Wednesday, November 09, 2005

As a social acquaintance of the far right, I was delighted to find this online petition, which is a Christian-based anti-torture initiative. Interestingly, it said one of the people I was sending it to rejected my title of "Reverend." It was going to two people, House Speaker Denny Hastert and my local Representative, Jim McDermott. I have trouble imagining Haster rejecting messages from the clergy. I'm not too concerned about anti-Christian bias, but it is interesting to get proof of it.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Just saw Wild Blue Yonder, Werner Herzog's new film. Fascinating. It's largely assembled from footage shot in the space shuttle and by a friend during an Antarctic scuba vacation. There's a wacky narrative by Brad Dourif as an alien from the Andromeda Galaxy, the theme of which is that "aliens suck" (an exact quote).

Herzog tells a science fiction tale that suggests the sort of fantasy a child might misinterpret from such evocative footage. Mathematicians discuss their calculations and theories of space travel, shot like mystery men and ironic monsters. The film suggests that the wonders of our world are the wonders of the universe, that Earth is the last alien planet, that we exist here because there is nowhere else in the universe that is remotely hospitable to our species.

After the screening Herzog and Dourif took questions. Nobody asked Herzog about holding a gun on Klaus Kinski or asked Brad Dourif what it was like to work with Christopher Lee. Herzog was disappointingly atheistic on the subject of far space travel. Impossible, he said. Ridiculous. He gloated over the memory of shaking an astronaut with this insight. I thought it was sad, this man I admire, smugly accepting his own dogma. Some dumb woman in the audience played off this, asking a question dripping in contempt for these foolish scientists and their silly fantasies of space travel. Honestly, when it comes to the possibilities of the universe, the wonder of the physical world, I'm going to take my cue from the scientist, not an indie filmmaker. The mathematicians are probably the better judge on their theories, not Werner fucking Herzog.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Looks like someone is on top of the Panther Cheerleader story. Thank god. Our Republic breathes a sigh of relief, and I have a little less work to do.

Man, I hate days like this. Today I stumble across what would be a perfect story for Use Once & Destroy: Two Panthers cheerleaders face charges

Two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders who allegedly were having sex with each other in a bathroom stall at a Tampa, Fla., nightclub were arrested and charged early Sunday following a run-in with patrons and police.

According to a police report obtained by the CBS TV affiliate in Tampa and the Charlotte Observer, Angela Ellen Keathley and Renee Thomas were arrested following an incident at Banana Joe's, in Tampa's Channelside district, at 2:10 a.m. ET.

In the police report, witnesses claimed Thomas and Keathley were having sex with each other in a stall when other patrons grew angry that the two were taking so long in the bathroom.

Another woman waiting to use the bathroom got into an argument with the two, and Thomas hit that person in the face, according to details of the report posted on, the CBS TV affiliate's Web site.

Keathley, who was escorted from the nightclub, was so drunk she could barely stand, the report said. Police described Keathley as rude and belligerent with police.

When Thomas was arrested, she gave police the name of another Panthers cheerleader -- Kristen Lanier Owen, the Observer and reported. Thomas, who was charged with one count of battery, might face additional charges for lying to police, once they confirm her identity.

Keathley was charged with disorderly conduct and obstructing or opposing an officer.

Other Panthers cheerleaders bailed Thomas and Keathley out of Hillsborough County jail later Sunday morning, reported.

The cheerleaders made the trip to Tampa on their own -- the squad performs on the sideline only at home games. Panthers officials at Sunday afternoon's game said they were aware of the report, but declined further comment when contacted by the Observer.

According to the Panthers' official team Web site on, Keathley is a registered nurse and second-year member of the TopCats. Thomas is listed as a student at the University of North Carolina-Charlotte and first-year member of the cheerleading squad.

Presumeably because of this story, the Panther Cheerleaders home page is down. How am I supposed to do justice to this event without photos of the participants? Huh? This kind of crap is what's destroying the First Amendment in this country. Sometimes I don't know why I bother.
A life-affirming post from John Derbyshire at National Review Online: Any time you catch yourself thinking that your life might be empty and pointless, just meditate for a minute or two on the concept "Paris Hilton fan." That should set you straight.

Amen, Derb. Amen.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

In the Forums of Television Without Pity, they are discussing the latest episode of The Apprentice: Martha Stewart. While discussing a so-called "sugar bun" which played a contraversial role in the episode (specifically, just waht exactly is a sugar bun), a chill wind of despair blows through on the comments of one "gilaymar": "Those sugar buns are probably just someone's thoughtless creation, likely just sugar and flour, they sound and look pretty dry, meaningless without a cup of coffee."

Friday, November 04, 2005


Christmas is coming, and Vincent Gallo has the perfect gift for those starfucking spinsters on your list...

Vincent Gallo's Sperm

$1 Million

Price includes all costs related to one attempt at an in-vitro fertilization. (A $50,000 value) If the first attempt at in vitro fertilization is unsuccessful, purchaser of sperm must pay all medical costs related to additional attempts. Mr. Gallo will supply sperm for as many attempts as it takes to complete a successful fertilization and successful delivery. Sperm is 100% guaranteed to be donated by Mr. Gallo who is drug, alcohol and disease free. If the purchaser of the sperm chooses the option of natural insemination, there is an additional charge of $500,000. However, if after being presented detailed photographs of the purchaser, Mr. Gallo may be willing to waive the natural insemination fee and charge only for the sperm itself. Those of you who have found this merchandise page are very well aware of Mr. Gallo's multiple talents, but to add further insight into the value of Mr. Gallo's sperm, aside from being multi talented in all creative fields, he was also multi talented as an athlete, winning several awards for performing in the games of baseball, football and hockey and making it to the professional level of grand prix motorcycle racing. Mr. Gallo is 5'11" and has blue eyes. There are no known genetic deformities in his ancestry (no cripples) and no history of congenital diseases. If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the potential size of the genitals if it's a boy. (8 inches if he's like his father.) I don't know exactly how a well hung father can enhance the physical makeup of a female baby, but it can't hurt. Mr. Gallo also presently maintains a distinctively full head of hair and at the age of 43 has surprisingly few gray hairs. Though his features are sharp and extreme, they would probably blend well with a softer, more subtly featured female. Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions. Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration. In fact, for the next 30 days, he is offering a $50,000 discount to any potential female purchaser who can prove she has naturally blonde hair and blue eyes. Anyone who can prove a direct family link to any of the German soldiers of the mid-century will also receive this discount. Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar. To be clear, the purchase of Mr. Gallo's sperm does not include the use of the name Gallo. The purchaser must find another surname for the child.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Today the Washington Post has a story about terror suspects being held in secret prisons. I just want to say, I posted about this four months ago. Does that mean I scooped the Post? I'm reasonably sure this wasn't precience on my part. Hasn't this system of "secret" prisons been common knowledge for quite some time?

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Here is Jim Massey's brilliant take on the concept of "REQUIUM FOR A DREAM acted by muppets."