Yes, But Where Are the Saddam Look-Alikes?



by Siddharth Varadarajan

Ever since the fall of Baghdad, everyone's been asking where's Saddam and where are the weapons of mass destruction he allegedly had. Fair enough. But the question that intrigues me the most is this: Where on earth are his famed look-alikes? If Saddam is dead, did they all, to the last man, die with him? And if he's slipped out of the country -- to Syria, Belarus, wherever -- did he manage to take each and every one of his replicas with him? Are there, even as we speak, a dozen Saddams sadly sipping vodka (doubles, no doubt) in some seedy bar in Minsk or Vitebsk?

From the first day, Iraqi television began broadcasting footage of a defiant Saddam untouched by the US `decapitation strike' against him, the American and British media have been telling us not to trust our own eyes. Even though you think you're seeing Saddam, reporters told us breathlessly, you can't be sure because the Iraqi leader is known to use a series of body doubles for his public appearances. This claim was often simply asserted as fact, or at best sourced to "Iraqi exiles" and "Western intelligence agencies".

To tell you the truth, I was always a bit skeptical about this explanation. First of all, in the 38 years I've been around on this planet, I've yet to see any human being with an exact body double, let alone several such human replicas so perfect in every manner as Saddam's were said to be.

And then there was the administrative aspect which bothered me. Was there a special department of the Iraqi government which kept track of the look-alikes, graded them according to quality and reliability, and decided whether Saddam 1, 4 or 8 should be used for such and such appearance? Finally, what would happen if one of the look-alikes - or his handlers - were to assert that the real Saddam was actually an impostor and order his summary execution? Was there a procedure laid down conclusively to identify the real McCoy? DNA tests, blood groups, perhaps a conveniently inflicted scar on the derriere?

On my part, I'm willing to bet that the failure of the US occupiers to locate and capture even one of the alleged Saddam doubles strongly suggests the Iraqi leader never had any. I reckon the story about body doubles is a classic psy-op, a theory probably floated by the Pentagon's erstwhile Office of Strategic Influence in order to demoralize and disorient the enemy. I don't know who or how this bit of information warfare was first foisted on the media but once it was out there, there was no shortage of journalists and editors gullible enough to retail an obviously suspect, nonfalsifiable theory.

But the psy-ops didn't end there. Throughout the war, the Pentagon used the media to spread disinformation about the course of the fighting, inventing civilian uprisings where there were none (Basra), chemical weapons factories where there were none (near Najaf), Iraqi anti-aircraft fire falling back onto earth to kill civilians (rather than US missiles being responsible), and bizarre claims about Iraqi soldiers "pushing women and children on to the street" and firing at "coalition forces" from behind these "human shields." Though the last claim has by now entered war lore, there is not even one credible eyewitness account from an embedded journalist to substantiate this charge, let alone establish that this was a widespread, pervasive Iraqi tactic. What the claim did, however, was to shift the blame for civilian deaths away from the invading army and on to the defenders.

The most impressive psy-op of the war, however, occurred on its last day, when US soldiers toppled a statue of Saddam Hussein in Firdous Square, Baghdad. The square is right opposite the Palestine Hotel where foreign journalists were staying. All US TV stations showed carefully framed, close-up footage of what seemed like a largish crowd toppling the statue with the assistance of a US army vehicle. The footage was shown live for hours, repeatedly broadcast throughout the day, especially by CNN and BBC, and cited by US leaders as proof of the 'legitimacy' of the war.

While most Iraqis were glad to be rid of Saddam, they had been reluctant to perform in large numbers for the invading army. With the blood of 2,000 Iraqi civilians and 10,000 soldiers on their hands, Bush and Rumsfeld needed cathartic footage of the oppressed masses surging forward towards freedom. The Firdous Square statue toppling was conceived for this purpose and executed brilliantly.

Had TV cameras shown a long shot of Firdous Square, the impression the toppling would have created would be very different. There is a long shot posted on the web (http://nyc.indymedia.org/front.php3?article_id=55384&group=webcast) which shows a largely empty square cordoned off by US tanks. Small clusters of Iraqis outside the square can be seen watching the toppling of the statue, as silent spectators rather than active participants.

Now, the question is, who were the few dozen Iraqis trying to bring the statue down? Obviously people the Americans trusted because the footage clearly shows some two dozen boisterous men clambering on top of the US army vehicle and charging at the statue. Remember, this was barely ten days after the suicide attack in central Iraq which claimed the lives of four US soldiers and a few days after nervous, trigger happy marines had mowed down a whole family when their car didn't slow down at a checkpost.

But even if the statue topplers were men the Americans could trust, who were they? Photographs doing the rounds on the Net strongly suggest they were members of Ahmed Chalabi's Iraqi National Congress militia who had been flown into Nasiriya on April 6. One INC man in uniform shown with Chalabi at Nasiriya reappears in civilian clothes in a Reuters photograph from Baghdad on April 9, the day the statue is toppled, celebrating the entry of US soldiers. Readers can view and compare the two photographs at the same website mentioned above.

The only explanation for the coincidence is that like Saddam, the Chalabi supporter also has a body double. Wily aren't they, these Iraqis?

Siddharth Varadarajan is the Deputy Chief of National Bureau of The Times of India.
Email: svaradarajan@indiatimes.com

Copyright 2003 Times Internet Limited

Published on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 by the Times of India

Ouch: More than a few of Shakespeare's plays have never been documented on film in any meaningful way. In spite of rumors, it now looks like Martin Scorsese's biopic of Dean Martin will never happen. Sergio Leone had plans to shoot a mammoth restaging of the siege of Stalingrad, but he died before he could fulfill those plans. Someone did manage to make The Lizzie McGuire Movie, however.

"Antoine Bardou-Jacquet, the commercial's director, kept puffing out his cheeks and whinneying, a note of deranged despair twitching at the corners of his mouth. Asked how long he had been working on the commercial, he gave a high-pitched giggle and replied: 'Five years? Or is it eight?' It felt that long."

Holy shit. This is one of the most amazing commercials I have ever seen. All shot in one take. Well worth the download and the watch.

Lights! Camera! Retake!
(Filed: 13/04/2003)

The Honda Accord campaign launched last week looks certain to become an advertising legend. Quentin Letts goes behind the scenes

Six hundred and six takes it took, and if they had been forced to do a 607th it is probable, if not downright certain, that one of the film crew would have snapped and gone mad.

On the first 605 occasions something small, usually infuriatingly minute, went just slightly awry and the whole delicate arrangement was wrecked. A drop too much oil there, or here maybe one ball-bearing too many giving a fraction too much impetus to the movement. Whirr, creak, crash, the entire, card-house of consequences was a write-off and they had to start again.

Honda's latest television advertisement, a two-minute film called "Cog", is like a fine-lubricated line of dominoes. It begins with a transmission bearing which rolls into a synchro hub which in turn rolls into a gear wheel cog and plummets off a table on to a camshaft and pulley wheel. All the parts are from the new Honda Accord - £16,495 to you, guv'nor, or £6 million if you want to pay for the advertising campaign. And what an amazing ad campaign it is, too.

Back on Cog, things are still moving, in a what-happened-next manner redolent of "there was an old woman who swallowed a fly". With a ting and a ding of metal on metal, a thud of contact and the occasional thwock, plop and extended scraping sound, the viewer watches as individual, stripped-down parts of car roll into one another and set off more reactions.

Three valve stems roll down a sloped bonnet. An exhaust box is pushed with just enough energy into a rear suspension link which nudges a transmission selector arm which releases the brake pedal loaded with a small rubber brake grommit. Catapult! Boing! On goes the beautiful dance, everything intricately balanced and poised. Nothing must be even a sixteenth of an inch off course or the momentum will be lost.

At one point three tyres, amazingly, roll uphill. They do so because inside they have been weighted with bolts and screws which have been positioned with fingertip care so that the slightest kiss of kinetic energy pushes them over, onward and, yes, upward. During the pre-shoot set-ups, film assistants had to tiptoe round the set so as not to disturb the feather-sensitive superstructure of the arranged metalwork. The slightest tremor of an ill-judged hand could have undone hours of work.

Utter silence, a check that the lighting is just right, and "action!". Scores of grown men hold their breath as the cameras roll. An oil can is tipped and glugs just enough of its contents on to a shelf that has been weighted with a Honda flywheel. Some valve springs roll into the oil and are slowed to a pace perfect to make them drop into a cylinder head assembly.

If all these technical names are confusing, that is partly the point. The advertisement was designed to show motorists all the fiddly little bits of engineering that go into the modern Honda. The result, in this film at least, is something approaching mechanical perfection and a bewitching aesthetic. As car adverts go, it certainly beats the "Nicole! Papa!" school of commercial.

