HOW TO DESTROY THE EARTH

Man, I love days like this. Not only did I stumble across a link with the above title, but the web page actually delivers. I'm probably the last person to see it, but that's fine.

The talented creator of the page has a FAQ -- why would someone want to destroy the Earth, anyway, right? I mean, I understand, but that's me. It was nice to read all the reasons so clearly laid out -- it was like someone understood me, finally. My favorite reasons are below. They're my favorite because they're funny, not necessarily because the reasons are my own. Reason #7 might be mine, but I can't confirm that due to a complicated legal rationale.

1. Because it is there -- A response first given by - correct me if I'm wrong - Edmund Hillary after being relentlessly questioned as to why he desired to become the first man to climb to the highest point on Earth, the peak of Mount Everest. It did for him and it can do for you. Who needs a reason? The doing of the thing is its own reward.
2. To further science -- You'll be employing the scientific principles of [whatever method you use] on a greater scale than ever before. You'll have recording devices observing the event from all angles and on all wavelengths. The telemetry taken from the destruction of the Earth will reveal more about the universe, and science, and the Earth itself than anybody can possibly imagine! Isn't that worth it?
3. Special effects no longer satisfy me -- One can't argue with the fact that the total annihilation of an object of the Earth's size is going to be pretty spectacular however it happens. If you are the kind of person who likes explosions and implosions and other destructive events, then this is going to be the biggest you're likely to experience in a lifetime.
7. To make a point -- Anything along the lines of "They laughed at me at the Academy, I'll show them, I'll show them all!!" would fall under this category, though it could also be pegged as a psychological reason, below.

Regretably, the author would prefer if people like me who were inclined to copy his page and past it onto their own would not do so, and I will respect his wishes. Read the preamble below, and then click to learn how to do some Earth-destroyin' of your own.

Preamble

Destroying the Earth is harder than you may have been led to believe.

You've seen the action movies where the bad guy threatens to destroy the Earth. You've heard people on the news claiming that the next nuclear war or cutting down rainforests or persisting in releasing hideous quantities of pollution into the atmosphere threatens to end the world.

Fools.

The Earth was built to last. It is a 4,550,000,000-year-old, 5,973,600,000,000,000,000,000-tonne ball of iron. It has taken more devastating asteroid hits in its lifetime than you've had hot dinners, and lo, it still orbits merrily. So my first piece of advice to you, dear would-be Earth-destroyer, is: do NOT think this will be easy.

This is not a guide for wusses whose aim is merely to wipe out humanity. I (Sam Hughes) can in no way guarantee the complete extinction of the human race via any of these methods, real or imaginary. Humanity is wily and resourceful, and many of the methods outlined below will take many years to even become available, let alone implement, by which time mankind may well have spread to other planets; indeed, other star systems. If total human genocide is your ultimate goal, you are reading the wrong document. There are far more efficient ways of doing this, many which are available and feasible RIGHT NOW. Nor is this a guide for those wanting to annihilate everything from single-celled life upwards, render Earth uninhabitable or simply conquer it. These are trivial goals in comparison.

This is a guide for those who do not want the Earth to be there anymore.