Yeah, a week after release, here's my review of the Matrix: Reloaded. Or is it two week? Whatever.

I was never as taken with the original film as one would expect of an overweight comic book geek. So sue me. But, for whatever reason, I was really looking forward to the sequel. So, I saw it in the morning the day after it opened.

The first hour was so stupid, my eyes were watering from laughing. If people had any sense, this movie would be a legend for the way the fillmmakers have totally bought into their own manufactured publicity. It's a colossal embarassment, along the lines of the last couple Star Wars movies. I enjoyed it immensely.

The low/hiugh point was the so-called "Burly Brawl," in which Keanu Reeves fights hundreds of Hugo Weavings. Based on the pre-release publicity, the producers clearly thought they had acheived an apex of ass-kicking fight filmmaking. What they got was a cartoon. If I thought it was meant to be Tom and Jerry beating each other up, it would have been very entertaining. But it was something better: a colossal misfire. A pointless exhibition of digital effects, constructed without any sense or logic. Don't they realize that having multiple images of the same actor will never be anything but silly? Apparently not. God bless 'em.

Basically, once the talky first hour was over and the movie shifted into a plotless, hour-long fight, I was happy. Explosions good. Talk bad.

A few questions: Why was Commander Link filling out paperwork? How can a massive car chase and gunfight on a freeway involving men in black suits, super-humans in vinyl, and freaking ghosts not attract attention? Why was Monica Bellucci only in the movie for ten minutes? Why, of God, why?

I've been following internet discussion of the movie, and everything seems to think there's a lot more going on than there actually was. Guys, not only is there no spoon, there is no plot, no acting and no internal logic. I've read the same books as the Warshowski Brothers, and I know where this is all going. It's not worth bending your head into a pretzel trying to figure it all out.

I ended up watching the "Animatrix" cartoons after seeing the film, and thought they were head and shoulders better than the movies. It's a good thing I didn't see them before seeing Reloaded; I would have been really disappointed. Those movies are all really cool. Except for the last one, which features that annoying kid who kisses Neo's ass right when he lands in Zion. That short disturbingly offeres suicide as a solution to teen angst. Which I guess is a daring stance, but still made me uncomfortable.

In conclusion, I think the Matrix films need to focus on the French characters.

The end.