If nothing else, Cog is a welcome departure from the generality of car advertisements that feature winding-road landcapes, empty highways and clear blue skies. The absence of people from the commercial at least saved Honda having to make any regional alterations.

It will be able to be shown everywhere from Japan to South America, Finland to the Maldives, without any more alteration than perhaps a change of the closing voiceover, currently delivered by laid-back Garrison Keillor, the American author, who announces: "Isn't it nice when things just work?"

Cog looks certain to become an advertising legend and part of its allure is the seemingly effortless way the relay of parts slide and touch and roll with such apparent ease. The reality of the film's production was slightly different. It was, by most measures of human patience, a nightmare.

Filming was done over four near-sleepless days in a Paris studio, after one month of script approval, two months of concept drawings and a further four months of development and testing. One of the more surprising things about the ad is that it was not a cheat. Although it would have been much easier to fiddle the chain of events by using computer graphics, the seesaw and shunt of events really did happen, and in one, clean take.

The bigshots at Honda's world headquarters in Japan, when shown Cog for the first time, replied that yes, it was very clever, and how impressive trick photography was these days. When told that it was all real, they were astonished.

One of the more striking moments in the film is when a lone windscreen wiper blade helicopters through the air, suspended from a line of metal twine. "That was the first and last time it worked properly," recalls Tony Davidson, of the London-based advertising agency Wieden & Kennedy. "I wanted it to look like ballet."

After that, a few yards and several ingenious connections down the assembly line, another pair of windscreen wiper blades is squirted by an activated washer jet. Because Honda wipers have automatic sensors that can detect water, they start a crablike crawl across the floor. It is as though they have come to life.

As take 300 led to 400 which led to 500, a certain madness settled on the crew. Rob Steiner, the agency producer, started talking about "our friends, the parts", but in the slightly menacing tone of a primary school teacher discussing her charges at the end of a trying day. Some workers on the film went whole days without sleep and had to be asked to stay away from the more delicate parts of the assembly. Others started to have bad dreams about throttle activator shafts and bonnet release cables.

When things were going wrong - a tyre that kept trundling off to the left, or a rocker shaft that kept toppling over like a tipsy cyclist - the production lads on the shoot would start grumbling that "the parts are being very moody today".

Commercial makers are often accustomed to working with human prima donnas but no Hollywood starlet, no footballing prodigy or showbiz celeb, was ever as troublesome and unpredictable as the con rods and pulley wheels and solenoids that Davidson, Steiner and Co had to work with.

Towards the end of the production, Olivier Coulhon, the first assistant director, had spent so many hours in the darkened studio that his skin had turned a luminous green and his eyes had sunk deep into his Gallic cheeks.

Antoine Bardou-Jacquet, the commercial's director, kept puffing out his cheeks and whinneying, a note of deranged despair twitching at the corners of his mouth. Asked how long he had been working on the commercial, he gave a high-pitched giggle and replied: "Five years? Or is it eight?" It felt that long.

Two hand-made pre-production Accords - there were only six in existence in the entire world - were needed for the exercise, one of them being ripped apart and cannibalised to the considerable distress of Honda engineers. By the end of the months-long production, the film had used so many spare parts that two articulated lorries were required to take them away.

The idea for the advert derived partly from the old children's game Mouse Trap, and from the wacky engineering of Caractacus Potts's breakfast-making machine in the Sixties film Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

The corporate suits at Honda liked the idea immediately, despite the high costs of production and the fact that it was more than twice as long, and therefore twice as pricey, as normal car ads.

The two-minute version of the ad ran for the first time last Sunday during the Brazilian Grand Prix, and brought pubgoers across the nation to a wide-eyed speechlessness after the Manchester United v Real Madrid game on Tuesday night.

"It was a painstaking process, a tough experience," says Honda's communications manager Matt Coombe, recalling the making of Cog. Some of the original ideas, such as one stunt involving an airbag, had to be dropped owing to a shortage of new Accord parts or simply because they were too hard to set up. And on some takes the process would go perfectly until agonisingly close to the end.

"It was like watching a brilliant footballer weaving his way the whole way through a defending team's players, and then shooting wide right at the end," says Tony Davidson. The crew resorted to placing bets on which part of the sequence would go wrong. Invariably it was the windscreen wipers.

When the final, 606th take eventually succeeded, there was a stunned silence around the Paris studio. Then, like shipwrecked mariners finally realising that their ordeal was at an end, the team broke into a careworn chorus of increasingly defiant cheers and hurrahs.

Champagne bottles popped. The cylinder liner had brushed its nose affectionately against the rocker shaft and the gear wheel cog for the last time. The interior grab handles and the suspension spring coils had done their bit. A classic was complete. Cog was in the can.

Courtesy of Rob's Amazing Poem Generator:

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Sonic erection.

I've replaced the shout outs on each entry, which nobody was using, and which I couldn't master the code for, with a tag board. Please speak your mind. Unfortunately, it filters profanity. Which sucks. Or should I say, which sucks my dick. Filter that, cretins.

Casting call update. Sixty resumes, 54 actors, 31 women, 23 men, 8 megabytes, three photogaphers, two hookers, one motivational speaker, and a monkey named Sissy.

Okay, I'm joking about the hookers. But everything else is Jesus' truth.

I've posted it everywhere else, might as well do so here:

USE ONCE & DESTROY FILMS is gearing up for a couple shorts to be shot in June and July of this year. The main one is "The Pickup," based on the short cartoon story by Mary Fleener and Pat Moriarty, and produced by Derick Avitt, Hans Eric Hollstein and David Miller.

Black and white, ten minutes long, The Pickup will be sort of a screwball comedy, told in the style of early French New Wave. Requires comic timing and slapstick skills, or at least the willingness to submerge your dignity while learning the slapstick and pratfalls. No pay, but the two leads get to perform a dance number.

We can also use personnel in capacities other than acting (grips, ADs, set photographers, slave labor, etc), so if you're interested, by all means, drop us a line. Please pass this on to anyone else you think may be interested.

Please email headshots and resumes to ThePickup@comcast.net, or mail them to:

The Pickup
4710 Aurora Avenue North #101
Seattle, WA 98103

Once we sort through the resumes, we'll be in touch about auditions, rehearsals, scheduling and the like. Feel free to email with any questions.

-----------------------
The roles available for "The Pickup" are as follows:

LEAD:

Mary - Female 20's to 30's. Beautiful yet desperate, with an inclination to dance.
The Pickup - Male 20's to 40's. Dirty yet charismatic, with an inclination to dance.

SECONDARY:

Susan - Female 20's to 30's. Mary's friend. Serious, yet fun. Or fun, yet serious.
"Man" - male 30's to 40's. Gruff yet kittenish. Sort of hard to explain without giving away the plot. Okay, so he comes home and finds a couple of strangers in his bed, and reacts in a way that is gruff yet kittenish. Like I said, hard to explain.
John - Male. Mary's ex. Voice only.

EXTRAS:

Mary's co-workers - Five or six women of all ages
Club-goers - Tons of extras of all ages and types needed for a club scene. Considerable attention will be paid to the roles and activities in this club. About 2/3rds of these will be featured extras, with a specific task to perform. This won't be just sitting in the background pretending to talk - you'll all have something to do.

I'm a little disappointed I didn't make it all the way to the Ninth Circle, but the Eighth is better (or worse, depending on your perspective) than most. It's probably because I scored so low in the easy sins, and so high on the really bad ones. The lack of heresy in my world-view dragged my score down.

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

The Onion is really good this week.

"The only country artist qualified to express his political views is Johnny Cash, because that man's seen it all. And he once torched a forest while tripping on mescaline."

Taurus: (April. 20—May 20): It turns out only one in every 200 Americans hates your guts. As you'll soon see, though, that's still quite a mob.

"Dude, you should have seen me, I was so fucked up," Schwann said. "I knew I needed help, but you can't keep a party guy like me down, so right after waking up on the porch, I went off on another pub crawl. I wound up curled up on Melissa's front door again. After she got done yelling at me for being an asshole, she drove me to the rehab center. She never did forgive me for taking a shit on her lawn."

And then there's this classic...



WASHINGTON, DC—Attorney General John Ashcroft's quest for a companion to ease the pain of his lonely and tormented existence was dealt a severe blow Monday, when he was rejected by the newly created "Bride Of Ashcroft."

	Above: Ashcroft introduces his would-be Bride to the press.

Unwrapped from bandages at a press conference, the ungodly Bride twitched grotesquely several times before turning to face her would-be mate. Reporters in attendance said the Bride recoiled upon setting her eyes on Ashcroft's horribly misshapen visage, letting out a blood-curdling scream.

