It's a world gone mad.

Wow this elephant is goin crazy.

This must be the legendary Greelake Heron I've been hearing about.

Spanish Lesson Guy - dead?

There are tranny fratguys infesting Greenlake. What does this say about America?

MY THEORY OF THE PALIN RESIGNATION

It's going to come out that Trig never had Down's Syndrome. It was all a ploy for sympathy and pro-life credibility.

As a side note, I can't believe I refer to a six-month old special needs infant named Trig by his first name, like I know him or something. It's ridiculous that the poor kid is on a first name basic with some nutbar like me in the Lower 48.

OVERHEARD AT THE LAKE: What

OVERHEARD AT THE LAKE:
What are you doing for New Years? We don't have any plans.

Sleaze.

On the bright side, after

On the bright side, after three long years I figured out how to keep the sunroof open when my car is turned off. Three years it took me.

Primitive. Interesting.

Now that I've gotten my kicks in, I can reflect more soberly on Michael Jackson. For me, he existed as a musical genius for precisely one album: Thriller. I remember my older sister offering to buy it for me (hey, whatever happened to that offer? No album was forthcoming. I got back at her a few years later by trading her copy for Van Halen's first record). And I was not impressed with Bad.

But along with John Belushi, Michael Jackson formed my first image of the superstar. Certainly, he was one of the first I heard urban legends about. My aforementioned sister was appalled by one rumor I ran past her, that Jackson had cut off his penis to accommodate being fucked by Paul McCartney.

In seventh grade music class I recorded a song called "Werewolf by Night" inspired by "Thriller" and the eponymous Marvel comic.

I remember when Jackos played the 1993 Superbowl, one of my roommates was convinced he made multiple appearance through the use of underground tunnels. Such was the mythology.

I disagree with Andrew Sullivan here that the abuse Jackson suffered wasn't sexual. It's long been my theory that Jackson lost his virginity before the age of ten, and that's what turned him into such a... you know, a freak. I have no doubt in my mind that groupies would be predatory enough to deflower a kindergartner.

By the way, Jackson's death doesn't end things. It's unfair to expect more from a man who has already given us so much, but more is gonna get got. Just like James Brown's passing led to riots and revelations of a transsexual common-law "wife," Michael is undoubtedly going to inspire no shortage of craziness from beyond the grave. Call it an encore.

BAD

I can't believe this day has finally come. Michael Jackson, dead at 50 from a heart attack. I can't believe he was fifty, and I'm shocked it wasn't mass suicide.

Here are my greatest hits in regard to the King of Pop. Spelling errors have been retained to uphold my youthful integrity.

August 30, 2002: I disagree starting [Rocks' Greatest Meltdowns] with Michael Jackson at #1, although if they were going in reverse chronological order it might make sense.

November 20, 2002: And what's the deal with his children being white? I don't care how much you bleach your skin, it ain't gonna change your chromosones, right? If I took a bunch of tanning pills, would my kids be black? The mind boggles.

November 20, 2003 (by Jason Probst): He has everything going for him. It’s not like he’s some street junkie getting a public defender. He’s not poor. And he hasn’t been black for several years. If anything, the sympathy factor in favor could be critical.

November 20, 2003: I know I implied I didn't want to comment on the subject, but I heard a theory about Michael Jackson that bears repeating: when he commits suicide, or dies, or whatever, his face will transform back into the handsome black man he used to be.

November 25, 2003: There just doesn't seem to be anywhere to go beyond Michael Jackson.

November 25, 2003: ...this article about Michael Jackson has "broken the record for Most Prison-Rape References Per Paragraph of anything published under the Microsoft banner."

November 25, 2003: For a moment, I briefly considered announcing a permanent moratorium on Michael Jackson comments. But then I realized, I got nothing else.

December 4, 2003: I'm a little nervous about Michael Jackson popping up in scarifying artwork by mentally disabled artists. I wonder if it's a cultural phenomena, or is the King of Pop meeting these outsider artists? BTW, these painting are titled, "The Bad Thing That Happened Part 1," "The Bad Thing That Happened Part 2" and "The Bad Thing That Happened Part 3."

December 18, 2003: Well, no suprise that the King of Pop has been charged with drugging and molesting children. It is only my appreciation for his fine album Off the Wall and my sypathy for his childhood friendship with a rat that prompts me to give him this free advice: Keep your fucking family away from the media.

