Not because we like him, but because we admire his courage and tenacity, qualities which are necessary if you're going through life with your severed head in a dish.
Monday, November 01, 2004
Thursday, October 28, 2004
The Wit of President Bush
The worst thing about this is how satisfied he appears by his own humor. I've literally been in the same position, and never spared an extra fifteen second for self-satisfied smirking.
The worst thing about this is how satisfied he appears by his own humor. I've literally been in the same position, and never spared an extra fifteen second for self-satisfied smirking.
Thursday, October 21, 2004
After The Apprentice was over, I decided to keep the television on and give ER a chance, for the fist time in some while, partly because the commercials implied the departure from the series of the one character I recognized. The show began with a loud scene of domestic terror, and I turned it off. Fuck if I need to see that.
Saturday, October 16, 2004
Friday, September 17, 2004
Sophia Parlock, 3, cries while seated on the shoulders of her father, Phil Parlock, a supporter of President Bush, after a Bush-Cheney sign she and her father were holding was torn up by another person standing in the crowd that had gathered to greet Democratic vice presidential nominee Sen. John Edwards, D-N.C.
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
Slate has reduced Kitty Kelly's new Bush tome to its elemental core.
Page 271: Joke excised from Bush's 2001 Yale commencement speech: "It's great to return to New Haven. My car was followed all the way from the airport by a long line of police cars with slowly rotating lights. It was just like being an undergraduate again."
I know as a right-thinking sentient I'm supposed to hate the guy, but he keeps making jokes like this, and I just can't. If only he were Baseball Commissioner, he would be beloved.
The rest...
Academic Honors
Page 252: George H.W. Bush comes to the rescue when his sons run afoul of Andover honor codes. Jeb violates the school's alcohol ban, but he's allowed to finish his degree after his father intervenes. Years later, Kelley writes, school officials catch W.'s younger brother Marvin with drugs, but dad talks them out of expulsion and secures for his son an "honorary transfer" to another school.
Whatever. My parents talked a private school out of expelling me, but they were hardly throwing their political weight around.
Sex and Drugs
Page 49: Prescott Bush frequently shows up drunk at the lavish Hartford Club and never tips the bellboys. "Finally we figured out how to exact revenge," says one bellboy. "Whenever he came in drunk and wanted to go upstairs, we'd take him in the elevator and stop about three inches from his floor. He'd step out and fall flat on his face."
Page 79: In a letter to his mother during World War II, H.W. fulminates against the casual sex he sees at a Naval Air Station: "These girls are not prostitutes, but just girls without any morals at all."
If he wasn't being such a prissy nitwit, this would be a clever remark.
Page 266: George W. and cocaine. One anonymous Yalie claims he sold coke to Bush; another classmate says he and Bush snorted the drug together. Sharon Bush, W.'s ex-sister-in-law, tells Kelley that Bush has used cocaine at Camp David "not once, but many times." (Sharon has since denied telling Kelley this.)
This would be more interesting if the anonymous Yalie has purchased the cocaine from Bush.
Page 575: A friend says Laura Bush was the "go-to girl for dime bags" at Southern Methodist University.
I find this extremely hard to believe.
Ibid.: George and Laura visit Hall of Fame pitcher Sandy Koufax and his girlfriend Jane Clark in the Caribbean and attended pot parties.
This doesn't even make any sense.
Team Sports
Page 258-59: Under the moniker "Tweeds Bush," W. presides as unofficial chairman of Andover's stickball league. He manufactures a series of bogus membership cards that double as fake IDs in Boston bars.
God, this means my sister could be President someday.
Ibid.: W. introduces the school to the sport of pig ball, which involves throwing a football high in the air and then throttling a random player. As one ex-student puts it, "[T]o me he is the epitome of pig ball."
What the fuck?
Page 276: George H.W. challenges Yale chaplain William Sloane Coffin to a series of squash games. When Coffin takes four in a row, Bush refuses to quit until he wins. "That time I kicked a little ass and it felt good," Coffin gloats.
This is awesome. Again, what the fuck is up with that "pig ball" thing. Seriously. What the fuck? What kind of game involves throttling a random player? Is this on South Park?
Matriarchs
Page 191: At Yale, George H.W. asks Bar find a job to pay for her smoking habit.
I bet he also insisted she smoke the same brand all the time, so he'd know if she had any company over.
