SEX WITH ANIMALS



Since I'm on a Chick Bloodhound roll, I'm uploading the screenplay I dug out last night. The format is a little screwy, but I don't mind. Notice the title. I didn't succeed in pushing that one through.

Most of the dialog is mine. I worked with the plot as it was given, and made the best of the director/auteur's views of women and relationships, which are idisyncratic. But most of the dialog is mine. I've learned quite a lot since writing this, but there are still some gems, like "I'm so pretty, I need a beating!" and this exchange:

RANDY
I’M LIKE THE VETERINARIAN OF LOVE, ACE. DOG, MULE, HORSE, FUCKIN’ PLATYPUS, THE SPECIFICS AREN’T IMPORTANT. THE POINT IS SHE, LIKE YOU AND ME, OPERATES ON SIMPLE INSTINCT. WE ALL WANT TO SURVIVE. THE QUESTION IS WHO UNDERSTANDS THIS FACT: YOU OR HER. AND WHO IS ABLE — AND WILLING — TO ACT ON THE KNOWLEDGE.

RANDY SIPS HIS COFFEE.

CHICK
YOU REALLY THINK IT'S THAT BASIC?

RANDY
WELL, NO, BUT — I’LL BE THE FIRST TO ADMIT IF YOU LOOK AT IT TOO CLOSE, THE WHOLE ANALOGY BREAKS DOWN. I’M TALKING MORE OF A PAVLOVIAN RESPONSE, AND THE ABILITY TO RECOGNIZE ITS IMPORTANCE AND UTILIZE IT. IF WE OPERATE PURELY BY INSTINCT, MEN WOULD ROVE IN PACKS AND PICK OFF THE WEAKEST OF THE HERD. SEXUALLY SPEAKING. MORE LIKE MARLON PERKIN’S FRATERNITY KINGDOM.

I don' think any of that golden dialog made it into the final cut.

I added the now-embarrassing, then-trendy use of the word "nigger" which was inspired by Tarantino -- we all considered ourselves "niggas" back then, and deserved a slapping. When i was discussing the part with the actor, I suggested we take it out, so it isn't in the movie.

I also tried to make some of it more intelligent. Note the reference to Robert Bork's "Slouching Toward Gomorrah," which in the film ended up being to one of Rush Limbaugh's books.

I suppose I should take the time to organize my full memories of Chick Bloodhound, but that will have to wait, but in the meantime, I'll end this Chick Bloodhound Trilogy with this early screenplay, and pray it isn't held me. At the very least, now a google search for chick bloodhound miller will pull up some results with my name in them.