I AM FUCKING INSANE

Or am I?

As we close into the end of my birthday, albeit with a few hours to go until we reach the International Date Line, I thought it would be helpful to jot down a prospectus for my mental state for the upcoming year.

Having enjoyed the ups and downs that seem to fgo hand in hand with bipolar disorder (for some reason), I've decided to make the upcoming year of my life one big 365-day "up." For as much as I can control it, at least.

Coming into this year of my life, I'm filled with a sense of purpose.

In an article about Werner Herzog, Roger Ebert referred to Herzog as "messianic." I like that. That's what I want to go for. I want to communicate big ideas -- A Big Idea, even. I'll speak to inspire, or at least to communicate that I am Inspired. The film I'm working on will be a testament, of sorts. A way to empassion the viewers, as well as the actors and crew who work on the film. (I might want to keep that under my hat while I'm making it, otherwise they'll think I'm nuts. It might be enevitable.)

I just need to find it. So that's the purpose. To find purpose and to share with others, in every communication I make. To share my great vision with the world, whatever that vision is. And to do it all the time.

Am I crazy? Crazy to think like this? Posting this here is about as far as I'm willing to go, crazy-wise. Am I losing heart? I don't think so. I was thinking about emailing some close friends, but what's point in that? Better to deomonstrate through my actions. Email everyoen on my list? TOO crazy, I should think.

So now it's to work. What kind of clothes do messianic types wear? White robes? That'd go nice with a dazed expression. Purple? I'd look liek a pimp. A short, fat, Jewish pimp. Google reveals tha messianic color is red. Without realizing it, I just bought TWO red shirts. I'm on my way...