Thursday, August 08, 2002

Margaret Cho's new concert film, NOTORIOUS C.H.O., opens tomorrow. I'm not going to review the film. I'm not going to see the film. It would be dishonest to discuss something without first-hand knowledge (except public freak-show behavior; news stories are fair game).

But I did attend the live concert that was filmed for the movie, so I believe I do have some insights that can be offered.

Christina Nation, my good friend and star of Shoot the Girl, a mvoei I directed that is in post production, worked as a P.A. She was coordinating interviews out front of the theatre.

Just so we're clear on this, I was there because a friend had an extra ticket. One of her gay friends skipped out. I still have not paid her back. Hopefully, she won't remember. Liz, my friend, her boyfriend Eric was visiting from Boston. Big guy. BIG fucking guy. Nice though, although on first impression I thought he was going to beat the shit out of me just to see my expression change. That Boston demeanor, you know. But he came to visit Liz in Seattle, and as a nice gesture, bought four tickets to the Margaret Cho concert, for her and the homosexual couple of her choice. But if I understand things correctly, Robert and Adam broke up, so it would have been awkward. I might have the chronology mixed, maybe they broke up months before. I don't know. It doesn't matter.

I was hoping to be interviewed, and Christina was all ready to set me up. I was going to say I didn't know who the fuck Cho was. Oh wait, I did see that show All-American Girl when Quentin Tarantino guest-starred. God, that show was deservedly short-lived. God. Unfunny, tedious. Blah. That wouldn't have made the final cut, but it would have been nice to have something like that out there Marge to maybe see. It would have been a nice contrast from the ridiculous, in-clubby audience that contantly cheered and bellowed out front, as if they were attending a political rally and not some comedy show (but considering the state of gay politics, a comedy show is probably the closest thing to a political rally the Queer Nation USA will see for a long time). They were awful, 80% gay and 30% body fat: men who are homosexual, and women who are homosexual, overweight and/or single. Eric and I may well have been the only straight men there. I half-expected us to be roasted in a pot and eaten.

To borrow the Onion's review: How to write a Margaret Cho joke: 1) Pick a really smutty topic, such as fisting or colonics. 2) Divide Roseanne by Janeane Garofalo, subtract Richard Pryor. 3) Acknowledge loyal gay cult following. 4) Repeat punchline three or more times. 5) Hold contorted facial expression for 10 seconds. 6) Wait for applause.

To be fair, I thought the fisting bit was kind of funny. And she did a decent routine about bondage clubs that I appreciated. For the most part the show was a horrid, self-satisfied extravaganza. The worst part was that everyone in the audience was going berserk. They had no idea they were being pandered to in the most insulting way ("if men had periods..." "if GAY men had periods..." Yuck, yuck!). No wait. The worst part were the facial expressions, adding ugliness to a face that didn't look like it could contain much more. She was on a video screen, which added a half-face extra below her chin. And for a woman whose audience is supposed to consist of mostly gay men, she does the worst gay man impression ever. It's this gutteral redneck roar, miles away from the gentle drawling semi-lisp I associate with the thousands of homosexuals I have met in my travels.

What gets me is she is considered daring in some circles. I don't think preaching to the choir is daring.

Coincidentally, as I was writing this, I received the following form email from Marge Cho:

Dear FiLM Club Member,

I had an amazing time filming "Notorious C.H.O." in Seattle. The tour was in full swing, and the road crew and I arrived at the Sea-Tac airport completely wiped out from putting on two shows a night and traveling in between. Thankfully, Lorene Machado and our wonderfully talented film crew handled everything for us before we arrived. An hour before I was about to leave for the first show, I was lying in the bathtub, filling it with icy water, trying to stay awake. It was rainy and cold, but there was still a long line of fans waiting around the block trying to get into the theater. I realized I had nothing to complain about. All I had to do was get on stage and perform. These people had to stand outside in the rain! The shows were awesome. Seattle audiences are the best! A fan gave me 5 boxes of chocolates! My groupies feed me. I am so lucky. The film rocks, and I think it is even better than my last effort, "I'm the One That I Want." It is funnier, and my Mom's in it! Enjoy - and don't forget to bring me more candy!

- Margaret Cho

I had forgotten about the rain. That bitch.

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