"When the lovestruck Attorney General tried to embrace the Bride, she shunned him, just as the entire world has shunned him," CNN reporter William Hurlbut said. "It was truly tragic."

Despondent, Ashcroft roared with despair as all hope of finding a wife deserted his tortured brain.

"Love... death... hate... living..." Ashcroft said.

The heartbroken Attorney General, realizing he could never be loved, then told reporters, "We belong dead." At that point, he pulled a giant lever, setting off a fiery explosion that appeared to incinerate himself and his new Bride, with no trace of either remaining when the smoke finally cleared.

Confirmed dead in the blast was the Bride's maniacal creator, Dr. Pretorius, whose demise reporters called "a punishment that befell a mortal man who dared to emulate God."

Police investigators are working around the clock to determine whether Ashcroft and his unholy Bride are still alive.

"They may have burned up in the fire, but you have to remember that we're dealing with a creature so horrible that only a half-crazed mind could have devised it," D.C. Chief of Police Charles H. Ramsey said. "My fear is that she and Ashcroft survived the flames and will return anew to stalk the land in darkness."

Ashcroft's quest to find fulfillment with a bride of his own kind first came to public attention in November 2002, when the Justice Department released a Yellow Alert announcement reading, "Warning! The Attorney General demands a mate!"

Most scientists were skeptical, explaining that the creation of such a being—a terrible nightmare from beyond the very pits of Hell itself—was scientifically impossible. Yet over the next two months, as Ashcroft found himself with increasing power in a steadily rightward-shifting political landscape, he used his growing clout to secure funding for the creation of a mate to call his own.

"Alone... bad," Ashcroft told reporters on Jan. 23. "Friend... good."

After a long search, on Feb. 9, Ashcroft announced that he had procured the services of Dr. Pretorius using $200 million in funding made available through the Homeland Security Act. For the next 10 weeks, Pretorius toiled in secrecy, cracking the secret of life itself by reanimating dead tissue created from cadavers out of opened graves. Enlisting the help of other scientists, Pretorius obsessively pursued the goal of creating a female companion to love the Attorney General as no mortal ever could.

Since becoming Attorney General in January 2001, Ashcroft has placed a number of limits on civil liberties, restrictions which have earned him the enmity of the ACLU and other such organizations. Recently, however, Ashcroft has also begun to draw criticism from another sector: angry peasant villagers. Chasing him with pitchforks, torches, and dogs through the foggy streets of the nation's capital, irate mobs have emerged in recent weeks as a substantial obstacle to Ashcroft's plans.

"Arrrrrrrrgh!" said Ashcroft as he fled one recent mob, before disappearing into the night.

Since the Bride incident, peasant-villager opposition to Ashcroft has only intensified. Said one villager, who insisted on picking through the smoking press-conference wreckage in search of Ashcroft's body: "When I see his blackened bones, then I can sleep at night."

"Ashcroft? I'd hate to find him under me bed at night," another villager remarked. "He's a nightmare in the daylight, he is."

So, to recap-

Homosexuality = Dog fucking

bringing a corpse home for the kids to cuddle = healthy, "pro-family" behavior.

-- from the Internet

It's amazing what web browsing can lead you to. In this case, it's a Cheerleading Forum! With topics such as...

I need help with sex
I feel like killing myself (sample message: my bf didnt make cheer team and she was laughed at to! but i took her to my opean gym and let her work with my trainer and when they had re-tryouts she made alternate!)
I'm soo mad
THEY THINK I MADE IT CUZ OF MY GRADES!
Bring It On! What do you think? (1) The Squad has not sponsor! 2) Their Stunts are SOOO Illegal! 3) They could have NEVER made a nationals routine that quickly!)

and of course...
*******DO YOU THINK IM FAT******* i am 5'0 130...............

not to mention...
Are you anti or pro war? All opinions will be respected :)

Any of the topic heading would be a brilliant title for a teen novel. All together, and it's a couple hours to waste at work. Oh, and there's an entire forum folder entitled "Weight Questions."

I was at a party this weekend. Once things settled down a bit, we watched Family Business on the hostess' Tivo. It's a reality show that, to quote the Showtime website, "focuses on the charismatic Adam Glasser and his alter ego, 'Seymore Butts,' who has created over 70 popular adult films."

I didn't know Seymour Butts was an actual name of a porn actor. Sort of juvenile, isn't it? The episodes I saw, one featured Adam trying his hand at internet dating. Both girls he dated, he waited until the first moments of their blind date to spring the whole "producer, director and sometimes performer in adult films" thing on them. Seems to me that is something they'd want to discuss before an actual date. Especially considering how awkward it made things after the bombshell. My favorite part, I don't remember what episode, was when Adam announced his plan to move from the cum shot in one scene, to another set across the house, in one uninterrupted take. I was yelling at the screen, "Say Hitchcock! Mention Rope!" but it didn't happen. Also of note in that episode was the strange use of backgammon as a springboard for hot oral action.

I was amazed by how scandalized I was by the show. I feel like such a hick.

It finally took a nude photo to convince me, but I finally realized: the Dixie Chicks are unattractive.

I was just thinking about SARS. It's bad enough that there's a respiratory infection out there with a 3% mortaility rate. That's so Nineteenth Century. But worse, it has such a clinical name. At least AIDS sounds like something; SARS sounds like a part in a transistor radio. I don't want to die of SARS. I want to die of the "Bleeding Lung Plague" or something equally poetic.

Real Email

I actually sent this email when I was messed up on medication a couple months ago. I like how I was able to use the abbreviative apostrophe correctly, but otherwise seemed to be directly transcribing my slurred speech.


'pologies

for how disconnected In was on the phon last ngiht, Did I call you? Did you call me? Eatherway, soori I was so out of it doing thre conversation.

Stupid medications, pleasee lebeivevbe me I'n not crazy. I rememebr something about migh to fth riguana, and anometihgnelkse,



OKay, I've leaving this off here (but leaving the above sankrit and all as evidence I did try to keep in touch). As I read , It's realy clear I can't type two letters togeherth, How about we talk on the phone this week. I'll call, okay? Le Belle et la Bette, Night of the Iquana or something else?

Cool?

Finally, the Puget Sound Area is getting the world-class terrorism we deserve. With three professional sports teams and a beloved landmark like the Space Needle, it's about fucking time!

My favorite part of the article: "Officials were also looking at a second envelope found near the first one, though it was unknown whether it contained powder." Do they have a team of monkeys working around the clock on this?

Suspect powder found at a Tacoma mail distribution facility

By Ray Rivera
Seattle Times staff reporter

About 100 people were evacuated and four sent to a hospital after suspicious powder was found in an envelope at a Tacoma postal facility. Preliminary tests indicated the powder might contain plague or botulism, a Tacoma police official said.

An Army National Guard unit specializing in chemical and biological hazards was called in to conduct more sophisticated tests.

Officials cautioned that preliminary tests often return false results.

Police Sgt. Jerry Lerum said the powder was discovered around 12:45 a.m. after the envelope it was in was damaged in a mail sorter. The envelope was addressed to the Sequim Police Department in Clallam County. There was no return address. At least one field test by a local hazardous material unit returned positive readings for plague and botulism, Lerum said.

Tacoma Fire Capt. Jolene Davis said four of five tests were negative.

Officials were also looking at a second envelope found near the first one, though it was unknown whether it contained powder. That envelope was addressed to the U.S. State Department, said an official with U.S. Sen. Maria Cantwell's office.

Police and fire officials cordoned off the building at 4001 S. Pine St. The FBI was on the scene investigating.

Tacoma Fire Capt. Terry Dawson said four people were decontaminated and taken to St. Joseph’s Hospital in Tacoma as a precautionary measure, though no one showed signs of being ill.

The other employees were allowed to go home. Many, however, were still on the scene in buses awaiting for the building to be reopened to pickup car keys and other personal belongings, said Mark Fulghum of the Tacoma Police Dept.

The National Guard’s 10th Civil Support Team was called in from nearby Camp Murray about 4:15 a.m. The unit consists of 22 members and has equipment that can identify hundreds of chemical, biological and nuclear hazards, said Maj. Gen. Timothy Lowenburg, commander of the Washington National Guard and the state’s top homeland security official.

The unit has been called in to investigate at least 100 such incidents since the Sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attacks, Lowenberg said. No biotoxins were found in any of the previous incidents.

Once on-site testing is completed, the powder will be sent to the state toxicology lab for additional tests, Lerum said.

Sequim Police Chief Ken Burge said he had not been contacted about the envelope and could not confirm that it was addressed to his police department.

"That's not surprising, I'm sure they've got their hands full down there," Burge said.

Burge, who has only been in Sequim since October, said he couldn't think of anyone who might want to harm the department.

"Of course I don't know all the ins and outs of the community yet," he said.