Page 467: An associate on Barbara: "She can make a clean kill from a thousand yards away. … [W]hen she delivers the life-taking blow, she does it with a thin-lipped smile."
I assume this is a metaphor. If not, then it's hardly crticism.
Page 534: After Bush loses the 1992 election, Barbara holds a White House rummage sale and hawks her lightly used ball gowns to staffers.
Again, unsettling image of one of my sisters living in the White House.
Black Sheep
Page 337-39: Prescott Bush III—"P3"—abandons his wife shortly after their wedding and, according to various accounts, is diagnosed with schizophrenia and moves in with members of the Weather Underground.
Huh? Awesome. I definitely want to know more about this story.
Compassionate Conservatism
Page 247: H.W. campaigns hard to be Nixon's running mate in 1968. Nixon goes with Spiro Agnew, a Greek-American, whom Bush derides as "Zorba, the Veep."
There's no way Bush is that clever. No fucking way.
Page 252: George W. hangs a Confederate flag in his dorm room at Andover.
I did that too. It gave me "personality."
Page 481: Miss USA visits the Oval Office in 1989 and affirms her commitment to world peace. After she leaves, H.W. tells reporters, "Did ya hear that, fellas? It's all about brains now. I liked it better when it was just bikinis."
Hardly an offensive sentiment. Only George H.W. Bush alone could sound like a twit saying that ( and how I hate typing his stupid fucking intials. Asshole.).
Power Plays
Page 454: After a testy interview with Dan Rather in 1988, H.W. remarks, "That guy makes Lesley Stahl look like a pussy."
Page 598: George W. to McCain during the nasty 2000 South Carolina primary: "John, we've got to start running a better campaign." McCain: "Don't give me that shit. And take your hands off me."
Oh, shit. That would have been an awesome fight.
Secrets of the Bushies
Page 95: George H.W. weeps during Skull and Bones initiation when describing his World War II heroics.
Page 213; 347: H.W. as Oliver Stone—hours after the Kennedy assassination, Bush phones the FBI and tells them about a 24-year-old Bircher who he says plotted to kill the president. The man is later cleared. As CIA director, for reasons no one quite understands, Bush demands to see many of the agency's assassination files.
Page 618: A friend says that during their famous Crawford summit, Bush treated Russia's Vladimir Putin as if he were an unreformed Communist apparatchik: "I told Putin that in this country we own our own homes and because we own them we take great pride in them. … I don't think the son of a bitch knew what the hell I was talking about."
To be fair, Bush told me the same thing when I knew him. Like I didn't what property ownership is. What a dipshit.
Page 271: Joke excised from Bush's 2001 Yale commencement speech: "It's great to return to New Haven. My car was followed all the way from the airport by a long line of police cars with slowly rotating lights. It was just like being an undergraduate again."
I know as a right-thinking sentient I'm supposed to hate the guy, but he keeps making jokes like this, and I just can't. If only he were Baseball Commissioner, he would be beloved.
The rest...
Academic Honors
Page 252: George H.W. Bush comes to the rescue when his sons run afoul of Andover honor codes. Jeb violates the school's alcohol ban, but he's allowed to finish his degree after his father intervenes. Years later, Kelley writes, school officials catch W.'s younger brother Marvin with drugs, but dad talks them out of expulsion and secures for his son an "honorary transfer" to another school.
Whatever. My parents talked a private school out of expelling me, but they were hardly throwing their political weight around.
Sex and Drugs
Page 49: Prescott Bush frequently shows up drunk at the lavish Hartford Club and never tips the bellboys. "Finally we figured out how to exact revenge," says one bellboy. "Whenever he came in drunk and wanted to go upstairs, we'd take him in the elevator and stop about three inches from his floor. He'd step out and fall flat on his face."
Page 79: In a letter to his mother during World War II, H.W. fulminates against the casual sex he sees at a Naval Air Station: "These girls are not prostitutes, but just girls without any morals at all."
If he wasn't being such a prissy nitwit, this would be a clever remark.
Page 266: George W. and cocaine. One anonymous Yalie claims he sold coke to Bush; another classmate says he and Bush snorted the drug together. Sharon Bush, W.'s ex-sister-in-law, tells Kelley that Bush has used cocaine at Camp David "not once, but many times." (Sharon has since denied telling Kelley this.)
