Savage Love strikes again: Whenever we make love, my girlfriend begs me to say "sexy things" to her. I have no clue what she means or what to say. She tells me she's turned on by "dirty" talk. Can you please give me examples of sexy things to say or where can I get educated about what dirty things to say to a woman when we're making love? -- Lust For Words

You're in real danger here, LFW, and you need to proceed with extreme caution. I have a file full of letters from men whose wives/girlfriends asked them to "talk dirty to me"—or, even worse, "tell me your wildest fantasies." Many of these men made the mistake of doing what their wives/girlfriends asked.

Generalizing about three billion people on the one hand (men) and three billion people on the other hand (women) is a dangerous business, but... a woman's idea of "dirty" or "wild" is often very different from a man's. She'll say "Talk dirty to me," and he'll say "Suck my cock, you whore," and she'll freak out because what she wanted to hear was "I love your delicious juices, honey." She'll say "Tell me about your wildest fantasy," and he'll say "Piss on me," and she'll freak out because what she wanted to hear was, "I want to lick whipped cream off your nipples."

Yes, yes, yes: There are women out there who want nothing more than to be called whores and who love to piss on their husbands/ boyfriends. But they're exceptions. So, ladies, be warned: Men are kinkier than women, so the things men fantasize about are often dark and, if you're game, hotter than hell. If you're the type of woman who isn't kinky at all, or who considers "Oh, yeah, do me!" to be dirty talk, well, maybe you shouldn't ask your husband/boyfriend to talk dirty or share his wildest fantasies. You might not like what you hear.

And, guys, be warned: When she asks you to talk dirty or share your wildest fantasies, don't just blurt out "pegging" or "Get on your knees, bitch," or, like one guy in my made-the-mistake-of-telling-the-truth file, "I want you to tie me up, gag me with your dirty panties, then piss all over me." That may be your wildest fantasy, but the fact that she asked doesn't mean she's ready to hear it. While I think that people should share their fantasies with each other—of course!—straight men need to take things slowly and reveal a little at a time, gauging the reaction every step of the way.

Finally, LFW, the best advice for a guy who's been asked to talk dirty or reveal his wildest fantasies is to turn the tables. Ask her to talk dirty. If she can't do that, ask her to describe the sorts of things she wants you to say. If she can't even do that, ask her to write them down. Whatever you do, don't go down the dirty-talk road without directions.