A hero for the 21st century
Jon Carroll

Let us raise our glasses today to Katrina Leung, the woman whom all men want to know and who all women want to be. She has the power to cloud men's minds and then steal their secrets. And then apologize for it, and do it again.

And again.

She also made close to $2 million off the deal, most of it coming from the FBI but $100,000 of it coming from the Chinese government. In the '80s, it would appear, she became a highly paid spy because former Chinese President Yang Shangkun "liked her."

I am assuming here that Yang Shangkun "liked" Katrina Leung in the sense that FBI agent James J. Smith "liked" her. Smith enjoyed carnal liking with Leung, and it's safe to say that goal-oriented liking was one of her favorite tactics.

Leung was apparently a double agent for both the FBI and the Chinese since 1982. She told neither side of her work for the other, and it is unclear where her loyalties lay, if indeed loyalty was part of the dynamic.

Sometime between 1982 and 1991, Leung started her affair with Smith and also started to extract secret documents from his briefcase, microfilm them and pass them on to the Chinese.

For reasons not entirely clear, in 1991 Leung admitted to Smith that she had stolen his secrets and had blown the cover of two FBI agents who had traveled to China. The Chinese had them followed but did not injure them.

So what did Smith do? You're gonna love this. Did he turn Leung in? No. Did he stop having carnal liking with her? No. He flew with Katrina Leung to San Francisco, where she met with one of the two agents whose cover she had blown and apologized to him.

Her apologies were so effective that the agent, William Cleveland, also started having an affair with her. This is a very fine story. It seems that neither of the two agents knew that the other was (a) engaged in secret liking and (b) continuing to have secrets lifted from his pocket or glove compartment or wherever the hell he was keeping them.

Imagine Smith's mind-set. Yeah, we know she stole secrets, but that's all behind her. She promised me. I'll just do what I did before -- take my secrets to Katrina's and lay my burden down. And Cleveland! Spend some time inside his head: OK, so she tried to have me killed; on the other hand, she's got nice eyes.

Are you smelling instant movie of the week? I sure am.

Cleveland later quit the FBI and took a job as head of security at the Lawrence Livermore Labs. This career change probably suited Leung just fine. There are secrets at Lawrence Livermore too, and now the Chinese have some of them. It does make you worry about the employee screening process both at the LLL and the FBI. I mean, if they'd been Arab guys who'd outstayed their visas, we'd be all over them like white on milk.

Here's the beauty part. This little arrangement continued, the liking and the stealing and the unauthorized trips to China, until this year, when Katrina Leung was 49 years old. Anybody can be a backstabbing double-crossing sex goddess, but a 49-year-old backstabbing double-crossing sex goddess -- well, it gives us all hope, doesn't it?

----

Here is the picture of, to quote Warren Ellis, the inscrutable Intelligence Slut Mom:

I just received a gay porn spam. It is ingeniously written, almost fooling me into thinking it was anti-gay. It seems designed to bait self-hating closet cases. Thank heavens I am not one of those.

Please dig on the blank verse:

GAYS VIOLENCE !!!

Mortal games of gays!

In appearance they are just boys, but when they
begin to have sex, they at once turn into
beast-murderers!

They use knives, guns, scissors, screwdrivers and
everything that can find!
They can't have sex without it!

Often their games become bloody, but this arouses
their passion to extreme sex.
They become wild beasts!

Gays and blood!
Only at our site you find these exclusive photos
and films with wild orgies of gays.

Brian Gunn has a nice little piece up on Billy Bear/aka Sonny Landham.

Inspired a bit by the piece, I traveled to Landham's website, specifically his Campaign For Governor page. He is running at the people's advocate. Is it me, or does it seem like candidates for state office in the South tend to have criminal records. Yeah, I know Landham was railroaded, blah blah blah, but I can't imagine Washington state, for example, electing a felon. Maybe it's a Republican thing.

I was intrigued that the Sonny Landham for Governor campaign headquarters address is Henry Clay House, 1740 Winchester Avenue, Apartment 409, Ashland, Kentucky 41101. Yes, that's "Apartment 409." That made me wonder if the campaign phone number listed on the page was his home phone.

Sonny Landham: Hello?

Use Once & Destroy: May I please speak to Sonny Landham?

SL: Speaking.

UO&D: Uh, hi.

SL: Can I help you with something?

UO&D: Uh, yeah. Yeah, I saw your homepage on the internet.

SL: What?

UO&D: I'm with Use Once & Destroy, Inc. We're a multi-media corporation based in Seattle. Would you be available for a short interview?

SL: Use Once & Destroy?

UO&D: We're all big fans of 48 Hours .

SL: Excuse me?

UO&D: How did playing Billy Bear affect your life?

SL: What?

UO&D: That was a major role, and you are a major icon. And an inspiration to Indian Americans everywhere.

SL: Thanks.

UO&D: And now you're running for governor. Governor Billy Bear. Ha ha!

SL: Whoa. It's more than that.

UO&D: I'll say.

SL: Are you making fun of me?

UO&D: No.

SL: You're making fun of me. [Latham sighs] Okay, I'm going to say this, and then I'm hanging up. Okay?

UO&D: Okay.

SL: Okay, first, you don't call people up at midnight. Okay? Okay? Hello? Hola? Si?

UO&D: Yeah. Sorry. It's only ten here.

SL: Yeah, well, it's midnight here.

UO&D: Sorry.

SL: Yeah. And don't do weird shit like this. Calling people? What, you just do that?

UO&D: Yeah, sometimes. Sorry.

SL: It's weird shit, man. Doing that is weird shit. I'm running a serious campaign.

UO&D: I know.

SL: I'm the people's advocate in this race. I don't have time for fags like you.

UO&D: Yeah.

SL: I don't like being made fun of.

UO&D: I'm not making fun of you.

SL: Bullshit. Bullshit. You call me up at midnight, you say you work for a website, you're obviously drunk-

UO&D: I'm not drunk.

SL: It's bullshit. This isn't funny.

UO&D: Sorry

SL: Thanks.

[Pause]

UO&D: Uh...

SL: Are we done?

UO&D: Yeah.

SL: Don't fucking call here any more.

UO&D: Okay.

SL: I got your number on the caller id. I'm serious.

UO&D: Okay.

SL: It's [number deleted]. I'm serious.

UO&D: Okay.

SL: Goodbye.

UO&D: Thanks. Goodbye.

A Use Once & Destroy exclusive, folks!

Click here to contribute to Sonny Landham for Governor!

What I learned from this article: holy shit, they can identify human flesh in your stomach as belonging to someone else?

Oh, and I love this photo that illustrates the article:



On the site, it has the caption "drugs PCP." Almost zen.

Rapper Charged with Murder After Human Flesh Found In Stomach
By Chuck "Jigsaw" Creekmur, BET.Com Staff Writer

Posted June 7, 2002-- Antron Singleton aka "Big Lurch," an up-and-coming rapper from Texas, was charged with murdering a Los Angeles woman in April, after a detective's report showed there were teeth marks on her face and lungs, which were torn from her chest, according to the Los Angeles Times.

Due to the extreme nature of the crime, Singleton was being held without bail until his arraignment on June 13.

A medical examination conducted shortly after his arrest, found flesh in Singleton's stomach that wasn't his own.

In Compton Superior Court Wednesday, Los Angeles Detective Raymond Jankowski said he found the body of the Tynisha Ysais, 21, Singleton's alleged victim, in her apartment with her chest torn open. Jankowski also reported that he found a three-inch blade broken off in the victim's shoulder blade and her lungs appeared to be chewed and torn.

"Her chest was open, exposing internal organs," Jankowski told the Los Angeles Times.

A friend of Ysais, Alisa Allen, reported that she saw Singleton naked in the street, covered in blood, staring at the sky. After contacting the police, who arrested Singleton, Allen then discovered Ysais lying dead in her apartment.

According to reports, Ysais' boyfriend admitted that he and Singleton were smoking PCP the night before the murder.

According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), PCP is a white powdery drug that generally causes abusers to become disturbed, delusional, violent, paranoid and fearful when it is sniffed, smoked, or eaten.

Davey D, a hip-hip activist of www.daveyd.com, said he got to know Singleton when he worked as a personality at California radio station KMEL 106.1. He said the crime that Singleton is accused of doesn't fit his personality nor is it indicative of hip-hop music. "I don't think this fits anyone's rap persona. PCP is capable of taking anyone out of their mind. This is bigger then hip-hop," he told BET.Com.

"It begs to question what is going on that so many people feel they got to take a mind altering substance to remove them from their natural mind state," he queried. "At times the world is a crazy place and this situation with Big Lurch proves that."

As Big Lurch, Singleton has rapped with popular rappers like Jive Records' artist Mystikal and E-40 of California.

