ALLEGED VICTIM WATCH

This time Slate comes through, in this wrap-up of the R.Kelly "peeing on a pre-teen" trial:

The defense, I'm guessing, will also send Lisa Van Allen a thank-you note. Van Allen, who testified that she had multiple threesomes with Kelly and the alleged victim, was supposed to be the state's star witness. Whatever the prosecution gained by calling a woman who says she saw Kelly and his goddaughter have sex, they lost a whole lot more as the defense chipped away at Van Allen's credibility. Rather than keeping the jury focused on the tape, state's attorneys Shauna Boliker and Robert Heilingoetter found themselves having to explain away their witness' ample character flaws: relationships with two men convicted of federal bank fraud, her admission that she stole Kelly's Rolex, an alleged attempt to solicit a bribe from the defense's private investigator. The legal lesson here: If your star witness is the kind of character who would have a threesome with R. Kelly, you probably need to find yourself a better star witness.

"HULK" IS INCREDIBLE SMASH!

I review The Incredible Hulk. Spoilers follow:

I was prepared for the worst when the movie began with the upteenth encore of Marvel's standard twisting chemical reaction opening credits. Not only was the Stark scene shit, it's placement in the movie was lousy -- what a deflating way to end the film. And I think I'm just going to have to accept that CGI will never produce a convincing giant green man. I kept thinking about how much better it could have looked with competently executed in-camera effects, like Peter Jackson sometimes acheived in Lord of the Rings.

But I ended up liking it all the same. I thought the cinematography was surprisingly interesting and beautiful -- almost painterly in some shots. I certainly wasn't expecting THAT from a Marvel movie. And most importantly, I thought the chase scenes were enjoyably tense, and they were the bulk of the film, so I give it a passing grade. Not gonna see it again, though.

THE BOYWATCH CONTINUES

I guess the Fox News "Baby Daddy" controversy qualifies for the Obama Boy Watch.

I wasn't going to bother blogging about it, but I found this quote amusing:

Here’s a quick test on whether Obama should be considered fully black: Poof! Barack Obama has been magically transported to a KKK meeting in deepest, whitest Klanistan without his Secret Service detail. There’s a rope and a tree nearby. What happens to Obama? If you say, “why, Barack Obama walks out of there alive, of course” then sure, he’s biracial. Also, you’re a fucking idiot.

I'm getting fucked over by the IMDB.

This article from Forbes is really old, but contains new ideas.

...the big problem today for large insurance companies is Russian businessmen who buy $5 million to $10 million insurance policies, go to Russia on business and fake their own deaths by a Russian mob hit. Perpetrators of these big-ticket frauds go to the trouble of finding real corpses to use in the scam.

I once bought a book about how to fake one's death, and they never suggested procuring an actual corpse. I think that touch would make the plan flawless.

1) I've been awarded a grant of $2,500 from 4Culture for my short film Love in the year 2000. I've raised more than $5 million in my time, all for other people, so it's a good feeling to have some come my way for a chance. So far, I've raised $10,000 for L2K -- about a third of the way there! Which means...

2) I'm throwing another party! Matt Wilkins, director of Yonder, the other project I'm producing, and I decided to co-opt the Seattle International Film Festival to promote our movies, so we'll be throwing a kegger at Theater Schmeater next Wednesday, June 11th from 6:30 to 9:30. By all means, come join us, and tell your friends. Click here for details.

3) A Little Crab with a Package, the dvd extra I shot with Pat Moriarity and Hans Hollstein for Crustacean Records' 15th Anniversary DVD, is now up on Youtube. See it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7k5Bg4vq8M

4) This coming Thursday (First Thursday, don'cha'know), I'll be making a six minute presentation about Love in the year 2000 at an Artist Trust fundraiser called Pecha Kucha ($10 suggested donation at the door). It'll be at Ouch My Eye Gallery at 1022 First Ave S in Pioneer Square. Doors open at 7, and the presentations begin at 8:00. There'll be 8 other artists presenting as well. I go on at 8:30. Details here.

That's it.

I'm sitting in the doctor's

I'm sitting in the doctor's office looking at a guy who literally has a Wolverine-style haircut. Seriously, what is this world coming to?

LIVEBLOGGING THE HILLARY SPEECH

6:28 Hilary is almost moving as she builds toward what I hope is a concession.

6:30 Jesus, is she going to concede or not? She's like Alfred Hitchcock up there. The suspense is killing me.

