Today's monkey news. My favorite parts are bolded.

Monkey believed to be world's oldest dies at 53 in Japan
Mon Mar 28, 2:24 PM ET Science - AFP

TOKYO (AFP) - A black spider monkey believed to be the world's oldest monkey other than apes has died at age 53 in Japan, with her friendliness and a late-life love affair with a younger monkey seen as clues to her longevity.

With her affable personality, Buenos was one of the most popular monkeys at Japan Monkey Centre in Aichi, 250 kilometers (155 miles) west of Tokyo. She died of coronary trouble on Saturday.

"Just as we were preparing to apply for the Guinness Book, she passed away peacefully. She was so fond of people. While lying on a bed, she always wanted to hold our hands," said the centre's manager Akira Kato.

On the secrets of her longevity, Kato said: "Her calm and kind personality greatly helped. It made her life stress-free. Also she started living with a young male monkey 10 years ago, which might have excited her."

Black spider monkeys have an average life span of 30-33 years. If Buenos were a human, she could be some 140 to 150 years old, Kato said.

Black spider monkeys have long arms and short legs, which improve their balance while walking. They weigh about seven to nine kilograms (15 to 20 pounds) with a height of 60 to 70 centimeters (24 to 28 inches).

Buenos had a long tail stretching more than 90 centimeters (36 inches) which she used for shaking visitors' hands, Kato said, adding she mostly ate fruit and vegetables.

Larger primates can live much longer than medium-sized monkeys such as Buenos.

According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the oldest non-human primate is Cheeta the chimpanzee, the star of 1930s and 1940s "Tarzan" films of which he is the only surviving cast member.

Cheeta turns 74 this year in retirement in California. He was brought to the United States from Liberia when he was a few months old.

Stolen from Wonkette, this week's most fabulous police story. It isn't quite "COPS meets cock" like Wonkette promises, but it's still pretty good. Some great lines. There's a great scene where Brett Parsons, the star of the show, is giving some police training about how to investigate gay crimes, and he asks the cops in the class what signs they would look for in an apartment to suggest a pair of male suspects might be in a relationship. The police answer: pictures of the men on vacation together, pictures of naked men decorating the apartment, and Village People albums. This in a city where arrests are made in one out of three murders.

My 300 pound Native American attorney made an interesting observation regarding the Terri Schiavo case: a woman whose current vegatative condition was brought on by an eating disorder is unlikely to have wanted to be fed.

Tonight on CBS there is a movie called Spring Break Shark Attack. I'm not going to watch, but I'm glad it's on.

I'm writing my summary of the Michael Jackson trial a little early, in case I lose interest or something before the end. I don't know if he's a demented, self-mutilating child molestor, or a rare magical being we've managed to persecute, but I do think , when all is said and done, that we all got our share of entertainmnet out of Michael Jackson.

What in the Hell is going on here?