Attention, Washington State actors!

This is a feature length experimental film dirested by the french american director Claude Sandeaux we are curently taking extras, there is no pay 4/19 –We need extras to be dressed all in black. Cloaks, capes, hooded sweatshirts would all be preferred. We'll be in the Everett Art Gallery Monte Cristo 1507 Wall street . Evrett WA 98201 4/22 – Extras needed Costume is upper middle class (ie. Kakis, Polo, Nice jeans,etc) the location is in Evrett, WA Email me for directions. This is a night shoot. This is a night shoot starting around 5pm To 1100pm 4/23 – Extras needed Costume is upper middle class (ie. Kakis, Polo, Nice jeans, etc) the location is in Woodenville, WA please E-mail me for directions. This is a night shoot starting around 5pm To 1100pm 4/27 - Gothic people needed all black clothing preferably location is in Evrett, WA. please E-mail me for directions. This is a night shoot starting around 5pm To 1100pm 5/4 - Gothic people needed all black clothing preferably location is in Downtown Seattle, WA. please E-mail me for directions. This is a night shoot starting around 5pm To 1100pm 5/7 - Anybody and everybody All costume types must be over 21 we are shooting in a bar. The location is Downtown Seattle. Please E-mail me for directions. This is a night shoot starting around 5pm To 1100pm

I wonder if the director realizes that, no matter how much he wishes it were so, dressing goths up in back hods and -- God help us -- capes in no way does an experimental film make. Anyway, email acetg02@hotmail.com if you want to be in it.

http://blackthemovie.com

God help us...



There's No Restraining Order He Can't Beat

Now in a daily blog format...

I just happened to be looking at my site referrals. Someone did a Google search for, and I am not making this up, "german rat poison propaganda films" and got me. That's going to be the name of my next installation piece. Honest to god, this has been a great week.

He was the best dictator in the Middle East. I can't believe he's gone. Oh, Saddam, the world was never made for one as beautiful as you.

Arabs Watch Saddam's Demise in Disbelief
Wed April 9, 2003 01:11 PM ET

By Lucy Fielder
CAIRO (Reuters) - Arabs watched in disbelief on Wednesday as Iraqi President Saddam Hussein, described by one Moroccan as the Arab world's "best dictator," lost Baghdad to U.S.-led forces without a fight.

"It's like a movie. I can't believe what I'm seeing," said Adel, a lawyer in Beirut. "Why didn't he just give up to start with if this was all the resistance he could muster? Instead of wasting all those lives for nothing."

In Cairo, people gathered around television sets in shops and coffee houses watching U.S. troops toppling a huge statue of Saddam in the heart of Baghdad and Iraqis dancing on it.

"It seemed that Iraqis were all with Saddam, now it looks like many didn't like him. Maybe those destroying the statue are rebels against Saddam's rule," engineer Magdy Tawfiq said as he watched Saddam's statue being toppled by a U.S. tank.

But security guard Waleed Tawfiq said he still did not believe Saddam was out. "I will be upset if it turns out Saddam has lost power. He tried to defend his land. If he is dead he will be a martyr."

Most Arabs have no love for Saddam. But his defiance toward the United States has been met with approval in a region angry at Washington's support for Israel and perceived interference in Arab affairs, and the presence of U.S. forces in Arab countries.

Three weeks of war in Iraq have sparked anger across the Arab world, and the anger grew as civilian casualties mounted. Protesters at hundreds of rallies have chanted praise for "beloved" Saddam and held his picture aloft.

Rabat perfume shop owner Lahoucine Lanait described Saddam as the Arab world's "best dictator."

But few Arabs had a kind word for him as his 24-year rule collapsed on Wednesday.

"Saddam is not an Arab champion. The war is practically over, did he win? No, and Iraq is destroyed," said Ayman Abdel Rahim, a Cairo butcher.

"Saddam Hussein is proving for the thousandth time that he is stubborn, stupid, idiotic and a terrorist. He is more like the head of a gang and not the president of a respectable state like Iraq," said Sultan Nasser, 49-year-old Saudi bank employee.

STANDING UP TO THE UNITED STATES

Many Arabs liken the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq to Israeli occupation of the West Bank and Gaza Strip.

In Oman, some said Saddam, whose fate is unknown after he was targeted by U.S. planes, symbolized resistance.

"It is irrelevant whether Saddam is dead or not. His memory will live on to inspire many Arabs to stand up against all the injustices committed by the U.S. and its friends in Israel," Belqees Hamood, a university student, said.

"Saddam was not an angel to his own people but he will be missed since many Arabs see him as a leader who was not afraid to challenge the American and Israeli aggressions over Palestinians," said Juma Backer, a businessman.

In Saudi Arabia, Mohsen al-Awajy, a reformist sheik who has been jailed by the country's pro-Western monarchy, said: "No one wanted to fight under Saddam's banner."

"But resistance to occupation has nothing to do with Saddam and just part of the battle is about to end now."

Adel in Beirut disagreed. "So he was the only Arab leader to stand up to the Americans. Look what happened, no one else will dare try that again."

Some said his death at the hands of U.S.-led invaders would make him a martyr. It was a question of honor.

"My hope is that Saddam falls fighting with his own gun. If he flees or surrenders, as many people believe, then he is like other Arab leaders who do not care about honor, it would be a total shame," said Sellami Hidoussi, a Tunis car garage guard.

Fahd Saleh of Saudi Arabia expressed equal dislike for President Bush and Saddam.

"Saddam is a terrorist but he's not alone. Bush too is a terrorist but Saddam is weak and Bush is strong. That's why he has won, because no one opposes a strong person," said the 33-year-old Saudi government employee.

"How wonderful the world would be without Saddam and without Bush!" (Contributions from Lebanon, Morocco, Oman, Saudi Arabia, Tunisia)

Can I accept comments? I'm not sure. Give a shout out and tell me...

Guest blog today, from talented actress Jean Chemnick, who co-starred with me in Art Theatre of Puget Sound's production of The Three Sisters last year. Jean is on tour in the Northeast, doing a one-woman Holocaust show.

At David's suggestion, here is an installment of my rock n' roll life.

I arrive in Rochester. Unfortunately, due to Beth something, the local synagogue's, cancellation of my show, I have nothing to do in Rochester, so I stay in my room at the "comfort inn" going over my lines and being depressive. The first night I am in so late that the dangerous looking restaurant next door is closed, so I hitch a ride with an Ohio couple to the local strip mall, where I nibble on some ice berg lettuce and hear all about their grandchild's cerebral fluid issues, which are extensive. I admire pictures of said child. I wait for half an hour as the grandparents select candy at K-mart. I go back to the hotel, find my earplugs, and go to "sleep".

I go back to the airport and fly to Albany, then drive to Saratoga. Saratoga Springs is adorable, and the idea of kidnapping the rental car and going back to seattle stops feeling like the only sane option. I am happy. I do a couple days of shows for privileged white children and take a bath in Saratoga Spring water.

I drive to Albany. I get on the expressway. I am too timid a driver (nasty rush hour) and don't get over to the correct, new york city south bound lane. I go west instead, thinking, hell, I'll get off at the next exit. It can't be that far.

Ha, ha. But it can. I don't quite make it to Buffalo (way the fuck west) but almost. I scream obscenities. I maneuver my way east again. I get lost maneuvering my way east again. I get on the expressway going south (hallelujah), but go too far south (fuck), because my directions are wrong and the correct turn off route isn't reported (kill the boss). I get off the damned freeway and ask at a hotel, which turns out to be a retirement home, where the correct turn off was supposed to be. I arrive at hotel very late, but not quite late enough. The Jimmy Banana Comedy Club is still blaring in the dining room, making it impossible for normal humans to sleep. And I can't use my earplugs because then I'll miss my wake-up call, and that would be bad because I have a performance tomorrow at 7:30 am.

Why did I do it? I could just have said no. Why, god, why? I'm missing one and possibly two callbacks for this. Save me, save me.

But I'm in Rochester again, and I got to have I nice dinner last night, and everything is good except that a recent ice storm knocked out all the power in half the city causing all the families to have to move into my hotel with me, and the "adorable" one and a half year olds are constantly there and peeing in the jacuzzi.

Much love,

Jean

vs.

To paraphrase Alexander Cockburn, I feel like I've eaten rat poison.

I was just down the street from my work, dropping off some literature at a local arts center. As I was organizing the materials on their table for such things, I glanced up to see a larger-than-life photo of Rachel Corrie, over a table covered in candles and flowers. I'm sure there was more to it than a shrine, but I felt an immediate vacuum around me, and left for outside so I could breath again.