This would be more interesting if the anonymous Yalie has purchased the cocaine from Bush.
Page 575: A friend says Laura Bush was the "go-to girl for dime bags" at Southern Methodist University.
I find this extremely hard to believe.
Ibid.: George and Laura visit Hall of Fame pitcher Sandy Koufax and his girlfriend Jane Clark in the Caribbean and attended pot parties.
This doesn't even make any sense.
Team Sports
Page 258-59: Under the moniker "Tweeds Bush," W. presides as unofficial chairman of Andover's stickball league. He manufactures a series of bogus membership cards that double as fake IDs in Boston bars.
God, this means my sister could be President someday.
Ibid.: W. introduces the school to the sport of pig ball, which involves throwing a football high in the air and then throttling a random player. As one ex-student puts it, "[T]o me he is the epitome of pig ball."
What the fuck?
Page 276: George H.W. challenges Yale chaplain William Sloane Coffin to a series of squash games. When Coffin takes four in a row, Bush refuses to quit until he wins. "That time I kicked a little ass and it felt good," Coffin gloats.
This is awesome. Again, what the fuck is up with that "pig ball" thing. Seriously. What the fuck? What kind of game involves throttling a random player? Is this on South Park?
Matriarchs
Page 191: At Yale, George H.W. asks Bar find a job to pay for her smoking habit.
I bet he also insisted she smoke the same brand all the time, so he'd know if she had any company over.
Page 467: An associate on Barbara: "She can make a clean kill from a thousand yards away. … [W]hen she delivers the life-taking blow, she does it with a thin-lipped smile."
I assume this is a metaphor. If not, then it's hardly crticism.
Page 534: After Bush loses the 1992 election, Barbara holds a White House rummage sale and hawks her lightly used ball gowns to staffers.
Again, unsettling image of one of my sisters living in the White House.
Black Sheep
Page 337-39: Prescott Bush III—"P3"—abandons his wife shortly after their wedding and, according to various accounts, is diagnosed with schizophrenia and moves in with members of the Weather Underground.
Huh? Awesome. I definitely want to know more about this story.
Compassionate Conservatism
Page 247: H.W. campaigns hard to be Nixon's running mate in 1968. Nixon goes with Spiro Agnew, a Greek-American, whom Bush derides as "Zorba, the Veep."
There's no way Bush is that clever. No fucking way.
Page 252: George W. hangs a Confederate flag in his dorm room at Andover.
I did that too. It gave me "personality."
Page 481: Miss USA visits the Oval Office in 1989 and affirms her commitment to world peace. After she leaves, H.W. tells reporters, "Did ya hear that, fellas? It's all about brains now. I liked it better when it was just bikinis."
Hardly an offensive sentiment. Only George H.W. Bush alone could sound like a twit saying that ( and how I hate typing his stupid fucking intials. Asshole.).
Power Plays
Page 454: After a testy interview with Dan Rather in 1988, H.W. remarks, "That guy makes Lesley Stahl look like a pussy."
Page 598: George W. to McCain during the nasty 2000 South Carolina primary: "John, we've got to start running a better campaign." McCain: "Don't give me that shit. And take your hands off me."
Oh, shit. That would have been an awesome fight.
Secrets of the Bushies
Page 95: George H.W. weeps during Skull and Bones initiation when describing his World War II heroics.
Page 213; 347: H.W. as Oliver Stone—hours after the Kennedy assassination, Bush phones the FBI and tells them about a 24-year-old Bircher who he says plotted to kill the president. The man is later cleared. As CIA director, for reasons no one quite understands, Bush demands to see many of the agency's assassination files.
Page 618: A friend says that during their famous Crawford summit, Bush treated Russia's Vladimir Putin as if he were an unreformed Communist apparatchik: "I told Putin that in this country we own our own homes and because we own them we take great pride in them. … I don't think the son of a bitch knew what the hell I was talking about."
To be fair, Bush told me the same thing when I knew him. Like I didn't what property ownership is. What a dipshit.
Friday, September 10, 2004
The college I regrettfully claim as my alma matter gets a pat on the back today from the Seattle Times, for its minority recruitment efforts.
Cougars of color
Washington State University long ago overcame a relatively remote location to succeed as a respected academic and research institution.