March 5, 2005: I don't know if he's a demented, self-mutilating child molestor, or a rare magical being we've managed to persecute, but I do think , when all is said and done, that we all got our share of entertainmnet out of Michael Jackson.

'Nuff said.

I call this: Symbology.

This band is ridiculously tight and professional. The average age has to be 12. Maybe. School of Rock. Go figger.

OVERHEARD 'No Jaegerboarding?'

OVERHEARD
'No Jaegerboarding?'

Children crushed by enourmous ball.

GOOD THINGS Free fries at

GOOD THINGS
Free fries at 5 Guys. Aisle seat. Reading about punk rock. King Elvis and Nights of the Turn Table.

The Obaminee? Really?

The Obaminee? Really?

JESUS My sister just told

JESUS
My sister just told me Barbara Boxer was nominated for the Supreme Court. I nearly had a heart attack.

I'm standing on the beach,

I'm standing on the beach, looking at the stars with a glass of wine in ny hand. It's pleasureable.

Cockpit

It's hard to tell at this size, but this woman is wearing a wedding dress.

Wise words from a bathroom in Dallas.

OVERHEARD AT THE LAKE We're

OVERHEARD AT THE LAKE
We're like real Americans, man, picking up our garbage. This is our park!

Baby ducks!

More wisdom from th e gas station...

House on fire.

Vaselines. Does all my cell phone concert pics look the same?

TONIGHT AT THEATER SCHMEATER...

FINALLY

Someone who writes for National Review comes out against torture. Thank you, Mr. Manzi.

It's a duck, just chillin' by the sidewalk.

"MOVE ON"

Punishing those responsible for war crimes is not "scapegoating". You know what scapegoating is? It's throwing Lynndie England in jail for following orders given by George W. Bush, while leaving him to the luxury of a Texan suburb.

Today's TSA terrorism alert level

Today's TSA terrorism alert level is High. Greaaat.

Torture and Me

Now that what we all suspected and really, already knew, about this country's torture apparatus under George W. Bush has come to light, I'm a little numbed.

A few weeks ago, Rush Limbaugh sneered that supporting torture defined being a Republican. I agree with him, and I'd go further: torture defines being an American.

SC culture Part One of a series

Planes are so amazing.

They're still trying to deport

They're still trying to deport Jan 'Ivan the Terrible' Demjanuk? Seriously they've been trying since I was a boy.

X

NATIONAL REVIEW ON MARRIAGE

National Review has "clarified" their thinking on the gay marriage plague that's so tempting straight white men like me. One sentence in particular jumped out at me:

Both as a social institution and as a public policy, marriage exists to foster connections between heterosexual sex and the rearing of children within stable households.

Doesn't that sound like something General Jack D. Ripper would say?




Andrew Sullivan points out that National Review is at least being consistent. From 1957:

Twenty-year-olds do not generally have the vote, and it is not seriously argued that the difference between 20 and 21-year-olds is the difference between slavery and freedom. The residents of the District of Columbia do not vote: and the population of D.C. increases by geometric proportion. Millions who have the vote do not care to exercise it; millions who have it do not know how to exercise it and do not care to learn. The great majority of the Negroes of the South who do not vote do not care to vote, and would not know for what to vote if they could.

What the heck? I can't go anywhere without Greg Nickels turning up.

I've been here before but I cannot remember the circumstances. Hmmm...

AWESOME

I have hit bottom

I THINK I BRAIN MY BROKE

I just saw Monsters vs. Aliens in 3D at the Imax. I sat in the second row.

WHAT A FUCKING IMBECILE

Republicans can't even be bothered to insert numbers into their budget proposal.

SIDE EFFECTS

Heard on a commercial: "Abilify may lead to heart failure or death."

Uh...

Seriously, I know death is a possible side effect, but it ought to be more a result of complications from side effects, rather than a side effect in its own right.

I would love to read

I would love to read a comic called 'Dennis the Maakies'.

RIGHT WING JACKASS

In a post entitled Not So Stimulating, David Freddoso at National Review Online makes what I'm sure was an easy crack about the stimulus package not creating jobs.

If the stimulus package fails to create any jobs, at least it will guarantee that there's a place for all of Pawtucket's unemployed teenagers to go during the summer.

In this city burdened with one of Rhode Island’s highest home foreclosure rates and a $10-million current-year budget deficit, $550,000 in federal stimulus money is coming to build a skateboarding park and renovate tennis and basketball courts at Jenks Junior High School.

Yep, those facilities are just going to construct themselves.

I don't know where I am.

