Lt. Peter Frisoni Jr. said of the nighttime traffic stop. "If he had dark, tinted windows where you couldn't see in, that wouldn't be a public display."

As for Carlton, she and her husband were driving in the Chicago suburb of Buffalo Grove when Catherine glimpsed the sexually explicit movie. The experience last fall upset the girl and angered Carlton.

Carlton and her husband sat down with Catherine and offered the best explanation they could. Since then, Carlton has spotted other motorists with explicit movies playing, including a couple watching from the back seat of their car in a store parking lot.

"You're not allowed to have sex in your car, so why are you allowed to watch it?" Carlton asked.

Most states, including Michigan, have laws that make it illegal to watch TV while driving. Laws governing the exhibition of pornography vary by state, but experts say they could be applied to drivers as well.

"I think those restrictions would apply if the content is located in a vehicle," said Jeff Matsuura, director of the law and technology program at the University of Dayton. "You have effectively moved beyond the privacy of your own home."

During the day, it is often difficult to see what is playing inside another vehicle. But at night, the screens are easily visible from a passing car or a vehicle stopped alongside at a traffic light. The screens are also getting bigger.

In Flint, Sims took up the issue after hearing from a woman who was driving with her 5-year-old when she spotted porn playing on a vehicle's 13-inch TV screen. A police officer who happened to see the display pulled over the driver, Sims said, but let him off with a warning.

To Sims, a 23-year police veteran who retired in 2001, playing an explicit movie in view of other motorists or pedestrians is akin to flashing or having sex in a public place.

But Michigan State Police, who have not had any cases of in-car porn, say playing an X-rated movie might not be easy to prosecute unless it can be proved that the motorist intended for others to see it.

THIS IS NOT ME:

Jen Chapin (third from right) cuts the ribbon at the ceremony dedicating to New York artists the Hard Rock CafŽ's Liberty Room. With Jen are (from left to right): David Miller along with Jaime, Jason, Josh, Tom, and Sandy Chapin.

THIS IS NOT ME, EITHER:


Toronto women support David Miller

On Wednesday, 250 women filled St. Lawrence Hall at a lunch in support of David. Attendees included actor Sarah Polley, writer June Callwood, and advisor to the McGuinty government, Karen Pitre.

"Many of the women who came here today are known advocates, and each has earned a reputation of dedication to the betterment of our society, whether in social justice, women's equality rights, antiracism, environmental protection or responsible government," said Susan Eng, lawyer and host of the event. "What links them together today is not political stripe, but their belief that we can always do better. They are impressed that David is prepared to campaign on principles, and resist the bullying of powerful interests. This is how they themselves serve the public interest."

The women in attendance praised David's strong track record on specific women's issues such as childcare and pay equity, and the room erupted in cheers and applause as David said "Every issue in this city is a women's issue."

NOT THIS GUY:

David is perhaps best known for his underwater studies of game and coarse fish, inspired by a lifetime passion for angling and by hours spent snorkeling and diving in British rivers, lakes and gravel pits. This knowledge and understanding of his subjects is clearly reflected in his work, and has resulted in a growing international reputation, with some of his larger fish paintings now hanging in London, Tokyo and New York boardrooms.

FUCK THIS:
Money making David Miller has been that wholesome face featured in stunning ad campaigns for clients ranging from Valentino to Ralph Lauren to Tommy Hilfiger (whew!) South Africa's hottest new export sat down for a hot second with MODELS.com's glamour puss Jacqueline Couppe de Ker Martin and boy are we happy he didn't charge us his day rate. Now meet the man all the designers are booking left, right and center.

JESUS (Literally):

You are here to talk about sex. You got the right guy.

OKAY, FUCK IT. CALL ME TOMMY MACPHERSON OR SOMETHING.

Tommy MacPherson is the featured instructor for the Field Programs Division. Tommy has been on the Alabama Fire College’s Adjunct Faculty since 1995. He holds certification as a Fire Fighter I, Fire Fighter II, Airport Fire Fighter, Fire Instructor I & II, Fire Investigator, Fire Officer I, Apparatus Operator: Pumper, Hazardous Materials Technician, and EMT Basic. Tommy also holds the National Cave Rescue Commission’s Levels 1, 2, 3 and Instructor. In addition, he is a CPR and BLS Instructor.