I knew her. Not well, mind you, but we've been introduced and re-introduced about five or six times. We went to the same parties, and shared some friends. I've checked my usual practice of name-dropping and star-fucking, because I'm so ambivalent about the war, and her death was so senseless and brave and idealistic and sad. And since I didn't know her well, it would be in bad taste to harp on it, like I am now, I guess. She falls into the category of person where you shake hands, and then remember each other. I don't remember bumming cigarettes from her, although I may have. I don't remember hitting on her, although I kind of wish I did, and glad I did not.

I almost went to a party at that space two weeks ago. Some of the organizers were the mutual acquaintances I shared with Ms. Corrie. These people were friends of hers, back from college. They loved her, and have been grieving. I a friend I wasn't sure I would attend the party, because I didn't feel well, and I was afraid it would turn into a rally (a possibility mentioned by the organizers). My friend immediately jumped down my throat, saying "We all knew Rachel Corrie, it isn't going to be a rally, the war is wrong, etc..." I could only reiterate I wasn't feeling well, and wonder if all these people knew Rachel Corrie so damn well, why don't they call her "Rachel"?

Seeing the shrine upset me. Do her friends realize how dehumanizing that is? How fascist? How Stalinist? By calling her a martyr and hailing her death, her friends and allies are as complicit as their opponents who call her a moron. I've only read of a few who see her as anything but.

I'm sure she opposed the war. She must have despised the monstrous regime in Israel. But I don't know. I don't know her nuanced feelings, and I'm disgusted that ideologues on every side have chosen to caricature this young woman into a minstrel show for their own beliefs. Even if they're her friends. Her convictions may well have been simple. I rarely discuss politics with artists. To be frozen in youth as she was is enough of a tragedy, but to strip her of humanity is worse. I hope when her friends think of her in decades to come, they remember a friend and not a symbol of their generation.

Google News Headline: Bush Rejoices Over Jessica Lynch's Rescue -- Seattle Post Intelligencer.

Actual Seattle Post-Intelligencer headline: Bush Did Not Order Plan To Rescue Troop

First, "troop" is not singular for "troops." Jesus. Second, Bush's actual response in the article: 'Bush learned of Lynch's rescue at 4:50 p.m. EST Tuesday during his afternoon call with Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld. "That's great," he told Rumsfeld.' Ari Fleisher said Bush was "full of joy," but that doesn't really count.

I'm glad that after two weeks of fighting in Iraq, we've finally been able to zero in on a real story: the rescue of 19 year-old West Virginia cutie Jessica Lynch from the hands of the infidels. I'm not going to bother with bullshit disclaimers like, of course I'm glad she's safe, and I support the troops, blah, blah, blah, because I really couldn't care less.

I just want to point out a few strange things. All my information is from a Washington Post article. I don't think it's a coincidence that the first high-profile POW was a woman. One of the things the Administration and the pro-warbies have been harping on is the state of women in the Middle East. So, a female soldier acting heroically against these chauvinist mongols is, shall we say, a real propaganda victory, with a dash of poetic justice thrown in. Also, since the ingrate Iraqis aren't exactly lining up to be liberated, it is nice to see a pretty, all-American photogenic rescued after we've endured photo after photo of those miserable-looking sand people. They're not like us. They're hardly human. Not like Jessica. Sigh.

The unnamed US officials have described her heroism in the face of capture, as reported in the Post: "[She] fought fiercely and shot several enemy soldiers after Iraqi forces ambushed the Army's 507th Ordnance Maintenance Company, firing her weapon until she ran out of ammunition." I detect a bit of the Gulf of Tonkin here; that incident never even happened, but the New York Times had no trouble describing n detail the pitched battle. Private Lynch was the only survivor of the incident, and I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt, and assume she wouldn't have related such a self-aggrandizing report, seeing as the rest of her unit is dead, and she's probably not much in a condition to talk right now (the article suggests she has not been debriefed yet).

Isn't it disturbing that Private Lynch is being praised for fighting to the death? "She was fighting to the death," the official said. "She did not want to be taken alive." I thought our respect for life was what separated from the terrorists. Aren't we supposed to encourage, maybe killing everyone else? To paraphrase Patton, nobody ever won a war by dying for their country.

In conclusion, I will observe that she's adorable, and on a note of what should be considered hypocrisy, condemn Senator Pat Roberts for saying, "Talk about spunk!" which is something nobody would say about a guy. I'm sure when the time comes, Senator Roberts will congratulate the "little lady" personally.

Those are my confused thoughts.

I was watching a porn movie I downloaded last night. And while I'm sure nobody will believe this, I downloaded it by mistake; I noticed it in my folder when someone started uploading it. In this file sharing thing, it's really easy to download the wrong thing and not notice it. So I cancelled the upload, and watched the movie before deleting it. So I'm watching this couple fuck in a swimming pool, and I notice something: the woman's crotch is absolutely covered in welts of some kind. Due to the screen resolution and small size, it was hard to tell if they were herpes, or genital warts, or something else. But, jesus, that guy must have been a real professional. I should have made a note of the actress' name, to warn the world.

I guess it is contraversial to compare one' s self with Adolph Hitler, but on the other hand, at least the people of Zimbabwe can't say they didn't know it was coming. Extra points for saying it at a funeral.

Mugabe Equates Himself to Hitler

The Daily News (Harare)
NEWS
March 26, 2003
Posted to the web March 26, 2003

By Brian Mangwende, Chief Reporter

PRESIDENT Mugabe stunned the nation last Friday when he equated himself to the German butcher of the Nazi era, Adolf Hitler, saying he was going to ruthlessly clamp down on dissenting voices in the country.

Hitler massacred over six million Jews and other minority groups whom he perceived to be his opponents.

Addressing mourners at the burial of Swithun Mombeshora, the Minister of Higher and Tertiary Education, at the National Heroes' Acre, Mugabe, who sports a Hitlerite moustache, said: "I remember when in 1976 we met with the British at the Geneva Conference and at that time the British and their friends were focused on Mugabe and Nkomo. "I was the Hitler of that time. I am still a Hitler of their time. If Hitler fought for the justice of mankind, many nations would not have fought against him.

"Hitler in Zimbabwe has one objective - sovereignty for his people, recognition of their independence and their rights to freedom. If they say I am Hitler, let me be Hitler ten-fold and that's what we stand for."

Mugabe made the remarks on the backdrop of unprecedented torture, arrests and assaults allegedly by State security agents countrywide on civilians.

Last week, a man was beaten to death and several others, including opposition Members of Parliament, were beaten up and/or arrested as soldiers, the police and Central Intelligence Organisation agents cracked down on residents they suspected of participating in the two-day mass stayaway.

Richard Boucher, the spokesperson for the State Department of the United States, immediately condemned the retributions.

He said the upsurge in official violence is directly attributable to Mugabe's speech last Friday in which he said he could be a "black Hitler ten-fold" in crushing his opponents. "Since the beginning of this year, government officials and supporters have sharply escalated repression of all forms of dissent," Boucher said.

"This repression has grown increasingly violent. "In the run-up to this week's parliamentary by-elections in two pro-opposition districts, the ruling party has made clear its intent to win at any cost and has used violence and manipulation of food stocks to intimidate voters."

The US government said Harare should immediately cease its campaign of violent repression, and identify and bring to justice the perpetrators of these serious and widespread human rights abuses.

In a statement, Boucher said: "The United States strongly condemns the unprecedented violence carried out by the Zimbabwe government against domestic opponents. "Over the past three days, the government of Zimbabwe has embarked on a massive retribution campaign against opposition officials, supporters, and other critics of the regime.

"This wave of violence and intimidation follows last week's successful and largely peaceful two-day work stoppage organised by the main opposition party, the MDC. "Since then, over 400 opposition supporters have been arrested, beaten, and in some cases tortured by individuals in police and military uniform.

"Over 250 people have required hospitalisation and at least one person has died. "Women have been sexually assaulted by police or military officers."

He said violence directed against opposition parties and their supporters has become a standard pre-election tactic of Mugabe's government over the past three years.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright © 2003 The Daily News. All rights reserved. Distributed by AllAfrica Global Media (allAfrica.com).

I think I'm going to start up an anti-abortion mail list or something. That way, when some chimp adds me to their anti-war mail list, I can respond in time. Jesus, how presumptuous.

The Wilco Documentary, " I Am Trying to Break Your Heart, arrives today on dvd. Out of laziness and the desire to fill space, here's my original review of the movie, from last Fall:

Saw I am Trying to Break Your Heart last night. Entertaining, but no Gimme Shelter. Tells the story of Wilco recording their album Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, which I haven't heard, but is apparently well-regarded in some circles (I prefer the innovative sounds of Gram Parsons), and how the band struggled to get it released . The best parts were the scenes of the band playing; to the film's credit, we saw many complete performances. Jeff Tweedy is an interesting case study, someone who is able to communicate through music and lyrics, but is completely inarticulate when it comes to speaking. Probably a full ten minutes of film were spent with him sighing and scratching his head.