But diversity has come to WSU at a slower rate. Distance can be a deterrent to attracting a diverse student body, and in response, WSU created the Future Cougars of Color program, an aggressive recruitment and retention plan already bearing fruit. Last spring, WSU invited 66 students of color with average GPAs of 3.57 to spend the weekend in Pullman, learning about the university's 10 academic colleges and getting a feel for the place. Two-thirds of those students now have committed to WSU, making it the most successful diversity recruitment effort in the school's history.
The rate of college-bound students of color is on the rise. Credit WSU and its corporate partners, including Bon-Macy's, for creating a purposeful union that will keep many of our best and brightest here in the state.
The students won't be let down by WSU, where a beautiful campus, top-notch professors and myriad support programs await them.
Those recruits make up a whopping 1% of what should be a freshman class of 4,000, as well as a statistically insignificant increase to the current minority popul;ation, which runs at somewhere around 25%. Way to co, Cougs! Great job!
Cougars of color
Washington State University long ago overcame a relatively remote location to succeed as a respected academic and research institution.
But diversity has come to WSU at a slower rate. Distance can be a deterrent to attracting a diverse student body, and in response, WSU created the Future Cougars of Color program, an aggressive recruitment and retention plan already bearing fruit. Last spring, WSU invited 66 students of color with average GPAs of 3.57 to spend the weekend in Pullman, learning about the university's 10 academic colleges and getting a feel for the place. Two-thirds of those students now have committed to WSU, making it the most successful diversity recruitment effort in the school's history.
The rate of college-bound students of color is on the rise. Credit WSU and its corporate partners, including Bon-Macy's, for creating a purposeful union that will keep many of our best and brightest here in the state.
The students won't be let down by WSU, where a beautiful campus, top-notch professors and myriad support programs await them.
Those recruits make up a whopping 1% of what should be a freshman class of 4,000, as well as a statistically insignificant increase to the current minority popul;ation, which runs at somewhere around 25%. Way to co, Cougs! Great job!
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
The Onion AV Club finally gets around to reviewing one of my favorite "films that time forgot": The Experts! Soviets recruit John Travolta to teach them how to be "cool." This was an even stupider concept in 1989 than it is today, believe it or not.
Friday, September 03, 2004
Monday, August 30, 2004
Sunday, August 29, 2004
EVERYBODY DO THE LYNNDIE!
I'm disappointed I didn't have this idea first: all over the world, people are doing cover versions of Lynndie England's iconic torture pose.
So what does doing a Lynndie involve? Here are the basic instructions:
1. Find a victim who deserves to be "Lynndied".
2. Make sure you have a friend nearby with a camera ready to capture the "Lynndie".
3. Stick a cigarette (or pen) in your mouth and allow it to hang slightly below the horizontal.
4. Face the camera, tilt your upper body slightly forward but lean back on your right leg.
5. Make a hitchhiking gesture with your right hand and extend your right arm so that it's in roughly the same position as if you were holding a rifle.
6. Keeping your left arm slightly bent, point in the direction of the victim and smile.
I notice, despite the inspiration, that most of the people doing the Lynndie are men. Hmmm...
I'm disappointed I didn't have this idea first: all over the world, people are doing cover versions of Lynndie England's iconic torture pose.
So what does doing a Lynndie involve? Here are the basic instructions:
1. Find a victim who deserves to be "Lynndied".
2. Make sure you have a friend nearby with a camera ready to capture the "Lynndie".
3. Stick a cigarette (or pen) in your mouth and allow it to hang slightly below the horizontal.
4. Face the camera, tilt your upper body slightly forward but lean back on your right leg.
5. Make a hitchhiking gesture with your right hand and extend your right arm so that it's in roughly the same position as if you were holding a rifle.
6. Keeping your left arm slightly bent, point in the direction of the victim and smile.
I notice, despite the inspiration, that most of the people doing the Lynndie are men. Hmmm...
Saturday, August 28, 2004
Twin Towers Terror Toy Recalled
(AP) Small toys showing an airplane flying into the World Trade Center were packed inside more than 14,000 bags of candy and sent to small groceries around the United States before being recalled.
Lisy Corp., the wholesaler that distributed the candy, said Friday that the toys were purchased in bulk from a Miami-based import company.
The toys came in an assortment purchased sight unseen from L&M Import in Miami and included the toys depicting the Sept. 11, 2001, attack on the twin towers, whistles and other small toys, said Luis Pedron, Lisy's national sales manager. The invoice said the toy was a plastic swing set.
