Thursday, June 25, 2009


I can't believe this day has finally come. Michael Jackson, dead at 50 from a heart attack. I can't believe he was fifty, and I'm shocked it wasn't mass suicide.

Here are my greatest hits in regard to the King of Pop. Spelling errors have been retained to uphold my youthful integrity.

August 30, 2002: I disagree starting [Rocks' Greatest Meltdowns] with Michael Jackson at #1, although if they were going in reverse chronological order it might make sense.

November 20, 2002: And what's the deal with his children being white? I don't care how much you bleach your skin, it ain't gonna change your chromosones, right? If I took a bunch of tanning pills, would my kids be black? The mind boggles.

November 20, 2003 (by Jason Probst): He has everything going for him. It’s not like he’s some street junkie getting a public defender. He’s not poor. And he hasn’t been black for several years. If anything, the sympathy factor in favor could be critical.

November 20, 2003: I know I implied I didn't want to comment on the subject, but I heard a theory about Michael Jackson that bears repeating: when he commits suicide, or dies, or whatever, his face will transform back into the handsome black man he used to be.

November 25, 2003: There just doesn't seem to be anywhere to go beyond Michael Jackson.

November 25, 2003: ...this article about Michael Jackson has "broken the record for Most Prison-Rape References Per Paragraph of anything published under the Microsoft banner."

November 25, 2003: For a moment, I briefly considered announcing a permanent moratorium on Michael Jackson comments. But then I realized, I got nothing else.

December 4, 2003: I'm a little nervous about Michael Jackson popping up in scarifying artwork by mentally disabled artists. I wonder if it's a cultural phenomena, or is the King of Pop meeting these outsider artists? BTW, these painting are titled, "The Bad Thing That Happened Part 1," "The Bad Thing That Happened Part 2" and "The Bad Thing That Happened Part 3."

December 18, 2003: Well, no suprise that the King of Pop has been charged with drugging and molesting children. It is only my appreciation for his fine album Off the Wall and my sypathy for his childhood friendship with a rat that prompts me to give him this free advice: Keep your fucking family away from the media.

March 5, 2005: I don't know if he's a demented, self-mutilating child molestor, or a rare magical being we've managed to persecute, but I do think , when all is said and done, that we all got our share of entertainmnet out of Michael Jackson.

'Nuff said.

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