6:40 Um, guess not...?

6:41. Christ, I feel naive. I was almost ready to forgive her for everything.

6:43 Now I'm just bored.

6:48 DENVER! DENVER! Oh, goddman it.

6:49 I'm going to bet that Obama can't recite every state HE has won. That's to his credit, by the way.

6:50 NO DECISIONS!!? Come on!

6:51 ... I WANT TO CONCLUDE TONIGHT TOO!

THE BUSH PRESIDENCY IN ONE PAGE

I just saw INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL, and was disappointed.

Lotsa spoilers follow:

The film lost points with me from the start by having the opening be part of the main plot. I preferred the openings of the first three films, which other than introducing new characters, were unconnected to the rest of the plot. It felt like there were two Indiana Jones adventures that way. By jumping right into the main plot right from the beginning, I felt like I'd been shorted.

It bothered me that Indy was knocking out the Russians with single punches, when one considers how much trouble he had when he was twenty years younger. And it was weird seeing a CGI Harrison Ford in fights.

I really felt like Lucas and Speilberg didn't bother filling in the details. In TEMPLE, Indy often survived through unbelievable luck; in SKULL, he just survived.

Taking an amphibious vehicle over three progressively massive waterfalls seems like it would be an ideal Indiana Jones action set piece, and yet Spielberg and Lucas didn't add any texture or suspense. Boat tumbles over, characters survive to go over the next waterfall. Repeat.

It wasn't suspension of disbelief that was at issue -- I wanted to see Indiana Jones and company improbably survive a hundred foot drop onto the rocks below. But I wanted the way they survived to be fun and surprising, and instead, the scene showed them fall hundreds of feet, and then get up and walk away. Lazy.

Compare to the opening of TEMPLE OF DOOM, where Indy and friends (and the audience) were treated to a rollercoaster ride on the way down, with all sorts of improbable terrain, improbably saving their lives. If TEMPLE had used the approach SKULL did, they would have rolled all the way down the mountain, then brushed themselves off and walked away unmarked.

How many movies now have used the improbably structure-shifting Mayan pyramid now? Is that a real thing, or have we reached the point where George Lucas is cribbing ideas from ALIEN VS. PPREDATOR?

And I can't believe Shia Lebouf had an entire action sequence to himself. That was insubordinate. A sidekick should know his place.

I did like some of it -- some great stuff resided side by side with the lame, even within scenes. Speilberg and Lucas can craft some great excitement. It was fun to see Indian Jones in a scifi adventure; it's a natural genre for the character. Was I imagining a reference to ANIMAL HOUSE? I thought the final destruction off the city was nicely understated and elegiac. I want to applaud the Wilhelm Scream in this movie, though. Very inventive. I also liked who the Russians weren't out for world domination -- Cate Blanchett's character was genuinely interested in the skull. And the film conclusively demonstrated that if there's a nuclear war, the only survivors will be cockroaches, Keith Richards, and Indiana Jones.

I wonder how successful it'll be? I saw a 9:30 am matinée, at the Cinerama here in Seattle, which is a destination theatre for a movie like this, and it was less than half-full. I remember seeing THE PHANTOM MENACE there in 1999, and the crowd was like Woodstock. Lucas has really damaged his brand.

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Hold on a minute. Is

Hold on a minute. Is this really Memorial Day weekend? Wow.

This looks like a skull, right? Or am I just seeing thins?

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John McCain would be wise to never make this face again.

CHILLING

This patch of concrete bears the likeness of the Virgin Mary

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One wonders why Chris Matthews would have such a buffoon on his show, but it's pretty amusing to watch a right-ringer rant for five minutes while not actually knowing anything.

Will Elder has passed away. He was one of the first artists of MAD.

It amazes me that a bunch of people who went to high school together -- Harvey Kurtzman, Will Elder, Al Jaffee, John Severin -- were able to come back fifteen years later and create a culturally-transforming magazine like MAD. I'm not even in touch with as many people from my high school, let alone anyone with such talent.

My only contact with Elder came about a decade ago, when I wrote him asking for his thoughts if I were to create a bootleg reprint of his supressed story "Goodman Beaver Goes Playboy." I received a stern letter that advised me that intellectual theft was no way to start a career. God bless Will Elder and all his works.

What kind of world are we living in where Karl Rove admits racism exists? Crazy world. that's where.

This is where I work. God help me.

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