"I hate to blame the importer. He probably did not know what he was getting. He brings them in 40-foot containers. But whoever made it knew exactly what they were making," Pedron said.
Pedron said Lisy did not notice the small plastic figurines until two people complained, but there is no mistaking what the toys represent: At the bottom of each is the product number 9011.
"When we found out what happened, we recalled them immediately," said Pedron, who said the toys do not reflect the company's view. "I was offended by them."
The company's 100 distributors sent out the candy bags. Most are sold to small Hispanic groceries, Pedron said. He estimated about 90 percent of the bags have been collected.
Anna Rodriguez, who bought a bag of the candy for her grandson, said she was stunned when she saw the toy.
"It makes me angry," she told television station WFTV. "I was offended because I couldn't believe that someone would give something like that to a kid."
Pedron said he is saving the toys to return to the distributor.
A woman who answered the telephone at L&M and refused to give her name said Friday she did not know anything about the toy.
(AP) Small toys showing an airplane flying into the World Trade Center were packed inside more than 14,000 bags of candy and sent to small groceries around the United States before being recalled.
Lisy Corp., the wholesaler that distributed the candy, said Friday that the toys were purchased in bulk from a Miami-based import company.
The toys came in an assortment purchased sight unseen from L&M Import in Miami and included the toys depicting the Sept. 11, 2001, attack on the twin towers, whistles and other small toys, said Luis Pedron, Lisy's national sales manager. The invoice said the toy was a plastic swing set.
"I hate to blame the importer. He probably did not know what he was getting. He brings them in 40-foot containers. But whoever made it knew exactly what they were making," Pedron said.
Pedron said Lisy did not notice the small plastic figurines until two people complained, but there is no mistaking what the toys represent: At the bottom of each is the product number 9011.
"When we found out what happened, we recalled them immediately," said Pedron, who said the toys do not reflect the company's view. "I was offended by them."
The company's 100 distributors sent out the candy bags. Most are sold to small Hispanic groceries, Pedron said. He estimated about 90 percent of the bags have been collected.
Anna Rodriguez, who bought a bag of the candy for her grandson, said she was stunned when she saw the toy.
"It makes me angry," she told television station WFTV. "I was offended because I couldn't believe that someone would give something like that to a kid."
Pedron said he is saving the toys to return to the distributor.
A woman who answered the telephone at L&M and refused to give her name said Friday she did not know anything about the toy.
Friday, August 27, 2004
Monday, August 23, 2004
Like a cop movie, but only better: a Hong Kong kidnapper gets capped by Jet Li, or someone like him. Awesome.
歹徒提出释放人质的条件。
点击此处查看全部新闻图片
警察开枪击伤绑匪瞬间。
歹徒被击落摔下。
孩子被成功解救。
石家庄一男子劫持儿童
警方开枪将其击伤(组图)
歹徒提出释放人质的条件。
点击此处查看全部新闻图片
警察开枪击伤绑匪瞬间。
歹徒被击落摔下。
孩子被成功解救。
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Sunday, August 22, 2004
Last reprinted in 2002, here we go again, a greatest hit, a blast from the past. Just in case you were wondering why Bush missed his National Guard physical in 1974. I have an amusing story about Kerry from back in the day, which I'll recount as soon as I can verify my addled recollections against contemporary notes (Just a suggestion for Senator Kerry -- if you're going to visit Studio 54 with Margaret Trudeau and Andy Warhol, it's a probably a good idea not to let a gossipy writer tag along, no matter how adept he is at making duplicitous reassurances of confidentiality. Ah, the Seventies...).
Jesus Christ...
... that's what George W. Bush said when I offered her to him. Man, I'm running for president, he said. What am I doing here, he said.
I motioned with the revolver. Go ahead and have a piece, I said. It don't cost nothing.
Animal House, George said.
We both laughed.
You got any more of that great toot? Dubya said.
Yeah I said. Go ahead.
Off me, bitch, George said, roughly turning the cock-hungry Dominican off his crown jewels. I'm gonna get me some nose candy. He leaned across me to get to my cocaine. He leaned almost close enough to kiss him, so I did. It was a sweet moment, although one destined to never be repeated.
Republican Presidential Nominee George W. Bush narrowed his eyes at Heather. Now bitch, he said. It's your turn...
Thursday, August 19, 2004
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