Other low points include Rolling Stone hack David Fricke, who blathers pretentiously about Wilco's genius and the decline of American society. I'm not exaggerating when I say Fricke should be shot. With his hair and his faux-counterculture ideals, it seemed like the filmmmakers had dug a trench into some particularly repulsive strata of Seventies tar pit and this guy fell out. There's also a cameo by former musician, current hanger-on Dave Pirner. When I subscribed to Rolling Stone in college, his smug, obsequious mug invaded every issue in the Random Notes, hanging out with any musician unlucky enough to be in the same industry awards show. Sad to see he's still a groupie.

The most interesting thing about the film was the way the camera affected just about everything that occured. The endless discussions and arguments in the studio were clearly exacerbated by band members performing for the filmmakers. A scene where the manager chews out an anonymous Reprise flack demonstrates the same thing.

Despite the filmmakers' boast on their website that this is a "true documentary," director Sam Jones is clearly a fan of the band (he told Vanity Fair he wanted to portray "a great American rock band at the height of its creative powers."), determined to show them in the best light; the films even sides with the band when Jay Bennett is fired. After the termination, Tweedy affects the high road and refuses to discuss it, while the manager, Tony Margherita, sneers that Bennett will be playing in from of 35 people. Cut to Bennett playing in front of 35 people, singing a shitty folk song. I don't know anything about the man. If he has talent then it is dishonest to excerpt such a crapopy song. If he really is so untalented, then it is viscous to make such a point of it. Regardless, the implication is clear: Wilco is better off without him. Cruel and uneccessary.

So, I got April fooled today. I've been sitting around with this package I need to send. I didn't send it yesterday because, as I complained to my co-worker Kate, the lines were too long. She replied, "that must be because the rates went up today." To which I said, "Oh, fuck." Then she said, "Aptil fool!" I can't beleive it. Now I'm going to have to slash her tires or something.

One-minute Oscar commentary: Halle Berry's dress inspired me in my fight against Iraq. Is Keanu Reeves retarded? Is it in bad taste to make a joke about Robert Blake shooting his wife to a room full of people who presumeably know him? Please tell me Daniel Day Lewis wasn't fucking crying after U2 played. Michael Moore is a fat douchebag: why did he start yelling? It made him look like an idiot. My favorite smug Hollywood moment occured when the editor of Chigaco thanked its director, Rob Marshall, for his "vision" and they cut to Marshall in the audience, whispering, "you're welcome." God, that was so self-important and beautiful, I almost cried. I actually thought it was pretty cool Adrian Brody won Best Actor. I mean, he's my age, all the other nominees had won before (they all looked genuinely happy for him, except for Michael Caine), and it was his first nomination. I felt sort of bad for Brody during his speech, though: if I looked down from my podium to see Richard Gere nodding his head in sanctimonious agreement, I'd seriously reconsider what I was saying. And I thought it was a nice touch they did Best Actress in a later and more prestigious spot than Best Actor. Small, nice gesture. And I didn't see nine out of ten of the nominated films, so I have no opinion on the winners or nominees.

This article is hilarious. I love the idea of one of those Oregon anarchist kids sitting in a war room with an Iraqi official. Boy, the look on those Iraqi officials faces must be priceless.

Human shields await bombs in Baghdad
From anarchists to Quakers, they've followed their principles to put their lives on the line with the civilians of Iraq

Baghdad -- The ultimatum issued by President Bush on Monday dramatically increases the chance that Faith Fippinger may die in the next few days.

Fippinger, a 52-year-old retired schoolteacher is one of about 90 "human shields" who are putting their bodies on the line in front of potential U.S. bombing targets in Iraq.

Since early February, the Sarasota, Fla., native has slept every night at the Daura oil refinery, a huge complex at the southern edge of Baghdad that supplies the entire metropolitan region with gasoline and other fuels. In the 1991 Persian Gulf War, the refinery was destroyed by U.S. missiles, and it burned for a month and a half.

Fippinger expects another attack.

"I may die here," she said calmly. "But my death is no more or less important than the Iraqi lives that will be lost -- for example, my neighbors, who live next to the refineries, a woman who brings in tea every morning."

Then Fippinger broke into tears.

Together with other human shields from the United States and elsewhere, Fippinger hopes her body might yet clog the gears of war.

But while Pentagon planners reportedly want to avoid bombing civilian infrastructure targets, Gen. Tommy Franks, the U.S. commander of the military campaign, has said potential targets would not necessarily be spared just because of the presence of human shields.

The volunteers are organized loosely by Human Shields, a London organization that is an ungainly conglomeration of 23 nationalities, mostly Europeans and Turks, along with six Americans.

The organization has been riven with dissension. Last month, the Iraqi government expelled five of its leaders after a dispute over which sites would be guarded by the volunteers. The group's leaders wanted to position shields at sites such as hospitals, while the government proposed sites it viewed as more strategic, including military installations. Other shields have returned home and denounced the Iraqi government as repressive.

'SOME FRUITCAKES AMONG US'
"We have a bad impression of the human shields. Some of them are crazy," said an Iraqi Foreign Ministry official, who requested anonymity.

"Yes, there are some fruitcakes among us," said Marc Eubanks, a Wyoming native and Air Force veteran who now lives in Athens, Greece. He was referring to some anarchists, who he said could provoke major culture clashes with Iraqi officials at joint meetings.

"But nobody can tell me that we haven't been an outstanding success," said Eubanks, who has been living at the Dura Electrical Power Plant, which supplies a third of Baghdad's electricity and was bombed in the Gulf War. "We were poorly organized, but we lurched forward."

The Bush administration has said little about the human shields. In February, a State Department spokeswoman responded to a reporter's question about why they were in Iraq by saying, "You might as well ask me why moths fly into porch lights."


NUMBERS UNCERTAIN
It is unclear exactly how many foreign activists are in Iraq, because even at this late date, many are still entering and leaving the country. But organizers estimate there may be about 120 to 150 activists in Baghdad when the U.S. attack starts.

Although the human shields are under no obligation to remain once the war begins, most say they will stay put even when the bombs start falling.

For the American activists, a lingering question is: What happens if they survive the war? Once they return to the United States, will they be prosecuted under the U.S. Patriot Act for supporting the enemy?

"The truth is, I'm more afraid of what the Americans would do if they caught me," said Eubanks. "The Americans will probably make Camp X-ray here and put me in it," he said, referring to the U.S. POW camp in Guantanamo, Cuba,

that is holding accused al Qaeda members.

As a U.S. war draws ever closer, the disappointment felt by the remaining activists is palpable.

"More than a letdown, it's a catastrophe, a huge punishment heaped on innocent people," said Kathy Kelly, the coordinator of Voices in the Wilderness, an activist group with headquarters in Chicago and London.

In recent months, Voices in the Wilderness and other U.S. groups, most of whom share Voices' origin in liberal Catholic, Quaker and other religious groups, have held many vigils in Baghdad and other Iraqi cities.


TENSIONS AMONG GROUPS
Kelly hinted at the subtle tension between her organization and Human Shields. While Voices in the Wilderness and other Western activist groups have accepted no aid from the Iraqi government, lodging and food expenses for the human shields has been paid for by the regime.

"We don't want to be under the propaganda wing of the party," said Kelly. "We are independent."

"I respect the human shields," but I wouldn't want to be taking anything from the government," said Charlie Liteky, a San Franciscan who is a member of Voices in the Wilderness. Liteky won the Congressional Medal of Honor in 1968 for his work as an Army chaplain in Vietnam, when he pulled 22 wounded soldiers out of a firefight against the Viet Cong.

"But in the end, we're all waiting for the same bombs," Liteky said. "And we may be in the same jail together after the war."

Hey, are we at war? I can't even tell anymore.

You know, my day was going fine until George Bush announced I had 48 hours to leave the country. Fuuuuck! I wanted to sell a bunch of comic books on Ebay, and now I'm screwed.

Holy shit, some ha-ha funny shit on The Comics Journal Message Board. The players are Bobby London, underground cartoonist, Ariel Bordeaux, a cartoonist, and Fantagraphics Books co-publisher Kim Thompson:

Bobby London: I didn't intend to repeat myself or bring this thread back to the original topic but
this time around, what's good for Mickey
Mouse is good for cartoonists everywhere.
Considering how artists still get treated
by society (not to mention by other artists),
I see no shame in their descendants reaping
benefits from their efforts especially if
they themselves never see such benefits in
their lifetimes. If they do, so much the better but, last time I looked, the cliche'
still holds. For every Mozart, there's a
Salieri with spade in hand and publishers
tend to treat the Salieris of the world with
equaniminity.