I just used cruise control

I just used cruise control for the first time in years. I'm listening to the 70 minute 'Dopesmoker' the only song on Sleep's album 'Dopesmoker.'

RANDOM THOUGHT

Are we all crazy to use microwave ovens?

OSCAR NIGHT LIVEBLOG

5:46 Where to begin? Jackman, I already pity. Looking at Tilda Swinton, I though that she was going to represent her 84 Best Supporting Actress forebears in the form of some kind of interpretive dance. She looked like she was wearing a sack. Are they really describing the performances?

5:48 If this was some kind of Modern Theatre Intrepreation, Winton would be playing Madness.

5:49 Penelope Cruz. Shit, too late to make a bet.

6:07 What is this crazy music for the animation oscar clip?

7:27 Yawn.

What happened here?

A Lynchian scene at the Blue Star Diner.

DEPRESSING THROUGHT

"Probabilities indicate that [Steve Austria (R-OH) is not the stupidest conservative in congress."
-- Matt Yglesias

JUST IMAGINE... Richard Nixon on

JUST IMAGINE...
Richard Nixon on cocaine...

Today's elephant - look closely in the center.

NO MATCH FOR ISRAEL

But there are a couple attractive Iraqi police-ladies.

Holy crap, Australia is about fifteen pounds of ridiculous.

Why do we have to ruin a perfectly good inauguration with a poem?

GOODBYE PRESIDENT ASSHOLE

It sounds like maybe one person is clapping for Bush. Ha.

BUSH BY THE NUMBERS

Some are brilliant:

Minimum number of close-up photographs of Bush’s hands owned by his current chief of staff, Josh Bolten: 4

Number of vehicles in the motorcade that transports Bush to his regular bike ride in Maryland: 6

Some engrossing:

Estimated total calories members of Congress burned giving Bush’s 2002 State of the Union standing ovations: 22,000

Days since the federal government first placed the nation under an “elevated terror alert” that the level has been relaxed: 0

Some sickening:

Factor by which an Iraqi in 2006 was more likely to die than in the last year of the Saddam regime: 3.6

Factor by which the cause of death was more likely to be violence: 120

And of course:

Average percentage of Americans who approved of the job Bush was doing during his second term: 37

Percentage of Russians today who approve of the direction their country took under Stalin: 37

DONN ROGER MILLER

OCTOBER 21, 1936-DECEMBER 30, 2008

Donn was born October 21, 1936 in Wichita, Kansas, to Fern and Wilkie Miller. He was the fifth of the couple’s six children. He wed Lorene Sausser on December 23, 1962 and the couple had one daughter, Karen Elizabeth. He studied business at Wichita State University and Emporia State University, but dedicated his life-long career to his passion for music.

As a jazz musician, he formed the Donn Miller Trio, which played in Topeka and Kansas City in the 1960’s and in Denver in the 1970’s. He also played solo piano, and lent his talents to many jazz groups and combos throughout his life. At the same time, Donn developed his skills in piano tuning and repair, reaching the level of Registered Piano Technician (RPT) and Certified Tuning Examiner (CTE) within the Piano Technicians Guild. After working for Jenkins Music Company in Kansas City, he moved to Denver in 1967 and opened his own shop, The Piano Spotlight. In 1980, Donn became the tuner for the music college at the University of Colorado at Boulder, and later held a similar position for Denver Public Schools. In his 20-year service to DPS, he mentored other tuners and continued to tune for private clients.

Donn retired in 2004 and moved to Kansas City to be closer to his daughter and her family, where he was a loving “Daddad” to his granddaughter, Lili Caroline. He was preceded in death by his parents; brothers Wilkie and Bill; and Sisters Irma and Marilyn. Survivors include his wife, of Leawood; daughter Karen Plummer and her husband Jonathan Plummer of Kansas City; granddaughter, Lili, 5; Brother James David of Aiken, S.C.; and many cousins, nieces, nephews and in-laws.

In accordance with his wishes, Donn will be cremated. The family requests memorial donations be made to the Piano Technicians Guild Foundation, the Country Club Congregational United Church of Christ, or a charity of your choice.

The above clip is Donn playing a song he composed to celebrate the birth of my cousin Karen.

Something clearly happened here while I was away.

This has the looks of an absolutely fucking brutal accident scene.

There's a shoe lying up the sidewalk.

Really, what a fucking stupid place to put an enourmous fucking ashtray.

HOLY SHIT, J.D. SALINGER IS STILL ALIVE

Happy birthday, Mr. Salinger.