Tommy has been active in the volunteer fire service for more than 12 years, serving as the Chief of Brindlee Mountain Fire Department for the last four years.

FUCK.

Last night as I was getting ready for bed, I thought cheerfully, "Hey, it's almost Tuesday already!" How sad is that? "Gee, only fourteen hours to go until the week is half over!" I had no idea I was such a Pollyanna.

OSCAR 2004



A bit belated, possible because I found it hard to care.

My notes: I felt bad for Keisha Castle-Hughes, who made an unfortunate choice to be accompanied by an unrecognizeable entertainment television journalist in her limo to the awards, cheapening what will probably be the only big night of her acting career. At least she had a worse experience than losing. On the red carpet, it was funny how Sofia Coppola downplayed her father when asked about him, changing the subject to her massive family. Who all seemed to be there. I know they are Hollywood royalty and all, but does any clan deserve 45 seats at any awards show? I have to say, I'm getting tired of hearing about how if Sofia Chenstein made Lost In Translation, she wouldn't have been nominated. That might be true, but it's a decent enough movie, so pople should leave her alone. At least she's not her smug, retarded brother. Total contrast from last year. I was on the edge of my seat -- when I was awake and upright, that is, waiting for a single moment as beutiful and self-important as when the writer of Chicago thanked director Rob Marshall for his vision, and Marshall responded by mouthing, "you're welcome." Everyone thanked Peter Jackson, and he would just smile and wave. Maybe it's because I'm more sympathetic to the director of Meet the Feebles than I am some hack apparently chosen by Miramax for his ability to follow orders an unimaginitively as possible, but I prefer Jackson's approach. Even at the end, when the entire cast, crew and everyone who had seen Lord of the Rings took the stage, it was less offensive than Harvey Weinstein waving Marshall to join him last year, perhaps because it seemed self-effacing and generous, rather than the sullen entitlement that seemed to fuel the Chicago producers' gesture. I was happy when Renee Zellweger won. I wrote "Yay!" She's just so darn cute. It was weird how old men kept rubbing their chests while they talked. Billy Crystal is witless. How did Scarlett Johansson score a seat next to Sean Connery? I don't know whether to be jealous or afraid for her. Seeing Heath Ledger next to Naomi Watts also sparked jealousy, but also made me wonder if his hairline is receding out of some evolutionary predisposition to make him look age-appropriate to date the older woman? And needless to say: Death to Heath Ledger! Bill Murray is awsome: "we were politely refused." It was strange that the Best Picture nominees were introduced by actors from the films. Seemed awkward. But Murray's testimonial to Sofia Coppola was fantastic, and should convert the skeptical, if they have any sense. It'd be nice if it was online somewhere. Even though it's annoying that one not-so-great movie won everything it was expected to, it's pretty cool that a decade ago, Peter Jackson was making zombie movies; in 2004 he owned the Academy awards. That's pretty cool.

My understanding is there were a number of amusing moments during the ceremony. I missed them all, from sleep or indifference. I missed Blake Edwards reportedly amusing entrance in a speeding wheelchair because when Jim Carrey took the stage to introduce him, I muted the television and retired to another room to read for fifteen mintues. Other stuff just didn't register.

My final thought, which I realized tonight: I didn't know Paul Giamatti was there until I read it this morning.

The Onion has a much funnier recap than I am capable of, although I'm a little ashamed to get that joke about Charlize Theron:

Pre-show: The day begins at 9 a.m. PST on E!, which sponsors seven hours of eerily vacant red-carpet coverage, like C-SPAN After Dark... On the Barbara Walters special, Matt LeBlanc shills for his surefire Friends spin-off Joey, Diane Keaton ponders which of her former movie-star lovers was the hottest, Walters extracts man-tears from Billy Crystal like a grifter with an easy mark, and Shrek 2 opens May 21st at theaters everywhere... On the official ABC pre-show, Will Smith refers to this as "a non-nomination year" for him and wife Jada Pinkett Smith, who share one nomination between them. In a great piece of shtick, Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson argue over which one felt Whale Rider forced him to examine his heart. Wilson then flusters a spokesmodel by asking if her breasts are real.