Bobby London: P.S. Feminists hate guys who have their shit
together.

Ariel B.: Hey Bobby, can you explain that last sentence? Because it totally offends me, and I think you are pro rape.

Bobby London :"Having your shit together" in the hippie handbook meant merely being able to take care
of yourself and meet your personal responsiblities, not losing your marbles
and committing sexual assault. Where in the previous post did I use the "r" word?
In the event this is not a joke, it goes like
this: my experience has been that radical feminists didn't like guys who had careers,
preferred to have them around for pedicures. That's all I meant.

Kim Thompson: Ariel Bordeaux 2, Bobby London 0. I've rarely seen a more elegant deflection of a male-chauvinist-pig rant, and Ariel gets the extra point because Bobby completely missed the irony.
A person less kind than me might ask how a cartoonist would have any first-hand knowledge of feminists' distaste for men with careers.

The thing I liked about the current eps of Angel, especially last week, is they've done a really good job re-introducing Faith. In fact, even though Faith has been on the show once before, for all purposes, she's been introduced as a new character, especially since most of the cast has never heard of her before. So, you get a good sense of her history, without a lot of exposition. I think I'd be enjoying it even more if I had never heard of Faith before in my life. When Buffy appeared on the first season, they were really lazy about it, rather than imbuing Buffy as someone from Angel's past, and dealing with her as back story, they just relied on the continuity from another show. The way they've treated Faith is like how they treated Darla: we knew Darla sired Angel, and we knew he killed her. Admittedly, that was all there was to Darla at that point. And even more admittedly, I just watched the Faith episode from the first season of Angel where they made major trade of the similarities of Faith's redemption to when Angel gained his soul, and Darla was in that, in I think was her first appearance on Angel (nope, her second, never mind).

I get the sense that even though they're denying plans for a Faith series, the current run on Angel sure as hell seems like what a Faith The Vampire Slayer show would be like. A lot more brutal.

Compare Faith fighting Angel to when Buffy fought Angel in her second season. Jesus. Okay, now when you watch the old Buffy episodes, you can see Angel's stunt double is bald and Buffy's is a fat guy, and the new Angel-Faith fights are totally ripping off Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, but man, there's just some brutal shit going on. Buffy and Angel just weren't even trying. Maybe it was characterization: Angel was real big on tormenting them for a while, but just killing them right quick in the actual fight. Maybe Faith is just more of a badass and needs more of a beat down. It was funny how they gave the fanboys a Faith-in-the-shower scene, but made it so horrible nobody could get turned on. I mean, is it just me, or does Sarah Michelle Gellar look cuter with a bruised face? I'm amazed how thay've taken Eliza Dushku's slutty cheerleader features and actually made her look like a girl whose been doing time.

Other comments on the show: I dislike Connor. I dislike fat Cordelia. I dislike Cordelia letting Connor put his greasy mitts all over her. When will it end? And how about the karaoke demon getting added to the credits? Go Lorne!

My shit didn't sell on Ebay. You ungrateful fucks.

I have a couple Ebay auctions that end this Sunday. Seeing as how I have nothing else to say, please feel free to bid on these great collectibles, and take them off my hands. I won't tell you what they are. Just look! And bid! Please...

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=1573&item=2513004542&rd=1

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=3969&item=2162872093&rd=1

My friend Erin Norlin's art is featured on the front page of www.seattlesucks.com. I don't really care for her style in the piece, but I like promoting her. If you have feedback for her you can post it there. In fact, do go to that forum and terrorize the chimps.

I have just received the strangest email. Am I weird for thinking this could be porn? Or it may be some innocuous Asian culture group? Am I wrong being equananimous with either option?


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Um, it's a models message board. How do I belong to this club.

Bought more art. My next acquisitions will be given to me. That I swear.

 

Carrie Whitney is an art director at Fantagraphics Books. For the past two years, I've bid on her work at a local art auction, at SOIL, to no avail. So I just emailed her and bought a couple pieces. I think her work is really interesting and fun, although I'm concerned that someone who works at the world's premier art comic publisher would create a piece featuring a Star Wars Destroyer Droid.

All hail Carrie Whitney!

Sounds like Laurence of Arabia: "Shut up you minion, you (U.S.) agent, you monkey. You are addressing Iraq," Ibrahim said. "You are insolent. You are a traitor to the Islamic nation," he spat out as Qatar's Sheikh Hamad bin Khalifa al-Thani tried to shut him up.

Islamic Summit Rocked as Iraq Slams Kuwait

By Ghaida Ghantous

DOHA, Qatar (Reuters) - Bitter enmity between Iraq (news - web sites) and Kuwait erupted in a vitriolic name-calling match on Wednesday at an Islamic summit meant to unite the voices of the world's one billion Muslims against war.

In a clash caught on live television before the Qatar state broadcaster shut down transmission, Iraqi President Saddam Hussein (news - web sites)'s top aide Izzat Ibrahim departed from his text to zero in on the Kuwaitis sitting across the conference chamber.

"Shut up you minion, you (U.S.) agent, you monkey. You are addressing Iraq," Ibrahim said. "You are insolent. You are a traitor to the Islamic nation," he spat out as Qatar's Sheikh Hamad bin Khalifa al-Thani tried to shut him up.

A Kuwaiti delegate responded that the insults were "the words of an infidel and a charlatan," as the two sides shouted and gesticulated angrily at each other.

Key U.S. Gulf ally Kuwait, which is publicly grateful to Washington for leading a coalition that liberated it from Iraqi occupation in 1991, is hosting thousands of U.S. Army and Marine forces in preparation for a possible invasion of Iraq.

Kuwaiti Foreign Minister Sheikh Sabah al Ahmad al Sabah told reporters the clash proved that only the voluntary exile of Saddam and his leadership could avert war.

This step was "the only thing and the miracle that can end this matter and the miracle is in the Iraqis' hands," he said.

Muslim leaders had hoped the emergency summit of the 56-member Organisation of the Islamic Conference (OIC) would send a clear message opposing an attack on Iraq.

But no new initiatives to halt the drive toward war were discussed, and the summit only agreed a broad statement on Iraq which said diplomacy should be given more time.

The written statement was not read on Qatar television, which only broadcast general closing remarks.

"Islamic countries would not participate in any military action which targets the security and territorial integrity of Iraq or any Muslim country," the statement said.

In fact, several Gulf states plus OIC member Turkey host U.S. forces and bases which would be used in an attack on Iraq. As Muslim leaders flew out of Doha, U.S. heavy transport aircraft were flying in, continuing the military buildup.

Only a quarter of OIC members sent their heads of state to the one-day gathering, the latest in a series of top-level Muslim or Arab gatherings called at short notice in a desperate but so far unavailing bid to halt the slide to war.

RELIGION UNDER THREAT, SAYS IRAQ

Ibrahim, second-in-command of Iraq's Revolutionary Command Council told the members of the world's largest Islamic grouping that they were all at risk from "the reckless and foolish United States" and said Baghdad expected "concrete steps to support Iraq against this tyrant."

"There should be a point-blank refusal of any aggression and no help should be given to this enemy... We hope Islamic nations can face the challenge that is before them," he said.

"In the face of this bitter reality, we must rally our forces and the foremost condition for our success is joint Muslim action," Ibrahim added. "We must not allow anyone to break our ranks or religion will be wiped out and our territories placed under foreign control."

Iraqi Foreign Minister Naji Sabri again rebuffed proposals that Saddam go into exile to avert war, telling reporters it was President Bush (news - web sites) who should "step down and leave other people to live in peace."

"Any call for stepping down should be asked to Mr. Bush. He is causing his people and his country to be hated all over the world, isolated all over the world, becoming Public Enemy Number One all over the world."

OIC Secretary General Abdelouahed Belkeziz said the Islamic nation "with all its political weight, power and resources" could make its voice heard if it was united and sincere.

But recent Arab and Muslim summits on the Iraq crisis have been marred by arguments and initiatives lost in dispute.

"I think the Arab and Islamic world is divided because we do not know what we want to do," Qatar Foreign Minister Sheikh Hamad bin Jassim bin Jabr al-Thani told the summit's closing news conference. "We do not speak with a single voice."

My little sister and her little freind Colleen called me all excitedly last week. They were totally going to go to that Great White show that ended so many promising young lives. IT COULD HAVE BEEN THEM!!!! Don't you understand?!?!?!?! Gen-Y now has it's own 9/11. Peace out.

Club Pickle is now open for business.

Who are these people coming here from, of all places, a Star Wars message board? Please identify yourselves. Thank you.

Yesterday I thought I was sick. Turned out I was just irritated. Fuck you.