:01 Returning for an eighth appearance as host, Billy Crystal kicks off an ass-busting ceremony by appearing semi-nude and/or bearded in a montage of movie moments. A night where most everybody will wear muzzles after last year's politically-charged event begins with Michael Moore symbolically crushed under a stampeding oliphant from The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King.

:07 A stale year for Crystal's trademark song parodies, save for one couplet aimed at Clint Eastwood: "You make hits, you don't make schlock / You've performed with monkeys and Sondra Locke."

:21 Tim Robbins wins Best Supporting Actor, the first non-surprise in an evening of non-surprises. A nation sighs "Oh, here we go..." when Robbins says he has one more thing to add to his speech, then breathes easy as he takes a bold stance on behalf of abuse victims, who needn't be ashamed to seek counseling.

:34 The man of a thousand voices, from Frenchman to gay Frenchman, Robin Williams speed-riffs on Janet Jackson, gay marriage, and freedom fries, like a coked-out Jay Leno.

:47 When Renée Zellweger mentions Tom Cruise after winning for Cold Mountain, the camera cuts to Nicole Kidman, on the off chance that she'll scowl or burst into tears. No dice.

1:08 Time actually stops during a grueling marathon of Best Song nominees; the three slow-tempo numbers conclude with "Into The West," Annie Lennox's seat-clearing closing-credits ballad from The Return Of The King. To paraphrase Krusty The Clown, the Oscars remain the tightest three hours and 15 minutes in show business.

1:30 Alias femme Jennifer Garner wistfully recalls an unforgettable Valentine's Day spent with the winners of the Scientific And Technical Achievement awards, including that guy who created motion-control software and that dude who won the vaunted Gordon E. Sawyer Award.

1:32 Lifetime Achievement winner Blake Edwards makes a great entrance on a runaway wheelchair and at least attempts a colorful speech, with mixed results. The Oscar-montage people pretty much stop at 1982's Victor/Victoria, ignoring such undisputed late-period Edwards classics as A Fine Mess, That's Life!, Blind Date, Sunset, and Switch.

1:47 Scarlett Johansson drops the evening's strangest non-joke ("Believe it or not, I've been wearing makeup for 35 years"), only to be later topped by Lord Of The Rings producer Barrie M. Osborne, who delivers the immortal, "I dated Billy Crystal's cousin."

2:06 Oprah Winfrey introduces Mystic River by noting, "I love a great movie." Amen to that.

2:12 Errol Morris wins a richly deserved Oscar for The Fog Of War, then finds a way to tick off everybody: Leftists by thanking Robert McNamara, rightists by his oblique comparisons of Iraq to Vietnam, and everyone else by ungraciously, emphatically praising the Academy for "finally" recognizing his work.

2:19 Among the memorialized dead, HUAC stoolie Elia Kazan and Nazi propagandist Leni Riefenstahl are listed back-to-back. Coincidence?

2:45 Jack Black and Will Ferrell preface the Best Song announcement by singing a hilarious (and apropos) ode to boring speeches, namechecking Del Taco to boot. Ferrell deadpans another line-of-the-night contender: "There's no greater weapon in the director's arsenal than a strategically placed song."

3:15 Adrien Brody introduces Best Actress with a dash of breath spray. The new low-angle stage camera makes amazonian beauty Charlize Theron—winner for Most Acting in Monster—look like a sexy Yao Ming. She'll take on Mothra in her next movie.

3:27 Comedy bows to drama yet again as Bill Murray and Johnny Depp yield the Best Actor award to the Method anguish of Sean Penn, who gets a standing ovation. Penn keeps it real by slipping a WMD reference into his speech, but he falls into line quickly, graciously acknowledging his fellow actors.

3:34 The Return Of The King wins Best Picture, capping an improbable 11-for-11 sweep. And it wouldn't have happened if director Peter Jackson hadn't "pushed for 110 percent" from his collaborators.

3:40 In a nice theatrical touch, the winners all appear on stage together. Not since the Rosie O'Donnell-produced Boy George Broadway musical Taboo bombed in previews have entertainers had less cause to take a bow.